I am 46 year old male and I don't think I have ever? had a deep personal conversation or relationship with my parents. I am way closer to some friends that I rarely see and know.

Over the last 10 years I have been trying to develop a positive relationship with my parents and talk to them in a closer way. But nothing seems to work.

When ever we talk all of our conversations consist of the following four questions. (They live 10 hours away)

When they call they ask me. 1. How am I. 2. How is the weather. 3. What is the price of gas. 4. How my car is running.

Once those questions are asked and answered both ways. My Dad says, "Your Mom wants to talk to you" And She says "Well there is nothing going on around here" and the conversation winds to an end.

Now I have tried everything. Remember this is over a lifetime. I don't want to fill in all of the details or it will go on for pages. But most of ideas that quickly pop into your mind I have tried.

I am ready to just give up and answer the questions and never really know these people. But if there is some way to make contact I want to do it, before it is too late.

Any helpful ideas or experience with this kind of situation?

Thanks very much
Mr. Uriah sky

My one thought is have you ever asked them to tell you about their childhood and their growing up years. That might pull them out.

Along a similar vein -- Since you're 46, it's possible your parents are getting up there and may be coming to terms with their own mortality. If you're interested, you could tell them that you're trying to write down some informal family history to pass along to future generations, and what could they tell you about ___.

Both of my parents wrote their memoires several years ago, and they're wonderful reads! I can hear both of their voices so clearly...

Its a curious situation you are in. I am the same age as you, and I can understand your predicament.

I think I had the same problem with my parents, at the end of my mum's life, I used to visit, and we would talk about the same things each time ! I think older people like to talk about their past, so I think if you embark on a project of asking them about their childhood etc etc, you would be achieving two things.

I also used to wonder if my mother just was not capable of understanding what was happening in my life, so in the end I just did not bother talking about the details. I really felt my visits where just about making her happy, and talking about only a few topics that brought a smile to her face.

You would be opening up a plethora of conversational topics, and you would have it all documented, so 20 years down the track, you would always know the answer to questions that will come up. Its really nice to know the family history like that, especially if you have children who want to know.

I think you are a real champion thinking about all this, and trying to improve communication with your parents. Its shows you are a caring person.

Let us know how you get on.

Popi

Unfortunately this happens when children decide to move away from home and start a life elsewhere, they lose contact with their relatives.

Make sure you write it down though. I did and I am now the family historian since I was the only one to have the foresight to have done this. Now with the help of the Internet. genealogy sites, your public library, etc. I have traced the ancestries of most of our family lines to the 1700-1800s and am in contact with many distant relatives across the country.

The older folks love to talk about their ancestry that's for sure.