Can anyone help me?

I am a single mom with a 15 year old daughter. When I am at work, her friends always seem to hang out at my house, eat my food, etc. These are not bad people, just "moochers"? I have complained to my daughter, like why cant they hang out a friends house to no avail. Any advice?

I have found, as a teacher and parent, that it's usually the house where no parents are home, where the teen's hang out after school. Not always a good thing. That was the case next door to me--there was a lot of all kinds of illicit activity (drinking, drugs, sex, other acting up) going on, that wouldn't have happened if there was a parent around. And these were kids I'd known for years--they were basically good kids, but were taking advantage of the fact that they had a free house and no one enforcing the rules. Even at 15, they still need to know that there's an adult in the vicinity. Not someone babysitting them, and hanging over their shoulder, but an authority figure in the background, in case things get out of control.

As to the food--lay down the law--let your daughter know what's they may eat, and what's off limits. If HER friends eat the leftover pizza you were planning on heating up for dinner, let HER replace it out of her spending money--bet you won't have to do that more than once or twice.

Seriously, though--you're asking for trouble to let teens hang unsupervised in your home day after day. For everyone's sake and safety, you may want to rethink that. After school time could be homework time for your dd, then they could visit after dinner?

If you are going to let this continue, how about some firm rules.

Sometimes I think teens think its okay to do something, because nobody says they cant do it.

How long are they on their own there ?

I wouldnt be happy with that situation, unless I knew the kids REALLY well and that they could all be trusted.

My mother had a rule that I could not have a boy in the house when she was out. At the time I thought that was stupid and annoyed that she didn't trust me. But now I am older it seems like a good idea !

Good luck with it all.

POPI

This sounds like a recipe for disaster. If there is any funnybusiness going on while you are not there, you could be legally liable. I would not allow my kids to have any friends at their house while I am not there. This was not allowed when I was a teen either.

That way, the food issue is moot if no one is allowed there.

As for driving her around, just put a limit on where and when. Like to the movies then pick up or the mall then pick up - twice a week. That is it. I am sure other moms would help you out, get their phone numbers of the moms of their friends.

You should be able to contact the parents of the kids your daughter is hanging out with. I know mine made sure they knew the parents of the teens I hung out with.

All that said, I must also admit to you that it was at that girlfriend's house, and the homes of other working moms that we got into the most mischief for sure. And, I might add, we were very nice, smart, good girls. We just got into all those things many nice, smart, and good girls do. To this day I look back on it all with regret, though some times with a little smile on my face.

When our three children were around 13 and up, we encouraged them to have 'jobs'.......yard work/snow removal for our son, baby-sitting and/or store jobs when they were old enough. None were into sports, which I think is a good diversion for teens too. They were eager to work because Dad and I didn't give them an allowance and let them do what they wanted with their money. We controled that somewhat by having them use their money to buy the little things that most teens need and want. We just covered the 'big stuff'.

By the way, if we were to do it all over, I'd be sure to insist on some sort of a bank account for a small part of their earnings just to get them into the spirit of saving.

Hope this helps......God Bless

I know it is a pain doing it all the time, but is about your daughter....

at least you know she is safe
you can get to know the friends, when you talk to them in the car.
you know where they are.

you know when to pick them up.

You have control over the situation and thats like gold, at this age.

The more time you spend with you daughter and here friends, the better, because then YOU know what is going on.

Keep those communication lines open.

I have a 15 year old, as well.

I have left him and a friend in the house for an hour or so whilst I went out.

I trust them to do the right thing.

I dont want to get into the situation where I dont trust my children.

You will know the right thing to do. Trust your judgement.

POPI