Grown sons -- they dont' keep in touch with parents enough

16 years ago

Why isn't that grown sons grow up and forget about their parents? My brother turned 50 this year; he lives about 1 hour from my parents but barely calls, comes over or invites them over. Some of it may be his wife (who is stand-offish) but it is his responsibility to keep in touch with his parents. There are absolutely no issues between them so I don't understand it. My parents are almost 80 and I know it hurts my mom that she always has to call them if she wants to see how they are. I tried to drop a hint to them a few weeks ago (mom would love it if you came over to see what they did with the basement) and all I got was "oh yeah, we need to do that." My other brother is not a whole lot better but his wife is good at picking up the slack. As for my sister and I, we wouldn't go 2 days without talking at least on the phone to our parents.

Must be a guy thing.

Comments (6)

western_pa_luann
16 years ago
"Why isn't that grown sons grow up and forget about their parents?

Must be a guy thing."

I know plenty of guys who call home at least weekly and visit whenever possible.
NOT simply "a guy thing"! And plenty of girls can forget about their parents.....
popi_gw
16 years ago
Well I think you should just tell your brother how you feel, how he should phone his mum once a week. Be really specific.

Do it for your mum.
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bnicebkind
16 years ago
I agree with Popi. In a loving way, talk to your brothers but don't drop "hints". Tell him directly from your heart. Most guys do not get "hints". I used to have a neighbor who was elderly. Her son lived 1/2 hour away, and rarely visited. When she died, he took it very hard, and could not bring himself to sell her house for a few years. His sister who lived in another state told me that he was having such a hard time, and was grieving the loss of his mother. And I wondered if it was guilt for never having time for her when she was alive. She lived alone, and was lonely. Rarely any visitors ever. How sad.
wilfelm_bigpond_com
12 years ago
i know what ur mum is feeling i have 4 children and my eldest is 24 and i probably see him 2 or 3 times a year, he used to say we live to far away but its only 20 mins. was his birthday yesterday , so was going to c him today but he was to sick , ahhh if he only realised last time i seen him for his birthday was 3 years ago, time will go and with every year my heart breaks even more and in time i will shut my feelings down and he will wonder why he doesnt hear from his family. very sad i love him dearly but even though i am his mother i can only take so much, we are still human, another year with me crying all afternoon , i just hope
one day he realises how much he has missed with his
family xx will love him until the day i die but i think after today i will
concentrate on my other 3 and hope my youngest son will keep when he is olded
flowergardenmuse
12 years ago
I don't think it a guy thing either. I know a man who calls his mother regularly--they have a good relationship. I think it a two-way street though.

My husband is the one who always called his mother and father--they never called him or remebered his birthday or even came to his college graduation. Everything was all about them. The only time his father called is if he wanted something, which once was to request coming out for a visit (then he refused to identify himself to me and I did not recognize his voice) and another time he wanted him to attend a family gathering/reunion (with relations he had never met) out-of-state. The rest of the time the father couldn't be bothered with his son's feelings. It was once again, always, always about him.

If you can be open with your brother I would consider bringing up the topic in a NON-CONFRONTATIONAL way, with kindness and compassion. Maybe your brother is having difficulties and problems of his own that you may not know about. I don't know how close you are to him or not.

I don't know why his wife is stand-offish either, so I wouldn't assume the issue lies with her, and you haven't provided any information to suggest there are other issues either. If there's one thing that I've learned about families is that there is always more than meets the eye.

My in-laws were cruel to me, yet they don't take responsibility for their behaviors and minimize other people's feelings. They blame everyone else for problems always. If I am stand-offish to them it was merely because I was protecting myself from their selfish, abusive, miserable conduct. That may not be your situation, but it was mine.

I've found a wonderful site that deals with family issues and problems--communication that leads to distance and estrangement. I highly recommend it for people experiencing family communication issues.

I wish you well with this issue....

Here is a link that might be useful: E-stranged
flowergardenmuse
12 years ago
wilfelm--

I just realized that you were responding to a very old thread.

Please check out the link that I provided. I think it may be helpful to you.

Best of luck to you...

Grown sons -- they dont' keep in touch with parents enough

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western_pa_luann

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