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disrespecful and violent teenager - long post, sorry

Posted by madeleine_in_md (My Page) on
Tue, Aug 25, 09 at 13:08

I am so glad I found this part of the GW forum because DH and I are done with son's extremely bad behavior.

Please help - we have a very big problem on our hands.

Son was incorrectly diagnosed with ADHD at an early age and was given medication and therapy for it for years even though we would tell the doctors at the time that we could see no improvement in his behavior. Then, three years ago they changed the diagnosis to bipolar disorder and son was given medication for that along with therapy. This also did not help. All through the years son has become more and more aggressive and violent and the last time he was at the doctors, the doctor stated that son has a sense of entitlement and there was nothing they could give him for that.

To be honest, we are quite afraid of son because when he does not get his own way, son becomes violently aggressive. He is 6'3" and weighs 250lbs so there is no way of even physically redirecting him when he does not listen to reason. We also have a little daughter of 5y6mo who lives in a very tense home environment because we never know when her brother is going to become enraged over the smallest of things and wreak havoc.

He is verbally and physically abusive towards me and my husband, calling us the most terrible names and even has punched me in the face and thrown me down the stairs when I have refused to give him what he wants. Son does not hurt his sister because he believes that he has to protect her from me. However, this can also change at the snap of a finger because if daugther does the slightest thing he does not like, then he turns on her, too.

As a punishment to us when we do try to discipline him, son will discipline us straight back with extreme measures such as throwing my jewelry out onto the lawn, or hacking my husbands clothes up with scissors or smashing fists through doors and walls thereby destroying the house that has taken us 8 years to save for and finally buy.

Yesterday I locked my bedroom door before leaving for work to keep DH and my personal things safe from him. Son had theatened to break husband's laptop because DH would not allow son to use it. Whilst we were at work, son chopped down the bedroom door frame completely destroying the door and frame to get to the laptop, which was not there since DH had taken it with him to work. According to son we do not have the right to restrict him from any place in the house, including our personal space.

We called the police out on son because of the violence towards me personally as well as the wilful destruction of our home and possessions and was told that A) they are not here to do our parenting and b) there is no law that they can cite if we did not physically see him break anything in the house! This pleased son immensely because he realises that we don't even have police protection from his bad behavior. I am devastated by this, actually.

Son failed grade 9 because last school year he was physically in attendance at school for only 5 weeks out of the entire school year. The rest of the year, no amount of pleading, begging, instructing, demanding from either parents nor school made him willing to attend school. Needless to say, Dept. of Juvenile Services got involved but not even that made an impression on him.

Husband and I are truly at wits end. Son is 15y9mo, so is too young legally to ask to leave my home. Does anyone know what we can do to help son and ultimately this family?

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: disrespecful and violent teenager - long post, sorry

From your description, your son needs to be institutionalized. That or military school -- if you can get any to take him. From your description, you're over your head. Probably way over. Don't pretend you're not. Do what you have to to get him out of your house and into some professional environment where he can be dealt with.

From what you've described, "helping" your son is priority #2 at this point. Protecting yourselves, your daughter, and society is #1. Don't hesitate. You've described a very dangerous boy.

RE: disrespecful and violent teenager - long post, sorry

Absolutely agree with asolo. You need to find a way to get him out of your home immediately, for your safety and that of your family. Try to get him into a treatment facility first. If you cannot, I'd have the state take him and deal with him. My mother was forced to do that with my sister many years ago.

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