Please help - we have a very big problem on our hands.

Son was incorrectly diagnosed with ADHD at an early age and was given medication and therapy for it for years even though we would tell the doctors at the time that we could see no improvement in his behavior. Then, three years ago they changed the diagnosis to bipolar disorder and son was given medication for that along with therapy. This also did not help. All through the years son has become more and more aggressive and violent and the last time he was at the doctors, the doctor stated that son has a sense of entitlement and there was nothing they could give him for that.

To be honest, we are quite afraid of son because when he does not get his own way, son becomes violently aggressive. He is 6'3" and weighs 250lbs so there is no way of even physically redirecting him when he does not listen to reason. We also have a little daughter of 5y6mo who lives in a very tense home environment because we never know when her brother is going to become enraged over the smallest of things and wreak havoc.

He is verbally and physically abusive towards me and my husband, calling us the most terrible names and even has punched me in the face and thrown me down the stairs when I have refused to give him what he wants. Son does not hurt his sister because he believes that he has to protect her from me. However, this can also change at the snap of a finger because if daugther does the slightest thing he does not like, then he turns on her, too.

As a punishment to us when we do try to discipline him, son will discipline us straight back with extreme measures such as throwing my jewelry out onto the lawn, or hacking my husbands clothes up with scissors or smashing fists through doors and walls thereby destroying the house that has taken us 8 years to save for and finally buy.

Yesterday I locked my bedroom door before leaving for work to keep DH and my personal things safe from him. Son had theatened to break husband's laptop because DH would not allow son to use it. Whilst we were at work, son chopped down the bedroom door frame completely destroying the door and frame to get to the laptop, which was not there since DH had taken it with him to work. According to son we do not have the right to restrict him from any place in the house, including our personal space.

We called the police out on son because of the violence towards me personally as well as the wilful destruction of our home and possessions and was told that A) they are not here to do our parenting and b) there is no law that they can cite if we did not physically see him break anything in the house! This pleased son immensely because he realises that we don't even have police protection from his bad behavior. I am devastated by this, actually.

Son failed grade 9 because last school year he was physically in attendance at school for only 5 weeks out of the entire school year. The rest of the year, no amount of pleading, begging, instructing, demanding from either parents nor school made him willing to attend school. Needless to say, Dept. of Juvenile Services got involved but not even that made an impression on him.

Husband and I are truly at wits end. Son is 15y9mo, so is too young legally to ask to leave my home. Does anyone know what we can do to help son and ultimately this family?

From what you've described, "helping" your son is priority #2 at this point. Protecting yourselves, your daughter, and society is #1. Don't hesitate. You've described a very dangerous boy.

No matter what it takes, you need to find appropriate residential treatment and get him into it. Good luck to you all.

Please DO NOT DELAY. You're over you head and he desperately needs help and treatment.

I would also recommend contacting NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) for help and support for yourself and husband. I found this organization helpful in dealing with a family member with mental illness.

Good luck to you. I've somewhat been in your shoes and agree that proper diagnosis and continued therapy and meds are very helpful.

DH and I have decided to given Sheppard Pratt one last try, too, son has been there more times than I care to admit but unfortunately when our money runs out, so does their assistance. Does anyone else also feel that the govt should allocate more money on assisting suffering parents and families?

We are very concerned about the future. Whilst son is a minor we still have marginal control over what happens i.e. getting him to a hospital etc. but in 2 short years he is considered an adult and our authority is no longer needed. What then?

I also think that, given your son's condition and everything that's going on, you, your husband, and maybe even your daughter may need some sort of counseling or therapy, too. Someone who can help you guys establish strategies that are more effective than what you've been trying so far. And also someone who can help you take care of yourselves.

The police response you described sounds strange to me, given everything else you said. Dealing with someone who's mentally ill and displaying violent behavior isn't a "parenting" issue. That would actually bother me so much that I would go to the police department in person and ask to speak to a senior person about what happened, your son's history, and what you were told.

Call the police or authorities, your son's behavior is dangerous. I agree with the previous poster that the police response you described sounds strange. Go in person, if you have too and ask to speak to a mature, more seasoned worker/employee who has experience dealing with mental health issues. Describe that your son was treated for mental illness, bi-polar to be exact and is displaying violent behavior.

Unfortunately I was also told by a county mental health worker everything that I was doing wrong, etc. It was a very unhelpful response and extremely frustrating given the situation.

Try to blow off their unprofessional, idiotic and stupid response and keep trying to find help. I empathize that it can be very frustrating, but you've got to keep plugging away and don't allow their inappropriate responses to deter you from getting and seeking the help that you need for your son and family. BE PERSISTENT.

Keep trying NAMI. Remember that they are understaffed, overworked and also survive off of the efforts of volunteers, usually people such as yourself who have walked in your shoes. They are imperfect. You've got to keep trying.

No anwer will be perfect but at least you will be in the company of people who will understand what you are going through and not exposed to the incessant drone of idiotic, mindless dolts who haven't a clue. Hopefully some people will start the process of problem-solving.

Yes, it's sad and yes it would be nice if more money was allocated to help the mentally ill and relatives coping with these issues.

Let's be realistic here--given today's current economic climate--foreclosures, bankruptcies, irresponsible government spending, personal debt and all the other crap, I don't see that happening and instead see less and less resources allocated for these programs. Money is wasted, taxes will no doubt increase, people are being laid off in droves, companies are closing, etc. and it goes on and on. Quite frankly, I have very little faith that more INEPT wasteful government is the answer. And everyone wants more government to bail them out every which way. It's JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I see very little point, given your situaiton of dwelling on government allocations given all the financial problems.

Really you have some immediate issues which need to be addressed. Call the police and authorities and get to it NOW!

Good luck to you with this issue.