my $.02 too first thing i always tell anybody who asks me about what to do in their yard (i'm not a pro ) is: 1. live with it until you decide how you are going to use it and start making a list of what you wnat to do. 2. live with it some more until you know how it works- where is the sun/shade,wet/dry etc. 3. draw a map of your yard/house, circle and itentify what you want to do where-- will it work in that area. examples. i live on a city lot 50x125. the house was built in the 20's, it's 25 feet from the street. the drive runs from the street to the rear of the back yard, but there is no garage. we had twin 2 year old when we moved in. #1 need was a fence to contain them. thats what we put up as we moved in. after living there for a year we knew we wanted an area to dry clothes on the line. an area for the kids to play in -- including a swing set/sandbox and fort. we wanted an area to grill in/eat out. an area to relax in that wasn't in the sun. all this we wanted to do in the back yard. in the front yard we wanted to use as an entry way that welcomed people. I was willing to spend 1-2 hrs per week doing yard work as well as a spring and fall clean-up. in reality i' only willing to spend about 1 hour perweek. This means i need to rely on perinneials and tough plants that don't need lots of care. our 3 major problems with the yard were too many trees, the back third of the back yard was low, slow draining, and never got sun (think mud for 6 months of the year or more) and heavy clay soil.` year one we cut down 42 trees from the lot -- most were over 8" in diameter. We kept an ancient hickory (58" diameter), a young hickory (14" diameter) a maple(12" diameter) and three pin oaks (all about 14" in diameter). we ran a clothes line along one side of the back yard. since the back third of the yard was in heavy shade and only mud. we topped it with 18 tons of pea gravel-- put in the swingset, fort in the maple tree and a large sandbox. also we made a sitting area and put the wading pool there. no sunburns while the kids played, no more mud, cool and shady. we use the drive as a patio. but all this took us three years to achieve-- time to observe etc. nowe that the kids are 18, i can replace the fort/swingset with a shed for storage. the sand box is used for forcing winter publs and as a temporary holding bed. the lay out of the clothes line is being changed so i can increase the area where i have flower bed and so that it isn't so obvious now that we can entertain. also i'm finally able to start putting in plants i truly want as the soil has been built up over the years with many applications of compost, mulch, topsoil, sand and peat. i'm losing my big hickory-- maybe 10-15 more years, but i started a replacement for it in a better spot that a future owner will appreciate. but what you need to do lis figure out what you will do in the yard, what you want to see from the house, what you whant to see from the road. where do you always go into the house from? where do you want guest to go when they arrrive? where do you needx a shovel in the winter. then you need to read read read about plants and ask questions. as some one said you can always move the plant-- i'm ready to rip out my front flower beds for the 5th time because i finally think i have a plan that will work right for me-- i have homes for all the plants in these beds in other areas of my yard. so cut rake compost plant annuals stick in bulbs find plants you like and learn for a year or so then satart putting in the 'bones' of your garden and then start filling in the gaps. diggerb

Hi to both Marys. Last year was my first time winter sowing. Had mixed results, but am back again this year with about 200 jugs planted thus far. Started in late Dec. and am still planting every time a trade or round robin comes in. It's not too late. Everything sprouts at it's own right time. I will start planting my annuals soon as our weather settles down abit. We are still getting snow and hail squalls here in Washington. Talk about your crazy weather. There's no sign of globle warming here. I have about 20 gallon jugs sprouted thus far. We are not crazy. Unless we're crazy like a fox. I will have at least 100 new types of perennials, shrubs and trees this year all for the price of some potting soil and a few stamps and bubble envelopes. Imagine what it would all cost if we bought those plants at a nursery. Connie

I am glad I stumbled across this thread! (thanks jnjmom for the orig. post!) I think many posters are right. Some posters just listed their personal preferences/taste as classic and their peeves and trendy and dated, but I still thought that overall, the cross sampling of opinion helped me get some perspective. I assumed that many posters are framing the conversation with respect to standard single family houses, while in NC at least, townhomes are cropping up like weeds. (many of which I'm convinced were thrown up in a hurry during the housing boom and were cheaply and 'trendily' made.) What are there time-stamped building trends in townhouses that you would avoid? (I assume many that apply to houses also apply to townhomes.) One potential 'time stamp' that jumped out at me when looking through the listings were arched entry ways and arched cutouts  all in townhouses built in the early 2000s. In a townhouse especially, they strike me as 'time stamped'. I used to live in an old 1950s home with a gorgeous arched front door, but had no other arches entryways, and I would never call it trendy. However, I've been avoiding those "obviously arched" entryways and cutouts in my search because regardless what I think of them personally, I think a square entry to another room or hall is- well, standard, and I have to consider eventual resell. Some of the comments mentioned the unnecessary interior molding. I think it is so true! I've seen it in so many 'luxury apartments' but I didn't think of it, so thanks. Some townhouses do have two story and vaulted rooms, and while I personally donÂt mind them, I do consider the future energy costs associated with heating and cooling them down the road when I want to sell. If you have any other townhouse Âtime stamps (with regard to design not personal décor) please post! Thanks

It should be written into the vows... "FDH, will you promise to love and support your wife when the person YOU chose to make children with, does everything she can to make your new wife miserable?" My DD19 told me the other night, "the problems with BM started as soon as he (DH) moved in here." Well, my DD was 15 and figured that out. She has also been a victim of BM's craziness! The first complaint BM ever made was directed at the music my DD listened to... specifically? Green Day! A few month later, BM gave SD a Green Day poster for her Birthday. I guess it's okay for BM to let her listen to it, but she wants my DD to turn off her music when SD is around her? Since then, SD has been heard singing a song called "sexy can I?" and "lollipop" and a few others.... Rap songs that she says her mom put on her mp3 player. Wow, how her mom's standards have changed???? no, it's just a double standard! It's been very liberating to finally not give a crap what BM thinks. I have had to accept that she is not going to change. I am never going to be 'friendly' with her because I cannot trust her. I am cordial when I see her but I cannot pretend to care enough to ask her "how are you?" because, truly.... I could care less and she'll probably lie anyways. I smile and utter a friendly "hi" or "bye" and that's the best I can do. Of course, it offends her and pisses her off, but that's not my problem. It wouldn't matter what I do, she is going to be offended or pissed off because she doesn't want to get along with me. After going through this for a couple of years... being expected to do things for her daughter but being angry if I don't complain about it or if her daughter doesn't complain. One of the things she wrote in her court papers is how much her daughter complains about me and does not like me.... but I have saved every letter and note that her daughter has written me over the last two years... saying "I love you"... It's truly sad that a kid has to lie to a parent, because I believe SD tells her we don't get along at all because that's what her mom wants to hear. and the times we have not gotten along are because that's what SD knows her mom wants.... SAD! As a mom, I want my kids to be happy, no matter where they are, no matter who they are with. Would I feel jealous? Maybe but I sure the hell would not show it or tell them about it so they would feel obligated to be miserable outside my presence or guilty for having fun. How can a mom who says they love their kids, do that to their kids? I will never get it. (and the only way I have been able to disengage from BM is to accept that she does not view parenting her daughter the way I do and that nothing I do or say is going to change her or make her care about what I care about... and realizing that my way is 'my way' and not necessarily the right way...)