Separating because of adult son
sanman12
9 years ago
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Karen10125
9 years agoRelated Discussions
My husband doesn't like my adult son.
Comments (20)I am in the same situation. It’s New Years Day and I am lying here depressed. My adult son came to temporarily live with me and my new husband of 2 years about 7 months ago. He asked and my husband said yes. My husband decided not to charge him rent or anything, even told him he can eat what we eat, wash clothes, basically our home is his home. We have a written agreement which we all signed. My son takes out the garbage and cuts grass, clean his room & bathroom. He’s making plans to move back out as agreed. He has savings. Is my son perfect? No, but he is not disrespectful. Other than not walking around the house naked, nothing else has changed in our marital relationship. My husband took it upon himself to step in as a father to my son and even asked my son if that was ok. His biological father…didnt do his job and has no real relationship with him. My husband and son get along fine. However i know my husband is faking it. If my son makes one mistake or forget something, my husband is very critical and judgemental. He complains to me telling lies about my son and says hateful things about my son. i love my husband but this is unacceptable to me. i am beyond hurt and angry. My son doesnt even know how my husband really feels. What brought to this post…my husband thought my son had left and left the door unlocked at 2am. My son was actually outside. Anyway all i literally said was to tell him and immediately he accused me of coming to my son’s defense and starts going off. I am confused. If someone does something wrong or forgot something, isnt the natural thing to do is tell them? What did I say wrong? There is so much more I could say to paint the picture of everything that has gone on. I dont want a divorce but this is too crazy!...See MoreAdult Step Son controls with anger
Comments (7)I have been struggling, - in the dark at first, but now I have seen the light - with my step son since he was 9 years old. He lost his mother to breast cancer when he was a baby and then I came into his life when he was a preschooler. He was a darling boy who loved his father's attention and knew how to get it. As he became older, he was spoiled by his father and treated fairly by myself, just as I did his brother 9 years older and my own two daughters. He is now 26 years old and I am still struggling. His father is still spoiling him - giving him money even though he has not worked full time since his 6 years in college. He is a full blown narcissist. He bullies everyone including his father. I just can't be around it, so I travel alot to see friends, and family. When I return home there is always something. This last time I figured out his Passive Agressiveness. He always entertains at our home when we are gone, even though he doesn't live here. This time it was taking the couch pillows from the living room - three pillows that match the sofa and the chair. I didn't notice at first, but the next day I checked myself first, "Self, did you take those pillows to the basement for laundering? No they are not down there." I find it very very difficult to stay quiet about the small things he does. In the past, I have confronted him, but then he makes up falsehoods to his father about me - his dramas - to cause trouble and make me look bad. Most of the time, his father and I can't even speak for about a week - the freezer. Well, I am out of the freezer because I haven't spoken a word about this episode. Hope I can keep my mouth shut. The sad part of this is I just don't live at home very much. I will not knowingly choose to be anywhere around this boy - Golden Boy - narcissist. I go to therapy but the therapist wants me to come to see her with Golden Boy. I just haven't been able to get myself to do that. His loft apartment is full of things he has lifted from my home and expensive toys he should not be able to afford. I won't go there anymore. I get angry when I see the things he has taken from me. His father doesn't care. If anyone has any solutions I would love to hear them....See Moreadult step son and his girlfriend lives with us
Comments (5)thank you both. much has happened in the past month..i have been making progress with CBT and EMDR and guided meditation..working on ways to have discussions with out arguments..i feel i have more control over my emotions and able to speak up more. "It is *not* normal to expect someone to live in such close quarters with so many other people, unless you're on a submarine." exactly! and for some reason he thought it was ok..and thought it selfish of me to want to want them out and to be alone.. relationships are compromise.. i let them stay , it was kind of me and they took advantage of it. . good news they left last week and i have my upstairs space back! hubby and i are not speaking for the past few days.. as they kids left a big mess with food trash in the room.. when i told him that they disrespected me he thought that i was being crazy..(His whole family has a hoarder trash problem. his mom the worst and i guess it passed on DNA because they think it is normal! .i am not OCD, just want to be rodent free!) i have been in therapy and what is making my life so stressful is his family and his need to take care of them..casting my needs aside.. they are all good..his mom re married and has money, kids have jobs and cars and are not into drugs or alcohol..all good⦠y et he does not take care of me..never a dinner out or a vacation...he still feels that he should pay his daughters car loan and insurance when she just got a raise and is earning 30K now..he thinks of them as high school kids and they are around 25.. I did ask him to go to therapy to work out this spouse vs his kids/mom problem.. i am standing my ground and i funny, am not upset anymore..time will tell if he makes changes in his life to cherish me, he is depressed and his decision making is not taking my life , desires and feelings into account.. life is short and i am feeling my age and i will not live my life according to other peoples decisions any longer. i do love him so. smart , talented , works and learns..but to be cast aside and my feeling ignored and told it is because i am crazy and "on my period" is just more of what men do to women when women voice their opinion. i cleaned the upstairs and have a nice bed and sewing area and it is clean and peaceful. nice to hear from you ladies with good advice. i hope that you see this post back to you..i have met some nice women on line... now to get him into a few sessions and some reading material . perhaps he will try to meditate or guided meditation. i have a trained person that has helped me "see".. best d.dee...See MoreMy Husband told my adult son to get out of our lives.
Comments (10)Yeah, of course in cases like this, the problems are multi-faceted. From what we've learned so far, it seems the pain you are experiencing comes not only from being unable to enjoy a relationship with these family members, but more so from not having the power to do anything about it. That's the dynamic which would have to change. It could take years and a lot of patience, but if that is in fact the case, worrying about it will only make your life, and the lives of those around you, worse. In fact, you may never be able to fully resolve this issue. As for your son... he is a grown adult, and it sounds like he and his new wife need to be responsible for their own choices and actions. In regards to your grandchildren from the first marriage, you might want to try writing your ex-daughter-in-law and, for the sake of your grandchildren, express an interest in maintaining a relationship. However, keep in mind that as their mother, she may not feel that is the proper course of action. But writing letters, and sending cards, will let them know you care. Since much of this involves people's choices outside of your ability to influence outcomes, sadly perhaps, being concerned about resolving your own choices and feelings might be the best for which you can hope. Hang in there. First, try to get your own feelings under control and you'll be able to make clear decisions that the others involved can respect. That is from where your power to influence the others will emanate....See MorePhoneLady
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