sarahsflowers, (I want to find a symbol of or a metaphor for "You don't necessarily have to be like your parents".) In my opinion you are trying to establish a genetic-type example of a behavior-type relationship or absence of it; and I am unsure that it can be done convincingly. However, 'sporting' or 'bud sporting' may provide your example. A close look at a hedge of variegated hibiscus is sure to provide one or two examples of a shoot sporting green. But even this can be viewed as the plant reverting to its original coloration. I have been told that the camellia is quite rewarding in its ability to sport blooms of a different color but I have no first hand experience of this. The more I think of it, the more I feel that the laws and postulates of Genetics tend to support more the statement that "the apple does not fall far from the tree".

This is getting to be my mantra, but, has your mother seen her doctor lately? Urinary tract infections can really knock the elderly on their pins - erratic behavior, mood swings, hallucinations, drops in blood pressure (resulting in fainting or falls), dehydration, death. And a short course of antibiotics takes care of it. That was the first course we took with my mother after my dad passed away in 2001 - any test we and her doctor could think of ruling out a brain tumor or anything organic - but we really knew she was taking her first steps along the journey of Alzheimer's type dementia. I was her primary caregiver until she went into a nursing home six months ago. My folks both had wills and revocable living trusts; took great pains to have all their additional documents - living wills, DNR's, etc. in order so the only thing I had to do with mom was get my name added to her checking account and have my brother's and my names put on the safety deposit box. A conservatorship is something to consider if and when your mother can no longer handle her own affairs. That always seems draconian to me, but a necessary step when someone is intractable and totally unaware or unwilling to admit there's a problem. It's too easy to say go see a lawyer specializing in Elder Law because you can't force your mother into making arrangements she has no interest in making. But it seems that, instinctively, you know something is going to have to be done although it's extremely difficult to know exactly what that "something" is until a critical event occurs - like being forcibly removed from a place of business, a total breakdown, having to be hospitalized for a mental evaluation, etc. It would be ideal if you could catch your mother in an agreeable mode, try and discuss some of your concerns. Failing that, the next best step would be to get your siblings, daughter, your mother's sisters and anyone in the family who would even be remotely concerned with your mother's welfare on the same page. If one person is designated as "in charge" (usually because most people are relieved to let someone else take charge), make sure everyone agrees that whatever is done is the right thing. The hardest thing right now is that you're pretty much stuck between thinking about getting ducks lined up for when they're needed, wanting to help and do what's appropriate for your mother with her blessing and being backed into a corner if the situation gets out of control. It's when you're backed into a corner you might get a result no one anticipated - like your mother being placed in a less than ideal, space available facility.

Great thread! I am thankful that I still have both of my parents, and the are for the most part, in decent health. Yes, DF has suffered some cardiac problems as he has aged which have slowed a man who lived to coach softball. First with co-workers and until the most recent problem, a senior softball league. He now goes occasionally to watch, but despite the cardiologist leaving it up to him as to whether to participate, he has chosen not to play. He has his routine that starts at 4 a.m. Works out at home each morning after he has breakfast and reads his newspaper. Very good from a mental standpoint, loves to talk current events, history, politics, etc. He also opens and closes the pool each summer and tends a rather significant amount of tomato plants. DF still does his own lawn and home maintenance as he always has. My DM is in seemingly very good health for her age. With the exception of problematic arthritis and sciatica which have caused her to lessen her spring/fall "housecleaning" regimen. I always thought that whole exercise to be nuts, personally, but that's how things were done in her family for generations. A total tear apart every room twice a year for a "deep" cleaning. While she still attempts to do it, I usually will set aside a couple of days each spring and fall to give her a hand with things that she cannot physically do. lol DM still gets together with her high school girlfriends once a month either for lunch or dinner. When I compare her to her friends, only one other of her friends is in as good of shape as DM. The others aren't concerned with keeping themselves up to date with regard to their attire or hair. My DM would die before she would put on a pair of elastic wasted polyester pants. No offense to anyone here who may enjoy those. DM just doesn't. She hasn't ever been one to drive on major highways, so the fact that she continues not to do so, is nothing new. I make a point of getting her out for clothes and holiday shopping when I am able to tolerate a trip to the mall. DM and I go to the same hair salon. I am sure her highlights and reverse color hide the small amount of grey that she has. Together with keeping up with current short hair styles she looks much younger than her actual age. DM dresses everyday, Pal your mentioning your mom and her shoes - just in case, definitely made me smile. My parents keep a theatre package, attending 6 or so shows per season. Go out for dinner at least once a week. Also, they cook and eat well. They love to take advantage of the senior bus trips available to them in our area. One thing that I've noticed is that my DF seems more hesitant about long distance driving, thus enjoying the bus trips. It is hard for me to pinpoint an age at which I see them. Perhaps it is because I see them so often, at least twice a week. I pop in to take a new dish I've tried or drop off some fresh produce from the farmstand. Really, I don't need much of a reason to visit, I just enjoy doing so, and it allows me to keep an eye on them. Have to say that I have enjoyed reading everyone's stories about their parents. Also, this particular thread has accentuated my good fortune in still having my parents as they are in their early 80's. So, if I had to put an age that I visualize them, I guess I would have to put it at between 55-60. Funny because I am now 50!

I think others covered a lot but you say" over Christmas" so are there beds to be made up, linens to be washed, bathroom to be spruced up, fridge needing to be cleaned out, especially of outdated bottles & food in containers. Cooking for elderly doesn't have to be difficult. I often buy a couple of yams & cook in microwave(wash & poke skin with fork in several places so doesn't explode) when done cool yams & cut in serving size pieces (I remove skin but some like it) & put in sandwich bags(kind that just fold over & put in Ziploc bag & label with date & what is in the bag. I store, yams, green beans, squash, bread stuffing, etc & I never thaw anything out. I make soups & put in small round margarine tubs each holds 1 cup (So leave a little space so doesn't boil over when you make them up)so take lid off to side(so just partly covered) & reheat about 3 1/2 minutes. Chili same way, yams couple of slices about 1 minute(microwaves vary) just add butter to serve. I make a meatloaf in a 9x5 loaf pan & freeze slices in amount I think I will eat in sandwich bags & then in Ziploc bag & can have hot meatloaf sandwich in 1 minute or meatloaf, yams, green beans in about 3 minutes. it's very easy to eat well. Leftover steak from eating out, bring it home & pkg it in sandwich bags & in Ziploc bag for 1 or2 meals in few days. Couldn't eat that big baked potato, cut it in sizes you will eat at 1 time & slip in sandwich bags, zip loc bag& freeze, I simply fold over the sandwich bags or twist & fold over before putting in freezer Ziploc bags. Can use cheaper Zip loc type bags or wash & reuse, throw out the sandwich bags after food is heated. Use Sharpie pen to label Zip loc bags & use up foods in couple of months to 6 months. Spaghetti mixed with sauce & meat, macaroni, casseroles, scalloped potatoes & ham, all freeze great in single serving sandwich bags & reheat in microwave in about 3-4 minutes at most. I did this for my folks for years. If you can't cook & like something like hamburger helper made it up & freeze. I cook chicken breasts & use half of them for sandwiches & rest becomes chicken soup, so make ways to make it, with noodles, rice, cook bag of mixed veggies up in microwave & add whole thing including water you cooked veggies in &add seasonings, can add low sodium tomatoes from can of tomato sauce, mushrooms from can or barley etc. Lots of choices. Anyway hope you are well armed with ideas to make things go smoother. Merry Christmas to All!