Estrangement from adult child
chloemichelle
17 years ago
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fuzzywuzzy
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16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
How to PREVENT an estrangement
Comments (44)Sirens~ There are no guarantees in life. Even if you did everything right for your children, they may still find dissatisfaction with you. For me personally, my estranged adult child chose not to address the issue/issues we had. I had to come to the realization that the real issue was her own anger. Somehow I just didn't measure up! Up to this point, I thought myself an excellent mother. Now I know that I overindulged my daughter. I never said, "no". She never appreciated my efforts/sacrifices. I made life way too easy for her. I paved the way and made sure that she did not have anything to worry about. And this I believe is the source of her anger. I stole her character from her. Really, in the end, it is a parents' job to instill character. The only way to do that is to let them earn their way. Never hand anything over to your children without some effort on their part. They will appreciate it later in life. I can't go back. And the future looks bleak. And so I have to accept what is. Maybe one day she will face her anger and direct it toward her own cleansing. Who knows? Just my opinon....See MoreEstrangement from special Ed Adult Son
Comments (8)Thank you for the encouragement, colleenoz. You are right...I am not crazy, just very, very concerned. No woman I have ever met would do what she has done. Living in the closet. Hating his Mom and family. Turning him into a person on welfare when it was not necessary for him to survive...he had a home, just didn't want to follow the few rules and try to grow up a bit to carry his weight. If he had met someone nice and young, he wouldv'e not been embarrassed to introduce her to me and I would be involved in their lives. He would be planning college or a job rather than where his next meal is coming from. My Ex is out for one thing...revenge. He wants to make me hurt...badly. I am not being self absorbed here. I think that this is really true. I will briefly explain: Our breakup was due to spousal abuse and I thru him in jail after hitting me one time! Then, it was out the door. He left me with two kids and no money as he had moved it all into his name. I was 'in love' and didn't pay attention thinking we were a team and he would never hurt me or the kids. I was on my feet after a year, but that was 8 years ago, my son has been raised with me, my ex had to go to AA to stop drinking and had to give up his porn. Heaven forbid...I embarrassed him! But I also made sure, after he was clean, that his boy had a relationship with him. He has already turned his back on his other son from his first marriage (something unknown to me before marrying him!). I think I am going to call adult protective services..... I think my son can talk his way through them but I will try to instill what has happened to them. Maybe they will see what I and all my doctors see...a preditor. Wish me luck and pray for us please, everyone!!...See Moremothers estranged from their adult children
Comments (2)ms500 - I hate to hear you are having such a hard time. I too am divorced - my ex wanted to devote 24-7 to building his own business and didn't want the responsibilities of a family to hold him down. This after almost 17 years of living our life around that business which included losing almost everything, including our home. It always came first and so I shouldn't have been surprised when he said he wanted out. I look back now and realize what a doormat I had become and now that my oldest son had tossed me aside, I don't know why I am surprised. He learned from his dad to put everything above family and if family gets in the way just walk away. I asked my counselor why, what I did - provide a loving and supportive home, be the nurturer and the disciplinarian, and not leave, did not influence him as much as what his dad did. His answer was - my son knows where his rock is when he needed someone. He knew who he could rely and he has no reason to believe you will not always be there. On the other hand - he doesn't have that with his dad and therefore will not push him or take him for granted because he doesn't trust him as much. I still remember people telling me that the payoff for raising kids came when they were older and understand what it is to be a parent. So yes I feel cheated in more ways than one. My ex who wanted more than his family is the one that gets to enjoy his family. What is fair about that. Yet I believe that in time you reap what you sow. I know what I have sown and what I am experienceing now is not my reward. I believe the same for you. For some reason they seem to be in denial of the neglect and abuse you took on their behalf because of their dad. Have faith and hope that in time you will be rewarded for your effort. I can say "that" even though I have never even met my only grandchild - because I believe someone greater than me is in control. Good luck and best wishes....See MoreRe: Estranged from Adult child & Parents lulusue
Comments (10)WOW- what to hear what the "other side" says about us on this side? It's amazing how someone who states we should welcome their advice (even though they are not and have never) been in our shoes speaks about our posts... Over in the "singles" section is a place where adult children estranged from their parents has someone who posts here and there actively making fun of our heart felt emotions. I was amazed. One person said "they say they (us) didn't do anything wrong unless they loved to much" and goes on -how ridiculous we are to "think that." I really do not understand how people post deliberate painful words-taken out of context and then expect people to listen to their "words of advice." Or to take our post once again out of context and subject them to ridicule... This is not high school for me-a competition- or certainly a way to expose something so precious to me-to anyone's hateful remarks. Many of us are women who are hurting and personally I just can't imagine someone would posts our remarks in such a way to inflict more pain upon us...Wow- I guess I'm through- That is just too much for me. I'm hope you all have a good Christmas-take care everyone and Thank you for all the support you have so freely given. I really appreciate your kind words, and believe me I've hung on to them all. stray...See Morenjtea
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