How long do you wait before you say something between the time you ask and the time they actually start doing what you've asked?

So in that case, the time is specific and gives them time to wrap up what they are doing and get into the mindset to cooperate.

If it's just a small task, say I need the kitchen trash can emptied, I also give a deadline of a short time. "I'm going to make a quick phone call, I want the trash can emptied while I do that."

My boys cooperate better if I'm not looking over their shoulder. If I give a reasonable and specific time frame, they usually cooperate.

The hardest chore to get done in a time limit is cleaning their rooms, they can drag that out for days! But that doesn't effect my schedule, I can close the door. So I can just say "You can't leave the house or use anything electronic until your room is clean." Eventually they want to do something else badly enough that they get motivated. The oldest has gotten smart and pretty much keeps his clean. ;o)

We also then implimented the rule...if you didn't do it when the deadline was up you were grounded...for 24 hours AFTER you completed the chore. Amazing how fast the chore then got done so the grounding wasn't prolonged. Example...your dishes were suppose to be done by 7 PM on Sunday (you Dish Day), you had ample opportunity to do them (there are reasons for extensions), but by 7 they were not done. You were grounded. If you got them done by 7:30 you were grounded until 7:30 Monday. If you didn't get them done until Monday night (thus giving you twice as many dishes to do ..you do dishes until they're done at our house), you're grounded until Tuesday night. Amazing how fast they learned that the faster they got the chore done, the sooner they were UN-GROUNDED. It wasn't that they were grounded and could do the chore in the time they were grounded, it was 24 hours AFTER the chore got done. One kid pushed it, I won, and they had that extra 24 hours (they tried the...my chore is done, I'm ungrounded now right...um no, you're grounded for 24 more hours..boy did they NOT like that).

Remember...set deadlines..sometimes you have to be flexible with some timelines (i.e. bedrooms), and if one job is going to cause conflict with another, maybe you need to rethink the job schedule. Just an idea -- that stubborn kid could cause you more hassle because it upsets the schedule than it's worth, so adjusting the schedule gets things done and affects only one person instead on many.

Vickey-MN

I have always used the "get them ready deal".

I also use the "dangle carrot deal". "When you have made your bed, I will be able to drive you to Fred's house."

I must have angelic children, as I have never had to use the grounding deal !

I might add, I am in favour of showing them how to do things, so they know how to do it. With children, I think sometimes we could expect them to know how to do tasks, when they don't really know the best way to do it. So, "Let's pick up the toys together", works well too.

Mother's unite !

Cheers. Popi