1. My adult children do not contact me whatsoever and for a while I decided to ignore these snubs and send them occasional Emails anyway telling them how and what I am doing. However, never getting a response makes me wonder if I am not setting myself up for ridicule like not getting the message that no contact with me is wanted.

2. Getting a pet is a great coping mechanism as you have another being that is grateful for your love and affection and needs you as much as you need the pet.

3. Volunteer with seniors, children or animals - it is very rewarding and volunteer help is always needed.

4. Start a new hobby to take your mind off things you cannot change.

5. Lastly, pray for your peace of mind so that being ignored by children you have loved and cared for most of your life will not cause you anymore pain.

Regarding your situation, send an email every once in while if you want to, not to often. Don't get personal, just greetings and no overtures. You might mention things from the past, happy things, that will stir their memories. Most of what my boys talked about when they grew up was the good times they had as children, camping, skating, etc..

Your suggestion were very good. It is the nagging things that we think about all the time, that make us unhappy. Anything to take you mind off of it.

Most of the coping strategies that you list above are just good activities to involve oneself in anyway. I think they will only add to your life and enjoyment and I think it will promote greater wellbeing. When you focus on that then it creates more happiness. I meet so many people who spend a lot of time focusing on how unhappy they are and they spread their misery to everyone around them. It's not good to ignore one's feelings and I'm not suggesting that, but one needs to recongize how they relate to others can also create a lot of unhappiness. Greater happiness in yourself is beneficial to self-esteem, which can only have positive benefits in your relationships with others.

You cannot control others. If you feel hurt that they do not respond to your emails, then maybe don't send them. Try an occasional update by regular mail and don't even bring up the subject of your feeling hurt or rejected by their lack of response. I don't know their circumstances and maybe they are in a period of their life where they feel a lot of stress or demands on them. Sometimes the needs of others often feel like another miserable demand and a burden. Needy, demanding people rarely see themselves that way or as selfish and controlling.

I send my mother letters and rarely call her. This is a coping mechanism for me. I do ask how she is doing, however she cannot monopolize the conversations talking all about herself and her problems overwhelming me with her complaints and issues and I'm not on the receiving end of her emotionally abusive behaviors and her taking her unhappiness out on me. This is how I've learned to cope with her. I wish the situation were different, but she is who she is and ignores my feelings. Writing her allows me to selectively provide her with tidbits of what is going on in my life. It also prevents her from ignoring boundaries, being intrusive or imposing on me. How she gets her needs met is destructive to me, although she cannot hear this or choses not too. Also, she can chose to read it, which is a form of listening and respond or she can ignore it and write back all about herself. This is how I keep her in my life, but from a safe distance and she cannot turn everything into all about herself and her needs and issues. It feels more balanced and healthy for me as well and I don't have to deal with her control issues.

I do not know what kind of relationship you have with your children or the reasons for the estrangement as each situation is unique. All I can offer is what I've learned to do in my situation. I focus on what helps me to feel content, because I am not responsible for other people and their choices or emotions.

Personally, I would skip sending them a postcard picture to manipulate an emotional response or as you said to "rattle" them into responding unless you are trying to impose guilt, which can backfire. Trying to manipulate people's emotions is never a good way to improve relationships, unless you want people to pretend or are merely trying to get your way, despite how others feel.

Good luck to you...I wish you the best and enjoy your trip.

Every year I have to cut my own wood,and these guys know I'm get'n older (61 in Feb).. and should be ashmed that out of 365 days they can't seem to find anytime to help.. My oldest @33 is hosting the Christmas gathering this year and I really don't want to go.. but the grandfather(my father @88y/o)is willing to drive nearly 200 miles to attend his Christmas gathering which as always been at my parents home. My parents know how these guys treat me. I have told how I feel.. I just don't get it. How can my Dad ignore the way these guys have treated his daughter over the years and not say anything to them. I really don't want to go, my youngest son @26 has not spoken to me in weeks either.These guys are not married or do they have childern... Do I really need to subject myself to be around people who won't help and ignore what I once believe that "family is suppose to help one another"..

Here are some of the reasons why children stop staying in touch with their mother. If this isn't you then please disregard.....

A link that might be useful:

parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

From your link:

"This year, my New Year's resolution is to care less.

Care less for people who care little for me. Care less for people who judge and condemn me for being the person I am. Care less for people who struggle so deeply with their own issues, that they have little or nothing to share with me. Certainly to care less for people who would demean, diminish, isolate and harm me.

I will not necessarily stop loving. I will stop investing. I will place my caring where it is meaningful and matters. I will place my caring with people who are capable of reciprocating in kind."

Sounds like a good New Years resolution for anyone/everyone!

There is a lot of information and links to a number of sites with discussion groups on family estrangement on the site, Estrangements, that I am linking here. It includes the link to the site that is mentioned above.