Problem with college daughter's boyfriend
Gardener972
15 years ago
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pinkpeonies
15 years agosylviatexas1
15 years agoRelated Discussions
Teenaged daughter and boyfriend. Long.
Comments (2)Difficult situation I think you have to let the relationship run its course with a very close eye on what she is doing. She is still very young and it is reasonable that you can insist that she only sees the boy in your house, when they are supervised. How do you know about the satan worship, do they talk about it in your presence? I have been through "scarey" moments with my two children, with them doing things I was not comfortable with. I just had to rely on my good parenting, and that all their good sense was instilled in them and would stay with them. I guess I am saying that you daughter is sensible, and will eventually realize this is not the boy for her. Perhaps you could work on distracting her, taking her out to fun places, without the boy... putting more effort in spending time with her. Try to get into a regular routine of spending time with her. My son, now 18, was interested in Satan when he was 16, but it has run its course and found more interesting things to do. "she is now selfish." ... you say she has changed her character, well this selfish attitude is very typical of 16 year old girls. This may not be the boyfriend's effect....See More16 year old daughter and boyfriend
Comments (18)Hi I'm 16 and know all about it! All you parents think you can just talk to your kids keep them to limited time with there boyfriends and have there trust to go to the moves malls ect.. but strict parents only make sneaky kids leaving the places they say they are parents don't really know what they are doing unless they are there to watch them summer school its not hard To leave and meet up with a guy and do stupid things... its not really in the parents control when their son/ daughter is going to give up their purity. Do you really think our generation is that stupid we do have brains not always doing the smartest thing but we do know what's right and wrong trust me I have done everthing my parents thought they could prevent from happing condoms are something u should give ur kids no matter how much u think u trust them or before u know it they will be teen moms/ dads witch could have been easily prevented but its better to give protection because we don't always think before we get warped up and there's nothing u can do after!! That one kiss that goes too far might be the one that changes their whole life!!! Think about it....See MoreHelp My Boyfriends Daughter is tearing our family apart
Comments (50)nivea, I'm sorry you had a bad experience in your life but a child can be (and a lot of them are) manipulative at age 6-8. My SD, when she was 6, came up to me and said 'my daddy was kissing deanna' and stood there waiting for me to react. She has glared at me when he isn't looking. and she would be a totally different child the minute he walked through the door. A lot of this was happening when we were dating and he never saw any of it. He didn't believe me until I pointed it out and he saw it. Perhaps the difference is that I knew what she was doing and I had been through raising several kids before so I knew how to handle it. My DH's ex (whom my SD referred to as 'horrible Elizabeth') probably reacted to it by taking it personally. She was younger & had three small kids and not everyone can rise above it when you are stressed out. That may not be a good reason or excuse to blame them, but humans are not perfect. Anyone that believes children cannot be manipulative has their head stuck in the sand. It is natural for them to angle things so they get their way. My kids do it all the time. (and nivea, is it possible that you behaved normally as a child, which can be seen as manipulative if you didn't like your step mom? Were you happy they broke up?) Some kids just react like normal kids and their actions can seem the are being manipulative, and other kids 'know' they will get a reaction. I think my SD knew that telling me DH 'kissed' his friend would get a reaction. She was only 6 but had already learned how to get rid of daddy's GF's. (the situation was that his friend deanna had given him a ride home after his car broke down and she always gives a hug/kiss on the cheek. I knew about it and wasn't in any way concerned.) btw, My son came into my room a couple of days ago and we were talking. He told me 'mom, you just like to argue.' and I said 'no I don't' and he said 'yes you do' so I repeated 'no. I don't.' and he repeated 'yes you do' and then I realized that he was pushing my buttons and it was a game to him, to get me to argue with him. I just said, okay and it took the wind out of his sail, I took the fun out of it by not playing....See MoreDealing with boyfriend depressed 15 year old daughter
Comments (4)Hi Jenn, Wow! I almost could have written this about 4 years ago. Many details are the same: depressed 15/16 year old (that started out cutting herself), then a suicide attempt, and bipolar & borderline personality disorder ex-wife. Eek! You have my heartfelt sympathies so my first advice is DON'T FEEL ALONE! :) and you are not crazy for feeling the way you do. It's hard for the best dad in the world to make up for the possible inherited emotional makeup and the influences of a psycho ex-wife. I dated my boyfriend for 3 years before we got married; after each being divorced once and knowing how hard it is to make blended families work we wanted to be careful. He had custody for 9 months out of the year, the mother had the summers. Most of our problems came to light after we were married. After the suicide attempt the SD stayed 9 days in a psyche hospital for troubled teens. My husband and I were blamed by some of his family and the ex-wife for his daughters problems. Her caseworker at this hospital was horrible as the ex-wife had convinced her we were the root cause of it all and I left in tears one day. Had he not stood up for me to his family I very well may have taken my son and left. But, he did stand up for me and he is a good, good man so we are still together and are now empty nesters. My second piece of advice is counseling - for everyone that will go; you and your boyfriend and especially the SD. But be careful, we had some bad ones during our troubles so make sure you get a good one. Don't be afraid to try another if the first one doesn't work. I guess it boils down to you weighing out what your relationship with him means to you, keeping the welfare of your daughters in mind of course as it seems like they are still young. Sounds like you jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, so to speak. Not fun. However, kids grow up and (hopefully) start their own lives, so are you better with him or without him? My last piece of advice is pray. Pray and pray some more! Ask other people to pray for you and her as well. And find someone to talk to - a counselor, minister or the like, not just a friend. There is hope. Now at 21 my SD is really growing up and maturing. She has gotten off her anti-depressants and is beating her depression. She has moved away which means she's also far away from her mother who tends to cause problems. We have been taking small steps in the last year to building a new relationship and we are making good progress. Good luck to you!...See Morepopi_gw
15 years agosylviatexas1
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Gardener972Original Author