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mounshadou

Estranged from Son and DIL

mounshadou
9 years ago

First I have to say there is a certain amount of comfort I have gotten from reading the posts on this website. I am not alone! I called my 81-year old mother on Thanksgiving Day, 2013 to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving. She had been living with my sister and her husband for over a year and I knew that there would eventually be issues because of some past "history" with the BIL. Only once did I mention my son and then just to say something about having a little tiff with him (this was over an email that he had written to me and other family members about how we should all be supportive of my sister and BIL and tell them you great and wonderful they were to take of Grandma - whole other issue there). Anyway, Friday morning, my husband starts getting emails from my DIL about what a horrible person I am and that I have disowned my grandchildren and involved a sick old woman in my "issues". This went on most of the morning with emails from my DIL and son sent to me getting worse and worse until I guess they had vented enough. I was accused of breaking my granddaughter's heart by backing out on a graduation trip to Europe and disowning them all and unfriending them all on facebook. I immediately called my mother back (I could not get my son or his wife to answer the phone) and asked her what had gone on at my sister's house. It appears that my BIL went absolutely ballastic at my mother for talking to me on the phone and my mother went in her room and did not come out the rest of the day. While I was talking to her on the phone (with two witnesses in the room with her) she got very panicky and said she had to get off the phone because the BIL was coming home. I have no idea what really happened but what I can piece together is that the BIL called my DIL and told her a whole bunch of lies about me and that my sister, also trying to get the pressure off her husband emailed my son and said that I had said something to mom to upset her. Needless to say, my son and his wife have not spoken to me since. So just a little background - this is actually a common occurrence - my sister and her husband have done this multiple times - said that I did something to them that I never did and had the whole family against me for years at a time. I am heartbroken because all four of my grandchildren reside either with my son (3 children) or with my sister (1 grandchild - another story). I do not expect to ever see my mother or my grandchildren again because of the situation. I know I should be thinking about forgiveness but since my sister and her husband have done this multiple times to me over the past 25 years, I am just a little beyond forgiveness. In addition, my son is 40 years old and I cannot believe he did not know all of the things that the BIL has done in the past. He had the nerve to say to me what has BIL ever done to you? It made me realize how self absorbed and self centered he was. I am heart-broken but I am also pretty sure I do not want these people back in my life. Although I also love my mother - I can see that she has been an enabler in all of this and allowed my sister to use me as a scapegoat since we were little. I'd love to hear how others have handled situations. Thanks

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