My 21 yr. old son has been on the wrong path since he graduated high school. He went off to college for one semester and began a part-time job, but neither was what he wanted, so he was expelled from school and terminated from his employment due to not showing up for BOTH! My husband and I found out once we received the letter from both his college and his employer indicating his expulsion and his termination from his job. We have exhausted every option we could think of on our own, such as talking with him, trying to get him to talk to us to let us know what's going on within him, and having others (family/friends) talk with him on a mentorship basis. None of this worked, I even sent him to live with his uncle who faced similar issues when he was around this age, and later got it together. I figured this experience could possibly help him to see his current path was one of self-destruction. However, this living arrangement for him was of no help, he continued to hang-out with what he calls friends, not work, or even look for work. His uncle set him up with a part-time job that he never even showed up for. Why? None of us knows but him. Shortly after, he disappeared from his uncle's home for about a week, with no contact, my brother contacted me looking for him, he was very worried. My husband and I finally found him hanging out with a friend in one of the worse parts of our city that is known for outright gang-banging, drug sales, and all of the sort. I was feeling devastated and angry upon seeing him in this environment, and we took him back to our house where we tried talking with him again. We suggested that he try counseling, but he refused, saying he doesn't need, nor want counseling of any kind. My extended family suggested to me to just sit his bags on the front porch and let that be that. My aunt in specific told me that I must let him find his way on his own. I couldn't bring myself to do that, so my last and final option to him was Job Corps. I told him to look into it and see if anything interested him that he may want to give a shot. Since he was back in our home, we informed him again of the rules of our house, and that is that he must be working towards positive productivity and growth in order to remain in our home. For the next 3 mos. we saw none of this, he continued to hang-out with his non-productive friends, smoke weed, listen and create vulgar rap music, and represent his gang, despite coming home at curfew (11pm). As soon as we determined that Job Corps was taking too long, and we weren't even sure that he went to enroll anyway, we informed him that he must move-out. However, later that afternoon Job Corps contacted him with an open slot, and we suggested from the very beginning that he choose a location out of state so he could separate himself from all the influence of street life. He did lie and tell us he did, but we discovered on the day we took him to the bus station to depart for the center facility that he chose an in-state location. We know this was to ensure that he have access to the city and his so-called buddies. This seemed to be going fine for the past year (Nov. 2013-Present), until I learned he was arrested a month ago for cannabis possession while on a weekend visit to the city. I only found out because his court date reminder arrived in the mail two days ago. up. His dad discussed this with him and he told him he said nothing about it because it was "his business, and he had it under control." He then said to both of us "I won't keep making bad decisions my whole life, but i'm going to live my life how I want to live it, and that's that." My husband concluded that he was saying that he's going to do what he wants, and despite what we say or suggest, it will not sink in. My husband said to me that it was time to let him go, and let him live, maybe this will be the wake-up call for him when he realizes he can't lean on us for financial or housing support anymore. He then told our son that we love him, and we wish nothing but the best for him. He then told our son that we want him to live his life, and live his best life, but in the direction he's going in, it won't be in our home. He told him he can no longer come to our home for overnight weekend visits, until he gets himself together, and he took our house keys from him. He told him that we expect for him to continue to keep in touch with us and the rest of the family, and we can always set up times to get together for lunch or dinners. He also let him know that when he needs someone to talk to, do not hesitate to contact us. Lastly, he took him to work with him on this past Saturday to let him make a little money for his pocket, as this is the last weekend he will spend in our home. Hearing this broke my heart, to see my son who showed so much promise all the way through high school and graduate as valedictorian with 3.75 G.P.A, just take a turn for the worst and ruin his attempt at college, which is costing my husband and I $10,000, and my son $3,000 plus interest which he isn't even paying. He worked summer jobs, and part-time jobs from the time he was in 8th grade. He was a part of so many programs all through his elementary and high school years. I just don't know what caused him to deter from a promising path other than himself. He's still in Job Corps for now, but he's 80% finished with his trade. Don't know if he'll still be there though after his court date next week for his cannabis arrest. We've exhausted every option we can think of in trying to get him to see that the culture of street life leads to nowhere good, but it seems to have such a hold on him, and he obviously believes it is what he wants to experience. I know my husband and I have already let him know that he is on his own, but I keep feeling that it is something else, another option that we can utilize to try and help him choose a better path for himself. We decided to have his cell-phone that we pay for disconnected after his court date next week, my husband doesn't think we should tell him, but I think we should. I told my husband doing it that way shows the decision is coming from a place of anger, and that we should just let him know. He told me it wasn't, and this is part of letting our son go on his own, saying "he'll find out when he can't use it anymore." Anyone have any suggestions or helpful advice for me? Am I just feeling the emotion that stems from completely letting go of my son?