| Hello TC, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. Yes, I can relate to this part of your post, "My memories of her (when I was young) were of a woman who was defeated, depressed, and angry." My mother was not a single mother and that is where our experience differs. Likewise, you state, "She had a HUGE distrust of men...and passed those feelings/thoughts onto me as a child. Thus, as an adult, I had to overcome those viewpoints in order to have a healthy relationship with a man." My mother also had trust issues, some of which she passed on to her daughters. Her trust issues however were not solely focused on men. I think her issues were a combination of her unbringing and later, her life experiences which taught her that people cannot be trusted. I believe that my mother always suffered a depressed personality, although she refused to get treatment. The subject was taboo. She, like many other people, viewed depression as a personality weakness or character flaw, something that could be abated and remedied by keeping busy. I see the tragedy and flawed logic in this type of thinking and view the situation much differently. I know depression can be treated. I also know that there are choices that one can make to help with the symptoms of depression such as a combination of medication and counseling with a professional qualified therapist. People can seek help if they choose. Sadly many people don't feel that they have a choice. I do not know your mother's situation. I, too have suffered severe depression. I view it as arising from a combination of factors. I differed from my mother, because I chose to get help. I took another path and chose counseling. I don't regret either decision. My family's negative opinions of me as being weak, "too sensitive" and all of their other derogatory judgements has not changed. I also have some trust issues, however I'm more of the mindset that "trust and respect are EARNED". I've had some horrible life experiences, which I've learned from. I also feel angry, however I view that as a normal response to my experiences. I don't feel angry all the time. I don't feel compelled to share my life story with everyone or to talk about these experiences. I also don't have a problem with that, however other people do and they complain how I don't allow them access into my life. These people rarely view how their own problematic behaviors would provide an incentive to prevent that. They don't like their motivations and behaviors being scrutinized and have some idiotic notion that I should trust them instantly. It is their issue and problem NOT mine. If they can't offer empathy and understanding, then quite frankly I view them as people who don't care about my feelings. People who don't care about my feelings don't deserve to be in my life. It's a two-way street. I have only one friend who is emotionally supportive. He recognized how I scrutinize other people's behaviors and motives. He didn't have a problem with it. Rather than seeing it as a negative he saw it as positive--a character strength and not a weakness. He sought to learn about me and my experiences, rather than making everything all about him and trying to "fix me". He also offered empathy and understanding instead of lables and judgements. He viewed me as wise and discerning, rather than "untrusting". He also sought to gain my trust and respect, something very different from how I experienced other people. He said he felt that getting to know me was worth it and he accepted who I was. For me that is a much healthier basis for a relationship. | 
