I tell my little one that "Mommy's ears are tired - You need to let Mommy's ears rest."

Of course, that sounds a little 'babyish' for a 13 year old. Is this the first time you're making an effort to 'stifle' her?

I would also try to make an effort to really talk to her and let her really talk to you too. She just may be craving some quality attention. If you can, try giving her just a few minutes of your undivided attention right before bed, or some other calm time... It make make it a little easier for you all the other times.

If all else fails, buy her a phone ;-)

Nah, it's not the first time, we'ver tried for ages. Always thought she'd outgrow it. It's just to the point now that it has become supremely irritating. Some evenings she really tries, but about 5 minutes of not talking is all she's good for, then she starts in again. She was a slow talker as a toddler, so maybe she's just trying to make up for it? I figure she's made up for about the next 15 years, ya know? Her teachers all comment about how quite she is in class--never know she's there unless she has something useful to add or a legitimate question to ask. I guess we just get everything she's bottled up all day.

She'll move out in a few years, I suppose. Just can't see us saying "I sure miss having her around all the time"...

How old is she? You didnt mention in your post.I ask this because younger children DO tend to talk ALOT,about nonsense. It can be really annoying,yes.
My daughter is 9 and she is a talker too. I joke that sometimes she sounds like 10 kids. She has gotten much better though then when she was younger.I made polite,but stern comments to her like,
"Honey,mommy is trying to cook dinner right now.If you have something important to say I can listen,but if not can we talk about this later?"

Also,I hope you dont take offense,but being an incessant talker is also a sign of ADHD.My nephew talks to hear himself talk.He'll sit there and go,"BLAH BLAH BLAH!" really loud for no good reason.He's not even saying anything,just always has to be making noise of some kind.His teachers think he's ADHD.
Maybe something to look into.Maybe not.She may just be very inquizative.

If she is quiet at school, sounds like she is making up for it at home. She feels that she is heard at home, maybe she feels, not heard, at school.

Is she a talker with her friends, have your had her friends around at your house, and seen how she gets on with them ?

I agree with you, saying "shutup" is really rude and I think it is good that you are mindful of treating her with respect.

I think its okay to say to her "Its quiet time now".

Mind you I would make sure that you have spoken to her about her day, and you have listened to her. I mean, made eye contact, whilst you are listening to her.

It would concern me that she was not learning the "rules" of conversation. Along the lines of taking turns to talk, and actively listening, whilst the other is having their turn.

What sort of role models, of talking are you and your wife ? Are you talkers, normally ? Maybe she is mirroring you.

I guess, as Coolmama says, ADD might be worth looking into.

I like quiet, at night, I am exhausted, the only conversation I want to hear is the TV! Thankfully my children are quiet !

Peaceful evenings to you my friend.

Popi

What do you want? Just to have silence all the time? You say she's quiet when watching TV or reading. It's very normal for people to talk and communicate with one another...
When you are all having dinner together does she interrupt and try to hog the conversation?
Her teachers don';t seem to think she has a problem. I think the problem is with you.
Buy her a cell phone and let her talk to her friends.
Linda C

Not to make light of it, but it could be worse. If she sulked and didn't talk to you at all, that would be much worse.

I'm sorry you're tired of listening to people by the time your family is together again in the evening. But that has nothing to do with your daughter. She still deserves to be heard by you.

That said, she is still plenty old enough to learn to read other people's feelings and know when enough is enough. Maybe you can direct her chatter a little. Sit down with a soft drink and do nothing else but listen to her for 10-15 minutes, then make her understand something else needs your attention now. For the times when she rambles with seemingly no point, direct her with open-ended questions. "What do you feel/think about that?" or "Why do you think she did that?" That will help you get to the information you really do want to hear from her. And it will help her learn to focus her ideas and words. If you really need the quiet, but she really needs to tell you all she is thinking, ask her to write it down in a journal and you'll read it later. You can even respond in the journal and make it a nice way to communicate with her... quietly.;o) Again, it's also a good way for her to practice focusing her thoughts. If she has to write it all, she might find she has a little less that must be said.

Apparently, I was like that as a teen. Quiet at school, but with close friends and family I'd talk their ears off. Everyone in my family has a story about taking me somewhere as a teen and me talking the entire time. It must have gotten annoying, but they protected my feelings and never said anything to me at the time. Only once I was an adult did they start to tease me a little about it.

Geez,another snide comment from LindaC.No,I'am not surprised.

Ye gads, whatever you do, don't buy her a phone! Maybe she needs a good buddy. You might try getting her interested in a hobby that will keep her busy.

My youngest was our late talker. He chose to quit talking as a baby, partly because we then paid more attention to him trying to get him to talk. When he did finally talk, he was a motor mouth too. Finally, in his late 20s, he is quieting down some--and putting his talking skill to good use some day as he is studying to be a lawyer!!!!

I agree with Lindac. She is your daughter and she is not ADHD. She is a normal teen who just has alot to say. She wants your attention and she does not deserve to be called any names like motor mouth. My kids are still fairly young. Many nights one of them want to sleep with me and dad. I almost never turn them away because i know that one day they wont need to sleep with us any more. The same goes with your daughter. One day she will not need you to listen. However, she is entering the most important years of where you need to listen most.

How do you know she is not Adhd? One of the symptoms is incessant,non-stop talking.Unless you have a medical degree it is not fair for you to say.
I just think LindaC could be a little kinder when speaking to people.Her first thing is to always point fingers and judge.She has been rude to me on several occasions.It is one thing speak your mind and another to openly rude.

People in glass houses shouldnt throw stones! You seem to get very mad and defensive when someone does not agree with you. As far as the ADD and the non stop talking, she doesnt seem to talk so much in school. ADD is not something that a person can just shut off.

Excessive talking at home is not a symptom of ADHD, however a constant defensive attitud is a symptom of neurosis.
Linda C

Here is a link that might be useful: characteristics of ADHD

Having two kids who are ADHD (one with, one without the hyperactivity component)what you describe does not sound like it. If she had ADHD then she would almost certainly have problems at school also. You say she does not so it may be more of an attention seeking behavior when she is at home. Try to spend some one on one quality time with her and really listen. It is amazing how many things take our attention away from our loved ones. Also, maybe she is highly intelligent and easily bored and is just looking for something to keep occupied. Maybe exploring the possibility of an extracurricular activity or volunteer type experience would give her something to focus some of that energy on.

Good luck with this. I understand where you are coming from as my 8 year old never stops talking and it can get quite tiring to be in the same room with her for more than a few minutes. I have literally had to leave the house at times just to maintain my sanity. Try to stay positive and keep telling yourself you likely have a very smart kid who will hopefully go into politics or law some day and support you in your old age :)

I guess I would defensive to a bunch of old bats who are jealous and spiteful and have nothing nice to say.

No bother here,I have a life.

I never said she definitely has ADHD because I dont claim to be a know-it-all unlike some people,but I said it may be worth looking into.
I'm not gonna bash OP though for finding non-stop talking to be annoying like you holier than thou people who seem to think you're better than everyone else.

"# Talks excessively
# Blurts out the answers before questions have been completely asked
# Frequently has difficulty waiting for his or her turn
# Often interrupts or intrudes on others' conversations or games

A few signs of ADHD.

Besides,OP never said that his daughter simply talks excessively to him only.So obviously it is not because she just wants his attention.

"because she can't/won't stop talking, singing, crooning at the animals, etc."

Sounds like she is just talking to talk to me.

And,I could really careless if you like me or what I have to say. I wouldnt want to fit in with your kind anyways.

Perhaps she just likes the sound of her voice ?

Hearing problem, perhaps, think laterally, perhaps a check up at the doctor, if you are concerned.

Popi

When my first child was a toddler, and in daycare, I recall reading that it was "normal" for children to act out when they arrived home with mom or dad. True to form, our DD was a little "bear" the minute we walked in the door. Once I became a sahm, she would act out upon returning from school or preschool. It was her immature, but age appropriate, way of releasing the stress from the day. Fast forward a few years: when she and her younger brother came home after school, the two of them would argue with each other the first 30 minutes or so. It was their way of reconnecting with each other. After they had their bit of bickering they would be off playing together peacefully. It drove me nuts, but they mostly outgrew it.

Perhaps this incessant talking is your daughter's way of releasing stress and reconnecting with you. Feel fortunate that she does talk to you. My DD, now 16, always talked a lot. Now we are very grateful that she always felt comfortable talking with us. Sometimes she tells us things we don't "really" want to hear, but the alternative is far worse.

http://www.adhdnews.com/testforum/test2580.htm

Go to this web address. There are many people who have very similar stories about non-stop talking and a few good tips on how to deal with it.I found it by googling non-stop talking and ADHD came up.

As I think someone else mentioned... if it is not happening at school too, I don't see how it could be ADHD because kids can NOT turn it on and off at will...that's what ADHD is. This kid is quiet at school, right?

Bottom line, I think most of us have experienced and or have had a child that talks not stop at times. It may be personality or maybe it's just situational, but generally, it's normal. Yes, if you combine it with your own job noise stresses and don't really have time to deal with it, it may appear to be a bigger problem than it is. Teenage girls talking and the desire to want to tell them to shut up is normal. Just as babies cry, it's aggrevating, annoying and noisey, but normal. I would be more worried if your daughter didn't talk. Maybe cutting out your job or daytime stresses if possible, would help you be more relaxed to deal with her talkative stage. It's not her fault that your jobs are so taxing, or that she doesn't yet have the intellectual level to argue quantum physics. And, again, I think a little one on one attention may help. She may feel she is being ignored.

I think some of the posters may be annoyed by the post in general because it seems to imply there is something wrong with the girl that needs to be fixed on her end... When I would guess it may be the parents attitude with problem that needs to be adjusted. If the OP just wants a little compassion, that's fine. I totally hear you. Even my son's friends tell him to "be quiet". I totally understand what you are going through, but I know if I get stressed out about his talking, it's my problem, not his. So, I work on ways I can stay calm to deal or listen to him, not ways to change or shut him up (except in the car when I demand silence for safety reasons). Since I've had children, I have never had or expected a night at home to be peaceful and/or quiet. It's just not going to happen any time soon. If you really need a peaceful night and some alone time now and then, I suggest you get out of the house either alone or with your husband/wife and go out to dinner or something. I've been known to take a long walk or drive just to get some quiet time to myself.... of course, my "talker" almost always wants to come with (and, yes, I usually let him).

Good luck to you.

What an interesting bunch of comments, questions, and retorts. To address some of these...

She's 13, as mentioned in the title. She's a good kid overall, a good student, and can be a very loving young lady. I have no reason to think ADHD is involved--actually I've always considered that diagnosis to be an over-used crutch to "explain" spoiled little brats. There's no doubt it does exist, and is frustrating and time consuming to deal with.

Lindac, I'm sure your response wasn't meant the way it came across. I don't remember requesting somebody to assign fault. Why in the world would you suggest buying her a celphone? If you really believe that is an appropriate solution, please forward me your address and have you billed for the phone.

We've had her checked out for hearing issues, everything is fine.

We had soem counselling sessions last summer, and it seemed to help some. She admitted to the counsellor that she acted the way she did "because [she] can". Overall behavior has improved, but she seems to use the verbal run-on as a control issue. It's like she's holding us hostage by her mouth.

We'll talk with her (note "talk with",not just "listen too mindless ramblings") all she wants, about any topic she wants to talk about. Lack of attention is not a problem, nor does giving her more attention reduce the problem. I would prefer to have an intelligent conversation instead of having the idiot box going.

When she's with her friends, there seems to be the normal flow of conversation between them.

I suppose we could always try some duct tape...Oh relax! it's a joke. The sticky residue is hard to get off, anyway.

I think the basic problem is a simple lack of respect on her part. I was working way too many hours when she was younger and wasn't there to support her mother. Mom is non-confrontational and has let DD run all over her. Since I'm home much more now, I'm less inclined to put up with it, and expect DD to show respect for both of us. It does me no good to try to instill that when I'm home if Mom can't/won't do it when I'm not home.

At this point, I'm just hoping she gets a scholarship to a college away from home. And yes, I love my children. I just believe that you raise them to leave. That's our job as parents. The oldest one will probably stick around home an extra year after high school and take classes at the local JuCo, because scholarship potentials are not looking real good right now. I can deal with that. We barely ever see her as it is, between high school, Tech school, her job and friends. I expect to see less of her after high school.

Thanks for all the responses and links. It's been an interesting exchange.

Without getting sexist about the issue, now you have me thinking part of this might be a girl thing men don't understand. Men and women communicate differently, we all know that. And it starts young. Yeah, our sons and daughters both need verbal stimuli and physical stimuli. But there really is a difference in the equation. Girls and women generally need that verbal release of stress every day. Boys need a physical release of stress.

I know mothers suddenly frustrated by their 10-12 y/o son's intense physical expression. Someone new to boys might be annoyed by the natural change level of aggression that comes on pre-puberty. Boys are more likely to naturally release their daily stress by wrestling with each other, hitting a ball as hard as they can, running for no reason. I've seen it with my boys.

Girls have to tell stories to someone to get the feelings out. Sometimes the same story over and over again.

But of course we don't make that an excuse to let our boys aggression or physical expressions run rampant. They have to learn to focus and release it in healthy ways, or without taking it out on other people.

So I can see that girls need to do the same thing, learn to focus that need to release in words, without taking it out too much on the people around them. ;o) I don't think I'd get her a cell phone either. I'd get a journal.
I can see that she would learn to use the talking to control you sometimes, hold you hostage just to test the limits of your patience or even if she's angry at your control over her as a parent so she flexes control where she can. I will admit to having done that a few times in my life. I remember my mother having conversations with me about how I was using words to control other people's feelings. So I think the trick would be to recognize when 1)she truly needs to be heard, 2)when she's manipulating you, and 3) when it's casual conversation that only seems manipulative b/c you're worn out from your own day before she even saw you.

My 13 y/o is a boy and doesn't do the talking thing. But he does the physical bully thing to his siblings. I send him outside to release that energy in a better way. He is learning to recognize in himself the energy building in him that will either come out as anger or controlled with exercise. My 10 y/o is a boy, too, and is starting to feel that physical energy he doesn't know what to do with.

DD is only 7, but talks a lot, especially in the car! Sometimes when the AC is running I really cannot hear what she is saying. I had to tell her the other day I can either listen to her or run the AC, "Is what you're saying important enough to let the car get hot?" It wasn't. LOL, she chose the AC. Sometimes at home I've sat and listened to her for 20 minutes. But then it's like it encouraged her and she doesn't stop, she follows me right to the bathroom door and keeps talking. I have to tell her "It's not your turn anymore." Or if I'm trying to get dinner going and can't pay attention to so many things at once, or the kitchen noises make it impossible to have conversation at the same time, I just tell her "Is this really more important that our family having some dinner?" She needs to learn when it can wait.

I think this sounds like an issue of family dynamics. While you don't want to let one member's habit control the family dynamics, you can't let resentment of that person's habit control the family dynamics either. You have to be careful not to generalize and define that person by that one annoying habit.

Well,if you are saying it's a control issue with your daughter,than one of the best things to do is what we always hear when someone is bothering us: IGNORE IT.

I would either say,"I'm not speaking to you until you speak like a civilized person" Or,I would simply pick up whatever I'm doing and move to a different room away from her.
If she DOES want your attention,she will see that is not the way to go about doing it,and hopefully stop.

plaidthumb, after reading your post i realized you are the worlds worst parent. Hopefully she will move away for college. Unfortunately she is only 13 and she will be subjected to many more years of you verbal abuse.

A+ response, ninos! Ignorant reward for you today!!

plaidthumb, I think you hit the nail on the head, she's acting out and using it as her control mechanism. But, give her the control every now and again, and she won't try to usurp. You're also right in it not being ADHD. Anyone who can read the DSM knows it takes the occurrences happening in at least two places (and to those of you who don't know what a DSM is, don't use the terms ADD or ADHD).

My son used to call me over and over again to his room at bedtime. As I realized what he was doing, I began to say, "You're going to bed soon, so let's take a few minutes. Are there things you'd like to tell me or important matters to discuss?". Important is the best word, you'd be surprised what kids find important. Give it the importance they find it carries. It didn't take long to become, "No, I don't have anything to discuss" and we stopped, but he still knows he has my ear if we need to take a few minutes.

"(and to those of you who don't know what a DSM is, don't use the terms ADD or ADHD)."

Since we're telling people what they can or can't talk about...Sorry, but I would think anyone who really knows what DSM means would probably refer to it as "THE DSM", not "A DSM". I'm guessing maybe you really shouldn't be throwing out terms either. ;-)

We've had my almost 13 year-old stepGS almost 4 years now. Had severe behavior issues then wrongly diagnosed as Asperger's autism. My husband and I showed him affection when appropriate - bedtime, a good behavior day at school, etc. DH and I are affectionate at home, holding hands watching TV and so on, but nothing inappropriate in front of the kid. He'd get jealous and start acting up, kinda like Daffy Duck doing his "Wahoo" jumping around tirade and other noisy activities. Wouldn't quit, got worse on our prompting. We finally learned that sending him to his room or sitting alone at the kitchen table until he acted appropriately was the key, and that he recieved attention when he behaved.

Also, he had to learn appropriate use of hands, personal touching. Still working on that one sometimes. He'd been severely abused by his brother and had no idea of appropriate personal space. He'd walk up and slap my face or behind or DH's, get in trouble on the bus or at school for the same things. That is NOT allowed at his school so we've had to painstakingly teach him one by one, which activities are allowed. Had to teach him not to take things just because he wanted them - Like Grandpa's $20 bills, my fingernail clippers, matches to start fires in his room, etc.

My point is that, after getting to know our DGS, Plaidthumb's DD is probably exhibiting inappropriate behavior perhaps to get attention or for other reasons. She needs to learn that when it is time for quiet family time, she must behave appropriately or leave the room. No being a brat just to get attention or to bother people unnecessarily.

I would love to have been blessed with the gift of gab. Unfortunately I require a bit of silence after hearing 3 kids chatter for several hours. There is nothing wrong with telling your daughter daddy and I need to have some time to talk and reconnect.. put her in her room a little early and say,"you don't have to go to sleep, but rest, read a book, I love you, see ya in the morning".