It has been over two years since this post was written. Here is a quick update. We tried two assisted living facilities, we did a nursing home, we did three group homes, and during this time she's had a big hospitalization, so there was the acute care and a rehab hospital. We hired four different in-home aides to help. One ripped us off for about 40 thousand dollars. You read that right. Forty Grand. She'd take my MIL to the hairdressers or out to lunch, only she was stopping at the bank for my MIL and would take a few thousand each trip. She cleaned my MIL out from her savings. And, she took some antique linens, some jewelry from my MIL and me. She took some Polish Pottery from my china cabinet, and basically, had a field day at our expense. (Yes, there are police reports. Only no prosecutions as my MIL is the primary witness and she is useless and the aide swears that it was all given to her as gifts.) One aide was horrible and we canned her after two weeks of paying her to sit and drink coffee and do nothing, the other two were okay, but not worth the money or time. As soon as my MIL would say she didn't want a shower or whatever, they felt compelled to honor her patient rights. The facilities, to a last one all failed. My MIL was a horrible fit for each one and ended up turning me into the state, the county, and to adult protective services for abuse. I have had five intense and complete investigations due to my MIL's claims (proven to be lies after investigations.. oh gee, she'd lie?? I call her "The Patron Saint of All Holy Liars), and all of them proved my MIL has progressive dementia and that not only am I not abusive to her (or anyone), but that I am the standard bearer or the gold standard of in-home care giving and wouldn't it be great if everyone was as good as I am. Yea, why doesn't everyone give up their lives for the demented aims of the demented. So, my MIL is still here. The granddaughter is going to be 4 years old soon. I spend as much time as I can with our granddaughter and make every effort to make the basic care for my MIL but to stay away from her as much as possible. My MIL is worse than she was, but is stable and healthy here. She is quite happy to see her son everyday and she gets on the telephone with her friends and goes on and on about what a horrible woman I am. I don't cry as much, I don't complain as much, and I don't lash out for a life much anymore. I have come to accept that I am worthless and will have to either wait until she finally dies or I get the balls up myself to walk out on my husband and kiss this dream good bye. Because.. this dream is a nightmare. Oh yea, a couple of her friends have come here to rescue her from me. They believed her stories. One even came with her adult daughter my age and a traveling caregiver to help with the transfer to take my MIL with them and out of my evil clutches. When they saw the truth, they were shocked and ashamed. And, they LEFT HER! I would have been thrilled to have had them take her! But, they said they wouldn't be able to give her the care she needs.. BS! They saw what a wicked old crone she was and didn't want her in their lives. We've never heard from them again!! So, two years down the road and my life is as bad, if not worse. She's either not fit or been kicked out of every facility we've tried. I could tell you the graphic accounts, but trust me on this.. you don't want to have to read it. It is hard to find any happiness in life at all. And, I know that she is going to be here until I die. Not her.. me. And, my death is something I look forward to now. Amazing how much life can change in two years..

I agree w/ the message other people are saying but your mom isn't asking for something frivolous. She is asking for money for a bankruptcy attorney. (Granted she is asking for that money because she spent her money on other frivolous things.) I would lend her the money for the bankruptcy attorney (let her know that it is a loan and also talk to the attorney and understand what she is getting for $2,000. It seems a little on the high side to me. And you want to make sure that she isn't being taken by a scam.) Then review her finances and make sure she has a plan for how to sustain herself. Does she have a house that needs to be sold? Can she afford rent? Would she have to go to government housing? Plus once you lend her the money you can keep telling her that you won't lend her any more money because she hasn't paid you back from the last time. This is a way to stop future expenses. My parents did this on a much smaller scale w/ my aunt. She doesn't call anymore because my parents keep asking for the money back that they gave her last time (which was only about $40 or so). Don't wait for the situation to get so bad that she has no recourse and wants to move in with you. You don't want to make a choice between your mom living on the street and your mom living w/ you.

I don't think it's fair to gauge celebrity adoptions by Joan Crawford's. During that era, every aspect of a star's life was planned for publicity value. Rock Hudson & Raymond Burr were protected from being "outted", even to the point of studio-arranged marriages! Joan Crawford's adoptions were likely done for the publicity, & her star status made her approval a sure thing. but meanwhile, during the same era, Elizabeth Taylor adopted a little girl & gave her all the love & all the advantages that her position & her wealth could provide. Later, Mia Farrow adopted a big family, one at a time, from many different countries, & she found fulfillment & contentment as a mother. From what I've seen, Angelina is devoted to her children; except for evening parties or black-tie events, she almost always has one in her arms & is holding hands with another one or more. If the wheels were greased to expedite Angelina's adoptions, I say hurray for axle grease: the children she adopted likely wouldn't have survived to adulthood had she not come along, & she's done a great deal to bring attention to adoption & to the plight of children in third-world countries. As far as the other siblings denying that any abuse went on, abusive parents often pick one child as the "scapegoat". When that happens, the other children almost always deny that there was any abuse going on in the home. There was a horrifying incident here in Texas several years ago. A woman had kept her 7-year-old child in closets & crawlspaces for years. The woman's boyfriend, evidently afraid of being involved to any worse extent than he already was, told someone. When she was rescued, near death, the child weighed, I forget, something like 25 pounds, her skin was covered in sores, sunshine hurt her eyes, & she cried when she first walked on grass, complaining that it was "biting" her. She never had walked on grass. She didn't know her name; they called her "the girl". The other children in the household were fed & clothed, they went to school, etc. *They never had told anyone that there was a child living in the closets/crawlspaces in their home.* All the children were taken away, & the little one was adopted by the couple who had wanted her at birth. don't know where the other siblings are now, but I remember reading that they were in therapy to overcome the problems that they had due to living lives of denial, guilt, & fear ("The girl doesn't get to eat because she's bad. If I'm bad, I won't get to eat." etc)

IMA I stopped looking at the online grade thingie about 3 months after it was started in our district because I was the only one who cared...!!! not mom not dad not the kids ... so I not cared too ... I also gave up on asking if homework was started/done/had any ... not my concern my kids graduated ... you just have to stop giving a $hit about anything she does ...or doesn't do for that matter .... when her and dad are discussing trick or treating you get passive aggressive and somehow say ....hey SD can you print your online grades to show daddy I just haven't had the time... I have much less stress than I used to.. I cannot care anymore ... I know its hard to watch them fail but you have to let them and let their parents deal with it NYKNYP. It is simple to say and not easy to do ... I haven't asked any of them about homework in atleast 2 years ... does it drive me nutz sure ... but not much I can do about it other than drive myself nutz .... so I chose not to ask not to care... I know all children need guidance and structure and direction ... but I got nothing but grief from them and I was the only one who cared ..... stop caring focus on what you can change ... IMA your SD does it to get attention but not your attention mom's and dad's let them worry about it .... even if the only thing you can change is the sheets on your bed do it ... I know it sounds like I am a callous b&*$h but it is the only way I have kept my sanity... I will repeat the only thing I do for my SC is make dinner ... I do not even call them to the table to eat it. You see everything I did was answered with some snide remark or a grunt and groan ... even picking them up at school I would have to wait 20 minutes for them to saunter out of school. Dropping off I would be waiting in the car for them to saunter out for a ride to school... so I stopped rides to and from school nothing I did was good enough for their standards ... very high maintainance children :) My rules now: Eat your dinner ...if you don't like it I don't want to hear about it just get up go... I get out of work at midnight all kids should be in their rooms. If I am home by 10pm I do not want children in the living room go in your room stay up all night I do not care but do not bother me ... I know the dirty looks are aggrevating ... I do not make eye contact with SD it is very tense here when she is here but on the other hand its peaceful for me ... when she starts her BS I just go and find something else to do let her father deal with her ... Since I had the police come here in Aug SD has not pushed my buttons she tries to be civil ... when I am not here she has meltdowns because her dad and by an extension mom do not deal with it immediately. She knows I will not put up with her BS and have her removed from my home. Your SD is more sneaky than my SD ... my SD has meltdowns and explodes ...yours stays silent and plays victim .. mine becomes the tormentor... different actions same result. Afterall we wouldn't want them to actually like us and betray their never do anything wrong mothers ... My hubby cares a lot more than he used to but only because I have instilled in him that he wasn't doing them any favors by not parenting them... I nearly died yesterday when I heard him say to BM... I hope the children can't hear what you are saying about them.... he said she was saying f this I don't have to deal with this $hit anymore all they do is eat and make a mess little B&*(h was doing something that set mom off ... then SS13 (who is overweight) went to get a snack so she starting calling him a fat F*(K Hubby thinks she is looking to give up custody of SD because she doesn't want to deal with anymore. and wants less visitation with the boys ... I told hubby if that happens you are going to have it in writing through the courts with child support again.... its 50/50 now any diffent and she needs to pay support! That will keep her from doing it ... why should she pay for them.