Son dating older girl
BILLIE_IN
18 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (21)
colleencc
18 years agolindac
18 years agoRelated Discussions
Need advice re: 16 yr old son
Comments (24)Everything that everyone has said has gone through my mind when thinking about this issue. I had a similiar situation when I was 14 I had an 18 year old boyfriend. My parents had a fit! Of course I understand now as an adult but then I unleashed holy terror on them. I snuck out at night, skipped school, anything I could to see him. I got pregnant when I was 15 years old...resulting in the son that I am now seeking advice on. Lifes sweet revenge I suppose...LOL. I was with that boyfriend until I was 21 years old. It was a terrible relationship and unfortunately took me until that age to realize it. I really think I spent so many years so focused on making the relationship work to prove a point to my parents. I also wondered if it was handled different and they discussed birth control with me if things would have been different. I would have hickies on my neck but never once was birth control mentioned. I know, I know....I deserve everything I get. ;-) Anyway....at this point this is how I have chosen to handle this and will need to take this day by day. She lives in the same town as his dad lives in so it becomes more of an issue when he is at his house. The other night she came over to their house and they watched a movie together...in a public room. I told him that I would like to meet her as I am apprehensive about them spending time together unsupervised. He told her and she said she understands and she would want the same thing if she was a parent. We were watching sports yesterday and I asked if she likes sports, etc? Figured I'd ease him into openly talking about her w/ me without fear that I am going to go psycho. LOL. I don't want him with a 20 yr old. I also don't want him with some crazy 16 year old girl that smokes marijuana. I also don't want him with a 17 year old girl that has more piercings on her face than an entire rock band. Or an 18 yr old that gets drunk and sleeps with everyone. I pray daily that I am doing the right thing as a parent. Obviously some of you agree with me and some don't. I don't even agree with myself 1/2 of the day. Thanks for listening....See MoreNot happy about teenage son's behavior
Comments (10)There's only one thought I have and it is, you don't really know the whole story, and you didn't ask him for the story. You got really upset. But you still don't KNOW what really went on in that piece of his life. Maybe he broke up w/ her and is nasty to her now. BUT, maybe he broke up w/ her straightforwardly and not meanly, and she's being a pain about it. Maybe hanging up on her was really the only way to handle her. I mean, suppose he broke up w/ her, or told her that no, their few trips w/ friends to the movies didn't mean he was dating her, and SHE defined it as "breaking up." Then, she's pestering him, why doesn't he like her, what can she do to get him "back," etc. And short of telling her he loves her (which he doesn't), nothing he says makes her happy. So, finally, he wisely decides to simply never talk to her about anything and he hangs up instead of trying to unsuccessfully reason w/ her. Maybe. (I hear that girls that age can be REALLY pushy--in fact, I think it's out of line for a girl to ask a boy "why did you break up with me?" Because he wanted to, or because he doesn't like you, that's why, and the only reason you ask that at ANY age is if you want to get your feelings even more hurt. He should have stayed on the line, you think, and said, "because you're bossy, and I don't like you, and there's another prettier girl I like better"? He has rejected her, which is his perogative. It's probably kinder to just end the conversation than to try to persuade her to accept an unpleasant reality she doesn't want to accept. Frankly, that girl put him in an impossible and unfair position--it was rude of her. In fact, the more I think of it, the more I think that was about the only thing he *could* do without being mean. He doesn't want to be mean, because you taught him not to be. But he's ONLY 13--how does he say, "I'm sorry you're unhappy. I'm not changing my mind. The reasons why don't matter and would only hurt you if I said them out loud. I'm going to hang up the phone now.") Or, maybe not. But you don't know, because you didn't ask. You got a message to him that you were upset with him for HIS behavior, but you don't really KNOW anything. You've given him even more reasons to keep a secret--he may think he's doing the only thing he can, but he'll get his mom upset and his dad lecturing him. Now, he knows he can't come to you and say, "this girl is bugging me, how do I get rid of her?" because you'll be upset that he's not respectful enough to a girl. Now would be a good time to say, "Listen, I've realized I don't know the whole story. I still would want you to be respectful to any girl you were 'dating,' and I'd like to talk to you about what 'dating' means to you and your friends. Would you tell me about that girl?" I think w/ kids, esp. teens (and what do I know? I've haven't raised one yet), it's important to gather info before you decide they're wrong....See MoreLost my son to a hateful person
Comments (2)Dear Iharkless, My heart go's out to you. 1st thing that i would do is get your granddaughter back into your home. I am sure there are some hoops that you will have to jump in and out of with the state. But If you can do it please do. as for your son. He is going to have to want to leave her. and he is going to have to see that he isnt happy with what is going on. for your grandson most states have what is called grandparnet Rights. It might be something to check on. If your state does have it you can sue them for vistis with him. just like if you where the mom and husband had custory of the babies. You set up visti's that the child is in your home away from them. giving you time to know the child and be there for the child. and for your son. He is an adult and needs to find that he dont want this anymore. and he needs to walk away. when she is at work and her other kids are at school all he has to to is walk out with his son in tow and go right to the courts and file. till court there is nothing that she can do about it . She sounds to me like a crack pot and only thinging of herself anyways. But again hun your son has to want to leave. Be strong and keep your head up and do the 1st thing and that is get your granddaughter. I understand your pain. living it myself other then its my daughter and 2 granddaughters....See MorePlay Date? or Date...
Comments (15)No idea what to think here as to play date vs date. I guess that unless it were actually me arranging this 'day' for myself and my child or without knowing at least one of the persons involved in the planned 'day'...we're pretty much just tossing out thoughts on something 'we' know nothing about. Are the adults co-workers? Live in same apartment complex/condo? Meet at daycare? I think how the two adults even know each other might add weight in thinking what to term the event. If I were to turn to a co-worker I know well but never thought of 'dating' and said 'hey kid and I are going to the beach/zoo/whatever, if you think your kid would enjoy it, come and tag along'...I'd say day out being co-workers giving kids a chance to have fun and give me someone to visit with and enjoy the day. If I were to ask a male who I see everyday picking his kid up from daycare and had no knowledge/relationship with other than struck up meaningless 'great weather we're having' convo to suddenly say 'hey why don't our kids go to beach/zoo/whatever this Saturday together and we can all have lunch'...I'd think I were date hunting and looking for more than a playdate for my child. This statement has me curious --" I asked on a forum because that is less invasive than asking the parent and making a big fuss about them possibly starting to date again.(especially if they aren't) It was unusual also because previous play dates were arranged around the 6yo and their school friends only".-- It seems the people being asked about in this make believe 'what do you think' thread may not so quite so 'made-up'. If that is the case, does it matter if this adult is thinking of dating again? What has the timeline been between this person's divorce and this possible date/playdate? Has the person been dating minus the kids tagging along with anyone of late? Is this a trial run to see how the other person even relates to children before thinking of a possible real date? Is there a chance the person arranging the event is plain 'man hunting' and using her child to do so? No, I don't expect answers to any of those questions, but the idea was to ask yourself these questions and see how you may now view your original 'what do you think'. If you (not me) had answers to all these questions and knowledge of the people asking and being asked about the play date/date would you still be asking 'what do you all on this forum think'?...See MorePashan
18 years agomary11
18 years agoBILLIE_IN
18 years agoCekimon
18 years agosunrochy
18 years agolucky32
18 years agosocks
18 years agosmom40
18 years agoLarson192_sbcglobal_net
12 years agosilversword
12 years agodreamgarden
12 years agoasolo
12 years agodreamgarden
12 years agoᎠuᏞᏞᎪhᎪᏁ
6 years agolaceyvail 6A, WV
6 years agocolleenoz
6 years agoSylvia Gordon
6 years agoSherry King
6 years ago
Related Stories
HOUZZ TOURSMy Houzz: DIY Love Reforms a Dated Cape Ann Home
Handmade touches and classic neutrals transform a dark Massachusetts house into a beautiful home fit for a family
Full StoryMOST POPULARHouzz Tour: Gracious Older Home Updated for a Young Family
A Texas designer lightens up and repurposes rooms, creating a welcoming space that suits this family’s casual lifestyle
Full StoryCOLORWhy My Son’s Room Will Be Red: An Expert Weighs In on Colors for Baby
Historical facts, trend recaps and enthusiastic support for painting your nursery any darn color you like
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSMy Houzz: From Dated to Dreamy in 3 Weeks
The results belie the speedy makeover of this 1940s Quebec home — which not even a colony of ants could derail
Full StoryMODERN HOMESHouzz TV: A Son Builds on His Father’s Architectural Legacy
Architect Anthony Belluschi updates and expands a home that Northwest modernism pioneer Pietro Belluschi designed nearly 60 years ago
Full StoryBATHROOM COLOR8 Ways to Spruce Up an Older Bathroom (Without Remodeling)
Mint tiles got you feeling blue? Don’t demolish — distract the eye by updating small details
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDES13 Decorating Tips for Older Homes
Preserve the personality of the past while designing for now with these tips for paint, rugs, window treatments and more
Full StoryTRADITIONAL HOMESMy Houzz: Revitalized 1857 Seaside Victorian in New England
Returning American expatriates eager to get settled transform a worn, dated space into a glamorous family home
Full StoryREMODELING GUIDESConsidering a Fixer-Upper? 15 Questions to Ask First
Learn about the hidden costs and treasures of older homes to avoid budget surprises and accidentally tossing valuable features
Full StoryKIDS’ SPACESKids’ Rooms: 10 Gender-Neutral Nursery Ideas
Create a sweet space to suit you and your new baby — whether a boy or a girl
Full Story
princessmookie00