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Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Posted by wijum (My Page) on
Thu, May 24, 07 at 12:19

Hello--I am hoping someone has experienced some of the same feelings I am experiencing. I would like some advice about how to deal with a great longing for a baby girl. I have 3 healthy and rambuncious boys (ages 5, 3, and 1). Although I dearly love my boys, I guess I have always wanted a girl. The past year I have been dealing with these feelings and thought I had come to terms with them. Recently the hormones in my BC made my body feel pregnant and now I am back to square one with all the feelings of sadness and loss. My head tells me to just get over it, but my heart won't. It sounds silly writing all this down, but has anyone else been at this place? Will I always feel this way? DH is very supportive and understanding. He is open to trying again, but I am not sure. However, DH has 2 grown daughters, so having a girl is not such an issue for him.
I know I should just be thankful for 1) having children, and 2) having healthy children--please understand I realize this. I just need to hear how other people have dealt with wanting a girl--or a boy--so bad it hurts.
Thanks for your responses.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Are you seeing your GYN?

I also wanted a girl after my sons were born. Not to the extent you seem to be having, but wanted her nonetheless. She was born when my boys were 10 and 15. I loved dressing her in those frilly little dresses, bows in her hair, cute little shoes... then of course, ballet and tap class, etc. By the time she hit 3rd grade, she became the biggest tomboy you'd ever want to see, and still is somewhat at almost 15. I blame her brothers, who taught her to bite, kick, spit, shoot hoops and slide into homeplate. :)

Good luck in whatever you and DH chose to do.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I always wondered why "Sarah" has all girls or "Susie" has 1 of each. I realized that god gives you what you need. Maybe a girl is in your future with another pregnancy or maybe your path is to adopt.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I hope you are blessed with grand-daughters :) :) :) :) And don't forget those daughter in laws, if they are in the cards!!!!!!! Christy


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I can understand your longing for a girl, its nice to have a female in the house, just like you, to chat to, to go shopping with, to buy pretty things.

I think you will get over feeling like that as you focus on your life with your boys. You will, one day have 3 daughters-in-law and that will be nice for you. Something to look forward to.

You never know how your life will turn out. As one poster says above, her daughter turned into a tomboy !

Across the road from me is a house with 4 daughters and next door is a house with 4 boys. Its curious how some people have so many of the one sex ! My father was one of 8 children, 5 girls and 3 boys. I guess you will get a girl sooner or later, if you keep going, but you might end up with a very large family !

Why do you want a girl, what is it about girls that you feel is lacking in your life ?

Perhaps you could adopt a girl.

Enjoy your boys.

Popi


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Thanks for all your replies. I'm not sure why having a little girl seems to be so important to me. Just one of those long seated desires. I enjoy my little boys--they are exciting, adventuresome, and fun loving. I guess part of the desire is the frilly dresses, the curly red hair that I don't have to cut short (at least I would assume since all 3 boys have red hair), and then later on (hopefully) the chance to help my daughter with her children. I may be wrong but it seems to me that daughters have closer relationships with their parents than sons (at least it is that way in my family). Who knows, we could end up with a daughter that doesn't like us at all!! Maybe we will try again later. I need to get my head screwed on straight before I decide that--get those darned BC hormones out of my body so I can think rationally. Funny how things like the size of your vehicle can partly determine how many kids to have!
Thanks, I am feeling better today. You are right, God has his reasons for me having 3 boys, I just get sad about it sometimes.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

This will give you an almost 9-out-of-10 chance....

Here is a link that might be useful: XSort


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I just went thru this with my niece. She was pregnant with her third after already having two boys. She felt so bad for wanting a girl; almost as if she thought she was being ungrateful for the children she had. If she had girls, she would have wanted a boy. It's perfectly normal. Yes, God gives us what we need, but he will also give us our hearts' desires too!!

Guess what? She gave birth to a baby girl last Wednesday! She use a method that I really think works. I never used it intentionally, but when I look back, it seemed to be a pattern for me. Do a search for the Shettles Method. Here is one link. Basically, if you want a girl, you should have intercourse several days before you ovulate.

I wish you all the best. Just know that you are not being ungrateful - you're normal :)

Here is a link that might be useful: Shettles Method


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

My mom had 4 girls in 5 years and REALLY wanted a boy. When the 5th child was born, the doctor came in the room and said, "You have another one." She replied, "I know". He said, "I mean you have another girl". She was quite upset but had no choice but to get over it. After the 5th one, they gave up. No one can predict the gender of a child. If you keep going, you MAY end you with a girl, but, you could also have another boy.

To this day, I wished I really had a brother, as all of us girls are a PITA to be around all at once and a brother would have been a great referee.

Good luck with your decision.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I think there is something to that Shettles method, reflecting on when my children were conceived. I have 2 boys, a girl, then 1 more boy. I know she was conceived early in my cycle than the boys. At the time it was just b/c I wanted a 3rd child and was anxious to make that happen, so I jumped the gun on that "window of opportunity." ;o)

If I could wish a girl for you I would. I do understand the gratitude for what you have, but still a void for a girl. It's just nice to experience both sides of parenting. I don't know if I'd go so far as to use medical science to get my way. It must be expensive, too. But if a little scheduling really does help... it's worth a shot. As long as you are emotionally prepared if a girl is just not to be.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I am glad y'all brought up Shettles. 2 of my friends recommended his book to me and I am reading it as we speak. They both are part of the success stories (boy, boy, girl in one family; b/g/b/g in the other), and even though I am happy with my BOY family, my husband (and my mother-in-law) are still hoping for a girl.

If and when we try again (5 children!?!?), I'll let you know how it goes, but my friend swear by Shettles and the book is very interesting. I think he is in California...


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

If it's any consolation, my sister also had 3 boys. She then went on to have 4 girls in a row! So you never know! Best of luck in your decision. If nothing else, you can hope for girl grandbabies!


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

We are expecting number 3 in July and after 2 girls a boy would be nice but a girl is fine with us. There is a family where they just had their 6th girl. If I was the mom in that family I would tell the dad that 6 is enough ( Baby was 10 lbs 12 oz. and 22 inches long, born regular and all natural, no meds ) OUCH.

Stacie


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Here is a link that maybe useful. It is the Chinese Birth Calender.

Here is a link that might be useful: Chinese Birth Calender


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Thanks everyone for your replies. Thanks also for understanding. I have heard of the Shettles method. Maybe we will give it a try. Haven't decided yet. I really need to make sure it is a good thing for the whole family and not just me. Thanks again.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I totally understand your desire for a girl. We girls grew up enjoying girly things and wishing we had real dolls to dress up. My husband also had tears in his eyes when my baby boy came. They werent there when it was a girl(even though he adores her). It's just normal! We all seem to want a mini-me.

PS I worked in a fertility clinic- boy sperm swim faster , girls slower and stronger. Theory goes- if you want a girl ,the girl sperm should be waiting in the tubes. It would increase odds if you had a perfect cycle and could predict ,say, day 10-12 in a 28 day cycle. Regardless, we tried sex-preselection by this method in the lab (I won't go into details). Basically, it only worked about 70/30%. For some reason, those with large single sex families(like 5 boys or 6 girlsalready) it didn't seem to work. Of course, that is anecdotal and not research based.

I do have two words of comfort for you that you will be glad you may never have to go through......teenage daughters! Oh, the mouth on them.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

If you adopt from China as we did you are almost guaranteed a beautiful baby girl! We tried for kids for 15 years and now we cannot believe we did not do it sooner. If we knew then what we know now we would have gone straight to China in the beginning. Seems like half of the people who adopt from China have boys and want a little girl... The kids from China are very healthy and absolutely beautiful. The trip to China made it that much more special. If we had the $$ it would addicting.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Sometimes you just have to accept whatever life gives you. Everything is relative. So many people cannot have children at all or have very sick children. You can keep on trying or just accept that there are things in life you cannot control. I always wanted to have a lot of children, at least 3, but I only have one and it took me awhile to come to terms with that. It would be nice if everything in our lives happen the way we plan, but it is not what life is about. Enjoy your boys!


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

My boys were all "Clomid" babies. I had read that if you use clomid to conceive you would have a 70% chance of having a girl. When my last 2 were twin boys, I knew it was probably not ment to be. I love my boys but I had always dreamed of sewing those frilly pink dresses instead of mending piles of pant's knees and crotches.
Oh well, no Meg, Jo, Amy or Beth......


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I wanted a baby girl from our first pregnancy, I had myself and my husband both convinced our first was a girl, it was such a letdown to find out it was a boy (I felt sooo guilty for feeling that way too) my husband even cried in the doctors office when we found out, but I would not trade my Kody for anything. When we had our second I was afraid to hope and just told myself it was a boy, and he was:) I love my two guys, but I wish we could afford to have another baby, I would just love to try again. I tell myself all the time that I don't want a girl boys are better, but deep down I have to admit I would love to have a baby girl:( It just would not be fair to the two we already have to keep trying to have babies just because we want a girl. I can see a sweet girl with the red hair as well (hubby has beautiful new penny colored hair) both my boys have blonde and brown hair. Am I silly for wanting a redhaired little girl? I feel selfish for wanting that. We have a 3 bedroom, no more room at the inn I keep saying, but my heart feels differently. I have a 12 year old and a 6 year old, I am 32, I just need to quit while I am ahead and wait patiently for the grandbabies, but it is hard on me mentally. I hope you get your baby girl:) Oh I wish I could just have a houseful of babies, but moneywise it is just not possible:)


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

FYI that even if you have a girl, there's no guarantee you'll get to dress her in bows and frills. My DD has always hated dresses, tights, frilly things. I have to buy her new jeans all the time because I can't keep the knees patched in her well-worn, torn-up jeans. She enjoys getting dirty, playing hard, and all the tom-boy stuff.

I coached her the whole year leading up to her first communion to get her prepared for the white dress, tights, and little white shoes :-) She looked like Cinderella, even if it was only for one day.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I have one of those, too, trekaren. Her test for a good outfit is: can she do cartwheels in it? If she cannot hang upside down in it, she won't wear it. Picture day I got her to wear a dress to school, only on the condition that she could take a change of clothes to change right after the pictures. Someone told her recently that she was "very sweet." You'd have thought they told her she had three eyes, she took great offense! LOL. She out runs and out climbs the boys her age. She has a personal compaign against "girlie girls."

Honestly, I much prefer her this way. ;o) I didn't want a girl for the dress up stuff. But because I think the 21st century is a great time to grow up GIRL! Whoo Hoo! I'm so happy for her that she can be who she wants to be, now and when she grows up.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I totally understand your pain! I too have two boys who I ADORE and would not change for the world. My husband is happy with the two that we have and frankly so am I. I don't really want to go through another pregnancy and really I like the dynamic of my current family structure. 2 kids is very doable and calm(ish.) BUT there is a huge part of me that feels like it is dying because I may never have a daughter. I really want to make this feeling go away because I know that I am blessed to have two healthy boys who are smart, handsome as heck and loving. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wishing that I had a daughter...I don't think that it is fair to my boys..or myself.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I only had boys, but I accepted it and went with the flow. It was hard living in an all male house, but I managed. I had granddaughters but couldn't do much for them after they became teens. "Grandma, I sure like this sweat shirt", she should for $50. All I needed was for her to go home and tell her two brothers, see what grandma bought me. LOL


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I've always wanted a daughter, but I have five boys. Its hard not being able to pass down your feminine side to the next generation, but I will admit, boys are so much easier...


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I am fortunate, blessed with one of each. When my darling green eyed, curly haired blond girl baby came into this world I had visions of pretty dresses, hair bows, and Mary Janes. Alas, she made her style opinion known very quickly (before age 3) and there would be no dresses or hair ribbons and wanted her blond curls clipped short to avoid tangling! I had a tomboy! She wanted "girl clothes" but no skirts or dresses. That lasted until age 14. She has since relented and embraced her curls and occasional dresses.

She is also far from demure. She never pulls a punch. Ask her older brother.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

a word about gender selection in IVF and ART: while ART is a miracle to millions of childless couples the procedure of gender selection may be taking things a bit far. of course, this is just MHO, but keep in mind sperm work by the rule of "only the strong survive". if sperm are selected on the basis of gender only then perhaps the strongest of the bunch (ie: healthier, more developed cells) are being left out in favor of weaker, possibly underdeveloped cells that would not have made it without the expolsion of the males. NOT saying the male sperm are stronger or healthier, but that it might be omitting healthier cells which happen to be male. IVF/ART procedures carry their own inherent risks. adding another procedure increases these risks. the gender selection process involves sperm be placed in a drum and spun (for lack of a better word) at high speed. male and female sperm react differently to the process and are able to be physically separated.
i'm not a doctor. just someone who received an incredible education in trying to conceive our first child. after 3 years and over 100K we had our boy. and then (wouldn't you know it?) when he was six months old i became pregnant on my own (with the help of dh) with our daughter. i am grateful to our REs at NYU fertility clinic in nyc. i am completely respectful of the process however since my third IVF resulted in a pregnancy which never would have occurred without intervention as the cells contained an anomaly. i miscarried at six weeks. ok, so maybe this is more than you needed to know, but i firmly believe gender selection (while available) is maybe not such a good idea. also, most clinics do not offer selection in their programs. GL to you.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I to want a girl. I have 5 boys. We had 3 and tried again and got twin boys. I can't seem to let go of the idea of having a girl. Most women I talk to it isn't a big deal. But to me it is. I get real depressed at times because of it. My husband desided to let us try again but we are going to do the Ericsson Method with clomid. So I can only how that it will work this time.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Whether you have a boy or girl also depends on your husband. It appears that some men's sperm either mostly produces boys or girls,but not both.
My husband despretely wanted a boy when I was pregnant because he already had 3 girls.My sonagram never showed what I was having (legs crossed) so I assumed I having a boy.I should have know better!

Halfway through my pregnancy,I had this strange, sudden urge to buy a BARBIE doll.

Then I had this dream I was on the bus with a little girl who was holding my hand.

I had a girl of course.Although I thought I wanted a boy,I was sooo happy I had a girl! Even though my husband really wanted a boy,he cant imagine her not being here.He was just destined to have girls! We stopped trying for a boy because I didnt want to end up with 10 girls!


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I can relate. I have two boys and I want a girl so bad. I have an 11 year old boy and 2 years ago I lost a baby girl. She was stillborn. Now we have a 1 year old boy and although I am happy and thankful, I cannot help but long for a girl. I don't know if it's her that I want or just a female child. I feel a little lonely in a house full of boys, there is no one to share my interests in Disney and dolls and hair and girl things. I guess maybe God will grant me granddaughters.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I wish someone on here could explain this desire to me so that I might understand it better.

I have a Son and DIL who have 4 boys, two they had just trying to have a girl. The way I see it now is the last two son's they have are not the "right brand" and I just don't get it.

They last two boys (ages 1, and 2 months)now are handed off to caregivers, family or otherwise on a daily basis, I don't see any bond between mother and the last two sons. This worries me. Will these children not feel that?

All these children are putting a terrible stress on the entire family, too many children for all the grandparents to see to as son and DIL have come to expect. Even her mother and grandmother are resentful toward DS and DIL over this.

I just don't understand, what is wrong with the fine healthy son's they have? DIL's 4th pregnancy was filled with health issues, bp, heart, blood sugar, etc. We were all very concerned about DIL's health as well as the 4th son's health.

Yet, they are still planning on doing it again to try for a little girl. What happens when their luck with healthy childbirth and healthy children runs out? Who will care for all these boys? Do they not realize they are putting the future of the sons they have at risk all for a little girl the DIL wants so badly? And why? Is it to have a "friend" to shape and mold the way they want it for the DIL? I'm sorry if I sound cold here, but again, I just don't get it?

What will make another child so special to the mother,just because it's a female? Is she not thinking of anyone but herself? What about her sons? Aren't they special enough?

I see it as selfishness on steroids myself. Plus look at the posts above, if they did have a little girl there is no guarantee she will be all "frilly" anyway. Lord she may not even be healthy or even worse have a mother alive to raise her.

Am I wrong to think this mother is "sick"? How far will a woman like this go to have a girl? What will they risk? Is it worth it?

Anyone able to explain to me so that I can understand this deep need?


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

On this post, I totally agree with you, Staggerl.

Fortunately, my daughter refused her husband's desire to try for a boy after they'd had 2 girls. He does not get along well with his only son, who is from his first marriage, and he wanted to try with my daughter for something better. If he believes his son does not realize how his father feels about him, he is deeply and sadly mistaken.

Unfortunately, my daughter, I believe, feels the same way about the boy as she was dreading having a male child.

These children were doomed from the moment of birth. How sad.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Stagger, actually, I do think it's very unkind that you think your DIL is "sick" for wishing for a girl. If they cannot care for that many children, emotionally or financially, it's clear their priorities are not in the right place. But "sick" is an unkind judgement on your DIL and your son- afterall, it takes two.

I love all my children and never wished they were born anything but what they are. I have one daughter and my relationship with her is different than the boys. She likes to be with me over her dad, where as the boys would rather hang out with dad. If I didnt' have her I would be jealous of other mothers and daughters and I don't think that feeling would ever go away all my life. I would see the "guy" things DH and our sons share and feel left out. Of course I could still participate in their activities, as I do with my sons now. But only doing "boy" things would mean leaving out a part of myself. There would be a huge chunk of my identity- the female chunk- that I would not share with a child of mine.

I don't think it's "sick" to want to share that part of yourself with a child. I have an aunt who had 3 boys before she and her husband divorced. That aunt used to spoil me rotten! She always wanted to "borrow" me from my mother. LOL. I had other aunts who didn't have any children at all, but it was me, over the nephews, they took on special outings, things they always wanted to share with daughters. They wanted to teach me to sew, knit, bake, took me to theaters and vacations. Of course they could do all those things with boys, but it's not the same as a mother-daughter sharing of experiences and knowledge.

I have a great relationship with my mother, and I was very close to my grandmother growing up. The three of us were close together. I also wanted to carry that on, to have the next role in that kind of relationship. It's not just about frilly dresses and dance class. The relationship with my grandmother and mother is such a part of my identity that I wanted so much to continue that cycle. My DD is my mother's only granddaughter, she has 5 grandsons. (Mom has a step granddaughter, but she is older and spends more time with her bio grandmother.)

I think my mother had mixed feelings about me having the 3rd and 4th children. We can care for them, we don't ask for help with money or babysitting (we live too far away for that, anyway). We do all the work, never pawn them off any grandparents. But I know she was worried about how stressful raising kids can be and didn't wish that stress on me. On the other hand, she cannot tell me she didn't want a granddaughter! When I was pregnant for the first time, she bought a little dress the day I told her! ("But it's green, not pink," she told me. LOL) It was 6 years before a baby of mine wore that dress, but you bet she wore it home from the hospital!

I think there are two issues with you DS and DIL. One, that they want a daughter- a perfectly understandable wish. I hope I have said something that makes sense about that one.

The other that they detatch from their younger sons, which I cannot condone or explain. I admittedly wished for a girl when prego w/#2, but that thought was out of head the moment I found out he would be a boy. From that second on I was just thinking of "my son" and how welcome he would be in our family.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

What worries me is that they detach from the sons as soon as they find out it's a boy. Months before it gets here they are already talking "trying again".

As for giving me a "granddaughter", I don't care what the gender the grandchildren are. The problem now has gotten to the point I don't want to have them here for holiday's etc because there are just too many of them, I know that sound terrible, but my son, contrary to what he would like to believe, is not my only child.

I'm dreading Thanksgiving already. My house is small and just wasn't made for so many children, grandchildren, and all the chaos that goes with it.

I just don't understand what makes young couples/parents think that raising one gender is better, different, more rewarding, than another. What makes one gender more "special" than the other.

And if that is what is in the minds of the parents then it's going to come out and reflect on the children you already have. If one thinks the children already here won't feel this we are all sadly mistaken. Heck, they have overheard all the conversations on how much the parent or parents what another gender. Don't you think the children are already wondering what is wrong with them?

I see a very disrupted family in the future and lot of serious counseling down the road.

What adds the icing on the cake to this whole situation, is neither parent produce income to their full ability and are carrying well over $120k in credit card debit. This in no way includes home mortgages and auto loans.

They simply can not afford to have more children, girl, boy or otherwise.

I know I may really sound harsh, and I really don't mean it to come across that way at all, just trying to be honest and practical. I truly am trying to understand and be more accepting to all of this.

DIL is preg again! Trying for a "Girl". They have already said that if they find it's a boy they will try again! So when will it finally stop? When mother's body finally gives out, she passes and leaves a "herd" of boys for DS and extended family to raise?

As njtea mentioned in response to my post, these boys are doomed long before they get here and it's sad, just terribly terribly sad.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I understand. I, too, wanted a girl very badly. Our first was a boy, and I was so afraid I would be depressed if the second one was, too. But she is a girl.

One of each is nice, but all-of-a-kind families are so cute, too. And I can pass on to you some wisdom my mom (who also had one of each) told me: sons inflate a mother's ego; daughters deflate it. It's absolutely true, and not because they are TRYING to. But you buy an outfit that you think looks smashing on you, and then your teenaged daughter tries it on -- well, after that you just feel dumpy in it! Whereas boys always seem to think that Mom is the epitome of female beauty and character. Moms of all boys are like queens in their homes! Boys want to find a girl like Mom; girls hate it more than anything when people tell them they look just like Mom. Girls seem to know how to press Mom's buttons so well, too.

But I think the mother-daughter stress is the down side of the mother-daughter intimacy, and that's worth it. When my daughter uses me as an emotional punching bag, and then curls up on Darling Daddy's lap, it can get annoying. But I know that in an odd (and unpleasant!) way it's a compliment to the intimacy of our relationship and how safe and unconditionally loved she feels.

I am going on and on like this because THIS was the reason I wanted a daughter so badly. I have a wonderful relationship with my own mother, and I wanted to continue that.

I worry very much about wanting to have a daughter just to dress her up in pink frills and play with pretty curls. I think girls (and women) are terribly handicapped by the enormous emphasis on women's appearance in our society. No matter how important something a woman does is, when the newspaper reports it, they will also tell you what she looks like, and if she is fat (even a little) or short or old or doesn't wear decent clothes or makeup, she will be ridiculed. They don't do that with men. So when we focus so much on our daughters' appearance, or let others do it, we let them know that what is REALLY what is important about them and what we REALLY value them for is the way they LOOK.

Our daughter happened to be a very pretty baby and toddler (unusual for our family!), and yes, it was fun. But I was also very concerned that she grew up hearing "[Son] is so smart! [Daughter] is so pretty!" all the time. So when she told me she was tired of tangles in her hair, and could we please get her a short haircut, I didn't wait for her to ask again. She got a nice little pixie cut and looked quite a bit more androgynous. I didn't let myself shed a tear for those big, beautiful curls. She was still plenty cute, but now people noticed OTHER things about her, and that meant that she was being encouraged in her abilities and interests, not just her people-pleasing appearance.

If you treat a daughter as a doll, that is what she will think she is.

So I hope you get your daughter, and I hope you have fun with her. Enjoy the frills and dolls -- just keep it in some balance and remember that someday your little doll will be a grownup who will be crippled if she doesn't feel like she has a lot more going for her than her looks and charm.

And after all -- just as looks are not the most important thing about a woman, sex is not the most important thing about a child.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Just because I would love to have a baby girl does not mean I don't love my boys nor does it mean that I will put my life in danger by trying again. I love my boys more than life itself and they are my everything. I never hand them off to caregivers or sitters and my husband and I are with them all the time; they are our world.

I guess some people get obsessed to the point of not noticing the gifts they have in their boys. That desire to have a girl is just something you feel but it never gets in the way of loving the babies you have. For me it is the fact that I lost a baby girl and I do believe it is HER I want. No child will ever take her place so even if I have 10 baby girls that void is going to be there. I will always be one child short.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I have two friends who have 4 boys each. Each couple said they would have two children, but the wife insisted on trying again (and again) after having two boys. Both men eventually got vasectomies. It was the only way to step the madness.

I understand the desire for a daughter. It runs in my family. My maternal grandmother wanted a daughter and was thrilled when my mother was born. My paternal grandmother loved her 5 sons but her entire life she mourned for the daughter she never had (she talked about it even when she was over 90). My own mother stopped having children when she had two daughters because she didn't want to risk having a boy (she had two horrid brothers). My sister has two girls and is thrilled. I am the sad story. My entire adult life I've dreamed of having a daughter, who I would name after my mother. After years of infertility we are close to giving up. A close friend of mine recently had a son. She was not happy about it, called me after the untrasound totally bummed out. As much as I would prefer a daughter, I realize now I really want a CHILD.

Also, it is really insulting when people say things like, "God must have meant for you to (have only sons, etc.)". What about people that can't have children? Does anyone actually believe God gets personally involved in that? Like I've had a voodoo hex put on me? Think before you speak.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I have 5 boys ,thank G-d!I luv them all very much!I had a miss that was a girl ended @13 weeks.we all want things,but count ur blessings!each one of them are diamonds!I would luv to have a girl,but I know g-d gives us what's good for us,he knows what's good for each individual.look at each one of ur children while they're sleeping,stop and kiss them,and know they're gifts,say thank G-d they're healthy n beautiful.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I have a 13 yr old girl who has turned from a sweet little honor student to freaking Linda Blair from the Exorcist in the last year. I'd trade her in for another son in a heartbeat, this is insane.

Sure they are real cute when they are 3 and you can dress them up in pink dresses and stuff.....but my god girls become insane when the teen years hit....ugh.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

Women and babies.....is it any wonder there so many nutzoid husbands out there?


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I know how u feel. I had my first son and 16 months later had my second son. I was okay with both boys. 6 years later I had my third son and honestly I had been hoping for a girl. I love my third son the same as the first 2. He's amazing and funny and sweet and outgoing. My fourth son was born 14 months later and I was disappointed. I still love him and I bond with him. I'm not a bad mom just because I wanted a girl. I still want a girl but I'm not sure I want another kid. But u know what its twisted that when a man wants a son so he can pass on all the manly boyish things but when a women wants a daughter to pass on those same kind of thngs people think that makes u a bad mom. How is that fair? I want a daughter I want a daughter so much I dream about her. I'm jealous of women at the park who have 3 or4 girls. All I can think is why didn't I get a daughter. I wouldn't give up any of my boys for a girl. I love them for them not their gender.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

This so funny. No matter YOU do to Your body it will not affect the gender. The mother has the egg, the father does the male, female thing. I was offered another solution for having a girl. When I was very young, I live the the duplex with my sis and her family living in the other end. She had 4 girls I had my first boy. I was hoping the next would be a girl. My brother in law said if you want a girl just knock on the wall I will be right over. LOL I did not take him up on his offer.


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I can understand what you mean....I found this site due to having grown sons who have very little interest in having a mother at their age... I have never been clingy, dependent or whiny with them...but I am afraid this can be a norm....I believe that the old saying is true about losing sons when they marry...their wife will either like you or not...most likely not...and then you are empty...but you must know this already...

Your best efforts are pointless in trying to get a son to have any concern for your well being as you age...if their wife wants him to,,he might...

I would not chance another son at this point...it will put you in an emotional meat grinder....your sons who you need to nurture needs you....it is not their fault that genders do this to people...do your best and you may have an exception to the rule....

But please do this....seek something for yourself...a job or volunteer work...do not give all of you to your spouse and children...not the part of you that will need to move on when they grow up...that is the tricky part of motherhood..

To date...no ability to choose gender exists for pepple of normal means...perhaps for the rich? Not sure....but buy a female puppy...and just raise your sons...they may one day give you a grandaughter


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RE: Wanting a baby girl so bad it hurts--advice?

I can understand what you mean....I found this site due to having grown sons who have very little interest in having a mother at their age... I have never been clingy, dependent or whiny with them...but I am afraid this can be a norm....I believe that the old saying is true about losing sons when they marry...their wife will either like you or not...most likely not...and then you are empty...but you must know this already...

Your best efforts are pointless in trying to get a son to have any concern for your well being as you age...if their wife wants him to,,he might...

I would not chance another son at this point...it will put you in an emotional meat grinder....your sons who you need to nurture needs you....it is not their fault that genders do this to people...do your best and you may have an exception to the rule....

But please do this....seek something for yourself...a job or volunteer work...do not give all of you to your spouse and children...not the part of you that will need to move on when they grow up...that is the tricky part of motherhood..

To date...no ability to choose gender exists for pepple of normal means...perhaps for the rich? Not sure....but buy a female puppy...and just raise your sons...they may one day give you a grandaughter


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