18 year old daughter loses her mind
Burnedout
11 years ago
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Comments (7)
Burnedout
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoLuAnn_in_PA
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
my 3 yr old daughter will not mind
Comments (8)Threats NEVER work with kids, ACTIONS work. Children of 3 are pretty stubborn, but #1 they are NOT smarter than the parent, and #2 they are not in charge, YOU are (You are the parent after all. You tell the child to do something once (ONE command, not ..pick up your room, make your bed and get dressed, they won't "hear" all of that), and it has to be "fairly" simple, and the expectations on your part have to be fairly simple. Get dressed. When you're dressed we will have breakfast. Now follow through. Temper tantrum. So what, go on with your life, but NO BREAKFAST until she's dressed. Do NOT hit your sister or you WILL sit on the naughty spot for 3 minutes. You hit your sister, you will now sit in the naughty spot for 3 minutes (and you keep putting her on it and re-starting the timer until she is on for 3 minutes), Yes the first 3-5 times will he hell, but it will get better when she realizes YOU are in charge, not her. Vickey-MN...See Morestep dad and 8 year old daughter
Comments (22)Thank you both for your responses. Amber i do tell my daughter under no cercumstance is she allowed to disrespect him. She has had her privileges taken way on a monthly base. Usually he is the one who picks the punishment and for how long. Sometimes im not exactly sure what all he takes away. The last time he punished er he took everything away from her. She doesnt have tv computer, netflix, going to movies for over six months. I unfortunately did not heard the punishment, because the day he gave the punishment i was recovering from a bronchoscopy. I thought I had heard him say she can not play on anything he bought, but unfortunately i was wrong. She is banned from everything. She can only play with her toys and read books. My husband has always had my oermission to disciplinw our daughter. I've tried very hard not to step on his toe when it came to punishing her. Even though six months of no electrinics is a pretty tough punishment for an eight year old, i've still stood behind him. She had a project last month and my husband refused to help her because of how she treats him. He feels that she wont fail becausebof her age and will give her a grade for effort. I however feel completly different. School work is not something i am going to say no to. No my husband does not have children of his own. Our daughter is his first shot at being a parent. He goes by how he acted as a child and expects the same way, he was a good obedient kid. Myself, on the other hand, gave my parents a challenge. I didn't do bad things against the law but i gave quite a few gray hairs to my mom. I know he cares about her but even i have doubts. I understand how mean she can be, trust me she hurts me the worst when she gets in one of her moods. However no matter how much she mistreats me,im still her mother. I should always be there for her. He is a dad now and he should also be beside me helping her through this. We have tried sitting down with her and explained the things we would be able to do as a family if only she listened to what we asjed her to do. She seems to behave for a few days and goes back to the same way as before. Unfortunately she is half the time with us and half the time with her bio dad so she gets a break from her punishmebt. When she comes back we have to start all over again. I've tried to explain to my husband she is just a child, usually when ahe is not around, but he doesn't follow. To him he just see an evil kid who will not change. He has even said out loud that if she doesnt change that she will one day be flipping burgers at a fast food joint. Anytime i sit with him and talk about her it's always negative. He doesnt even believe her teacher when we were told how smart she is and how polite and respectful she is. I was evwn stopped by the before and after school care staff last week, on how polite and respectful and willingness to help she was....See Moremy bf has a 13 year old daughter who is really upsetting me
Comments (21)Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to....See MoreHusband & 14 year old daughter
Comments (6)Pashan, It sounds to me like your daughter needs an attitude adjustment. You say My daughter is a stereotypical 14 year old - attitude, drama, phone stuck in her ear, spends hours on her hair, thinks her friends are the only important people in the world, mostly concerned with what songs are on her iPod and what movie she can go to next! She fights with her 3 younger siblings (ages 9, 6 and 5) and gets mouthy with her parents. She is bossy and a know-it-all. It sounds to me like you are accepting of this behavior because you view it as normal. I think it's really weird...I'm 24...when I was 14 my parents let me know that I was the child in the relationship and they let me know that everything I had was a privilidge, not a right. We (my brothers and I) were taught, from the start to treat our elders with respect (and everyone else around us for that matter), and to this day that still holds true. I think the problem nowdays (a whole whopping 10 years later) is that a lot of people just accept that their teen/pre-teen is going to be an ignorant lippy little brat...and that's OK because everyone else's kid is too...and at least mine isn't as bad as... When I was in grade 11 there was the Columbine school shooting, and everyone who heard about it was floored, dumbfounded, completely shocked that something like this could happen in America...kids, with guns, killing people. In the past few months in Alberta we have had a 14 year old and her 20 year old boyfriend murder her entire family (mother, father, and 9 y/o brother), a group of mostly young teens beat a man to death, and another group of young teens attack and kill a man on an LRT. These kids are CHILDREN...and they are killing people. Why?? Probably because they have been raised to believe that they have 'RIGHTS' (sorry, but the only right any child has is to be clothed, fed, sheltered and loved...to have their *basic* *needs* met...everything else is a priviledge). They have very few (if any) responsibilities, they have NO resepect for anyone but themselves, and they have never been taught that their actions have consequences. Now, I'm not trying to say, in any way, that your daughter is like these kids, but what I am saying is that it doesn't sound like she's picking up on some of the life lessons she will need to function as an adult, and as a result, your husband, in particular, is having a hard time dealing with her. It sounds like she lacks respect...for everyone. I agree with brass tacks, you need to let your hubby deal with the attitude she directs at him, but I think you should sit down with him, alone, and discuss the need for him to deal with her attitude as it happens, and let him know you will back whatever punishment he gives her. (ie: if he grounds her for a week, help him stick to that decision, and make sure she doesn't come to you for a different answer, and if he tries to lift the gounding early, remind him and her that "No, you're grounded for (three more days) because of (your bad attitude), so you can't (go to the movies tonight with your friends.)") Once you've had a chat with Hubby, to decide what's acceptable behavior & what's not, as well as what suitable punishments are for the specific problems, sit down together with daughter and let her know that both you and Hubby agree that there are some (attitudes) that need to change. Clearly define your expectations of her, and let her know that she will be held accountable for her actions. As brass tacks said - make her responsible for her happyness. It's called 'tough love'. It may not be easy for you, and she may not enjoy it, but you are supposed to be her parent not her 'friend' (that comes later after you've done your part to raise her to be a responsible, kind young woman). Kids need guidence, instruction, limitations, accountability and lots of love. (They don't need ipods, phones, movies, etc.) It sounds to be like you have a gem of a hubby. He has taken your daughter, and made her his own, in every way possible. He has loved her like his own (and still does). Just because he said (and likely meant) "I can't stand her", doesn't mean that he doesn't still love her...I don't think I've met a parent with a teen, who hasn't mentally, at one time or another, been like Homer and and thought "Why you little...!" (choke the little ungrateful ...) not that they ever would harm their kid, and they always love them...but sometimes they just "can't stand" them. It sounds to me like your hubby is being pushed so much that he's losing his patience with her. Their relationship may need a bit of mending, but I think you should deal with daughters attitude first. If you get that under control, their relationship will rebuild naturally, and they'll start doing things together again. It's all a matter of respect. Verena (Who vividly remembers pushing my parents to the edge...they set the limits, and I had to deal with the consequences of my actions, but it has made me a better person, and now we get along great...true friends with respect for each other.)...See MoreBurnedout
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agodreamgarden
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agodaisyinga
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoazzalea
11 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
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