Mom is in denial it is her. Like all addicts with mental problems she believes its the world ganging up on her. It is a terrible situation that is going to cost us alot financialy and emotionaly. I think the reason for me breaking down tonight is Im spread more thin than normal with all of this that is going on. Dad wont let the girls leave with her unattended but it is going to be awhile untill we can get money for the lawyer (5 grand for holding) and untill then we are going to have the battle royale with her every weekend when she tries to pick them up. Good times indeed. There are mental issues (attempted suicide), drugs, and a current domestic incident with her boyfriend. The girls were there and one of them got hit with a strand off a bead curtain when the BF snatched it down....all reasons this decision has been made. We are both so stressed. We feel bad that mom has issues and I hate keeping her from her kids but the situation has become way too volatile. The girls are going to be very upset as well. They dont understand that mommy is "sick". Its just a real hard situation. Thats why dad HAS GOT to go to work and we havent been seeing him. He is physicaly and emotionaly pooped and so am I. Miraculously we havent been short with each other. I guess that says alot for our relationship that even under extreme stress we manage to remain tight. Thats one positive way to look at it I suppose:)

any chance there are any witnesses? neighbors? camera's on nearby businesses? Without 'proof', not much can be done unless he (or someoen else) confronts her and she admits it. Oh, and whoever confronts her should not say "did you slash the tires?" but should ask "what were you thinking when you slashed the tires?" or "Why would you slash the GF's tires, she has nothing to do with this?" Those questions will likely produce her justification or excuse if she really did it, which is somewhat of a confession. An innocent person would be shocked and completely deny doing it. and don't get too confrontational, saying "I know you did it!" will result in defensiveness. Or is there anyone that is uninvolved in their custody battle that is at all friendly with her? Maybe that person could talk to her and get her to confide/confess. When a person does something like that out of anger, unless they get the anger out of their system, they will continue to vent and if they find someone they think will be a good sounding board, they'll talk about it. Her frustration and anger are understandable, but she also put herself (and her kids) in that position with her actions and even though she might have the right to be angry, she should be angry at herself and it's never okay to destroy someone else's property. Was he given a restraining order? Maybe he can prove she violated it, even if he can't prove she slashed the tires.

hyles - I know exactly how you feel. My situation is a little different. Almost a year ago, we had a meeting with my SS17, DH, BioMom and her husband because son had stayed out all night, two nights in a row. He stated at our meeting that he didn't like me, didn't like my stupid rules, didn't want to live here because of me, and wanted dad to choose. At that point, he had racked up a DUI at age 16, and was extremely argumentitive and rebellious. We let him go live with his mom, that's what he said he wanted. Well, the very next day, he called to see if he could spend the night at our house, because it wasn't going to be convenient for BioMom to take him to school. I had no problem with that. What I did have a problem with was son showing up after school, with friends no less, to hang out at our house. We have a swimming pool, big screen television and fully stocked fridge. DH works out of town during the week, so he wasn't home, and our other kids weren't home from school yet. So they only person home was me, the one he dislikes so much. I told him, and DH, that when DH was home, son would be welcome to be here, but when DH was out of town, son could not just drop by as he pleased. Son thought I was being mean and unfair, but I told him the consequence of telling someone you don't like them is that you're not going to be welcome in their home. After a long and tragic story, SS is back living with us. So it has kind of worked out in the end.

I agree that both her BF and BM have issues. However, I really don't see their issues being bad enough to justify purusing it in the court. If it does get worse over the next few months or years, then that will be something I consider pursuing in court. I would need her to tell me that is what she wants versus me bringing up that option and confusing her more. My ex knows that I'm talking to his daughter now via her cell phone and has not said anything about it. I think he is at least trying to do right by her. Although she tells me he goes to the bar almost everynight, I just indicate if someone is there with her, then it is fine. Once things with us is more in the past, then I hope he will let me visit with her regularly and we'll be able to speak civilly to each other. She already indicated she would like to stay a few days at my house over the winter break. In the summertime, maybe I can get her for a week or two as suggested and then I'll be able to take some time off and we go on a trip together. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on myself and having positive conversations with her about the good things going on in both of our lives instead of all the drama. During my relationship, I unfortunately lost sight of myself and now I have the time to refocus and find myself. I intend to quit smoking, start exercising, and eating right. These are my biggest flaws. Removing them will help ensure I'm the best I can be for myself and allow be to be the best role model possible for her.