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If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Posted by jbkidd (My Page) on
Thu, Apr 5, 07 at 7:27

have children. After reading some of the difficult and sad situations that parents have to deal with concerning their children I am just wondering if you could do it all over again, would you have children. Is the pain worth it????


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Most definitely!

The kids are our greatest joy and our proudest achievement.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Yes - the hardest thing we ever did (am still doing!) but definitely the most rewarding.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

My oldest turns seven this month so I don't have the same perspective as others with older kids. Yes, I would most definitely do it again. The kids have most certainly added to my life.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Definatly...even after dealing with drugs, terrible teens, dropping out of college, unplanned pregnancy (result is a BEAUTIFUL Granddaughter). Would love to pass over those terrible teen years, but then, that's what made THEM appreciate US parents even more

Vickey-MN


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

In a heartbeat. No regrets. Three kids (and an XH), now 26, 28 and 30. I do it all over again.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Yes, I think the pain is worth it. Because with the pain, comes personal gain, and you understand and appreciate your own parents as well.

Popi


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Yes, Popi, that is one thing I agree with, when you have children you can appreciate all the sacrifices that your parents went through for you.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Yep, Mine are 14 and 16 and if I could have had a third child, I would feel even more blessed! No other experience will enrich your life like being a parent.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

In a minute. It's cliche, but it truly is the hardest job in the world. If one's really lucky, and a little smart, we get to watch a competent, caring adult come into the world. I'm not quite there yet, but am starting to see the adults these two young people will become. I am amazed now and cherish the amazing moments they've given me without even trying. I've always said I'm raising my children (DD-16 and DS-13) to leave me. I hope they do well.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Absolutely. My kids are adults and I wish I could have had more. I can't wait for grandkids.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

The reason I originally asked this question was I have been reading some very painful stories on this forum dealing with very stressful problems that parents have with their children. Some are just heartbreaking.

I too am fortunate, I have two wonderful daughters that have grown into productive adults, have never caused me any problems that I couldn't deal with. I am so lucky to have them.

But when I read some of these stories from parents who have children that are into drugs, crimes, children who won't talk to their parents, children who are just down right nasty to their parents, it just made me wonder the question, "would they go through it again". It pains me to read some of these situations that these parents are in, it must be very difficult for them.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

I agree with you Jbkidd, when you say there are some parents who are doing it tough on this forum, sometimes it is nice to know that the parenting is going well for people.

I took my two out to lunch today, DS14 and DD19, and I was so proud sitting there watching them chatting to each other, I know that they will always look after each other when I am not around. Thats brilliant too. They have always been good to each other, I think the age difference has helped.

I can do some more gloating but I don't want to bore everyone !


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Yes,I sometimes wonder what had meaning in my life before my daughter came into my life. It all seems so pointless now. And I dont even like kids much...but she is absolute light of my universe. She is more then I could have ever asked for.
Of course we all have days when we are like,"UGH!" But all I have to do,is take one look at that precious angel face when she's asleep and I feel like I'm seeing her for the first time again all over. (sorry,hate to sound so sappy) Without her my life would feel empty and in no way complete. I thank God every day for giving her to me.
One is enough for me though.I love her so much I never felt the need to have another.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Jbkidd, I'm one of those parents who is estranged from her married daughter, but I would not have missed her for the world.

My regret is that I never said anything to her prior to her wedding about her choice of a husband, although I don't think it would have done any good at the time.

I just have to hope that one day she will be able to say "enough" and extricate herself and her children from an abusive situation.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

My children are the center of our universe. They were a lot of work, and we still worry some (I guess we always do worry). They have grown into wonderful adults. One has married a wonderful young man and just presented us with our first grandchild. I like my kids. They are bright, kind, hardworking, thoughtful people. But there were days when I did wonder!!!! You do your best and hope they will too.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

I am with coolmama, I don't care for children as well, OTHER peoples children. I love my guys, would most definitly do it all over again, my boys have not been the easiest on me, lots of problems along the way and I am sure there is more to come (they are 11 and 5) my 2 for the most part do not get along well:( but when they do, it is the greatest thing. I know as my youngest matures that will help a bunch, most of there not getting along is because the younger one loves the older one and wants to do everything and have everything just like my 11 year old, so there is alot of going into the older ones room and snatching something my older boy prizes, or trying to follow him and his friends around and making annoying noises so he is noticed, hasn't hit him yet the attention he ends up getting is not actually the desired attention he was wanting in the first place, lol!


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

God yes! Both our daughters(14 and 16) are great people and fun to be with. We would have missed so much if we did not have children. I can't say enough good things about them. They gave us very little trouble growing up. Not that they are grown yet. We have always raised them with the practice of, we are their Parents first...then their friend. It has served us well. NancyLouise


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Big time yes. I have been a stay at home Dad for the last 14 years due to an injury. I raised 2 of my 3 children. Mine are 27, (Boy--man) 18, (girl - -young woman) and a 14 year old (boy almost 15- - young man) I home schooled the 18 and the 14 year old for 3 years. Cub scouts with the 15-year-old for 5 years. And Sports, cars etc with the 27 year old. It is and has been a lot of work; yes they have made mistakes, and YES I have made more than one mistake but I would do it all over in a flash. My oldest is married and is a Sheriff and working for the county Sheriffs Department. My daughter is on her way to collage, and my youngest boy is on his way to high school it has been a hard but wonderful ride


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

I am one of those parents in the heartbreaking scenario called estrangement. I have 3 wonderful sons, but my 4th child, a daughter, I can honestly say, I do not know if knowing how things would go, if I would have the heart and pain threshold to do it all over again. How terribly sad that sounds..........it seems in my case, the pain and rejection has surpassed the joy. I do believe that I have learned alot about life through my trials of mothering her. I just do not wish those life lessons on another mother, ever. I still grieve over what should have been, concerning my daughter......but I do know that I was a good Mom and am so very thankful for my sons. Having them be happy, well adjusted adults helps to negate all the hurtful accusations from my daughter. I wish to all a Happy Mother's Day.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

Nope-As of tonight I would not. The age difference didn't work out for us. Daughter 16, son 11. They are horrible to eachother. Disrespectful to me. I don't know why they treat eachother so badly. We are married 21 years this year. We are not disrespectful to eachother, we are responsible citizens, decent house good jobs. What did we do wrong? I have washed my hands of them. I told my husband I feel alone in the diciplining of them. He doesn't help out enough he can take care of it from now on. I say nothing!!!!.....(and so will he!)


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

I've had some helpful advise on this forum quite a long time ago and just checked in for the first time in a long time.
My opinion on this topic - is Yes and No. My two youngest daughters - 29 and 30 cut off any communication from me and their oldest sister two and a half years ago. They will not communicate with us, so I guess I just am supposed to give up on them. I've been to a psychologist for over a year. He told me that I need to tell myself that I did the best I knew how when raising them. The pain and heartache they have caused me is awful. I wish I could have their memory excised from my mind.
My oldest daughter and son are very kind, empathetic people and have been a wonderful support to me through this. So, yes I would never wish that I didn't have them.
After investing 25 years into the others and doing what I could to make them happy, I do wish that I had never had two more children with my second husband. He and his family have caused me so much grief, it would take a book to relate all of it. The family is instrumental is turning these girls against me too. I fight the bitterness of this situaiton everyday. Of course, they will always be part of me and I will always love them, but who could ever imagine that our own children could turn on us and not even want to explain why.
I have the greatest empathy for anyone else that has been through a similar situation.


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

I am experiencing a long estrangement from my 41 year old daughter. But my answer to your question is still yes. I loved being her mom, loved bringing her up, loved experiencing her growing up, loved her. Sometimes now it is hard to love her because in the last communications from her she was verbally abusive to me in a way that I never would have predicted in a thousand years. It is hard for me to understand her behavior. But I still would have wanted to have had her. I always wanted more children but I didn't marry men who shared my wish and didn't want to go ahead and have more children anyway. My regret is that I wasn't smart enough when I was in my twenties to divorce her father and find someone who wanted children too.

Here is a link that might be useful: Estrangements: The Website


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RE: If you had it to do all over again, would you.......

I would like to say yes but right now I would say no, I wouldn't do it again. I never wanted kids & I never should have had them. I could also write a book, but to make it short, my 4 kids were my life because I didn't have anything else in my life, ( my now x never gave me the time of day unless he wanted somthing) so I gave them all of me. I still love them & will always love them but if I didn't have them then I wouldn't have the heartache of not being able to talk to them & see my grandkids. They never got in trouble with the law, theyr'e all hard workers, & they didn't do drugs, so I feel I did a good job raising them. I just wish I had the respect & understanding I tryed to show to them, even though they don't think I have, that's the problem.


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