I just don't understand why some children act towards their parents the way they do. Unless of course their is some type of abuse. But from what I read here, I just don't understand their reasons. Parents and children who don't speak for years is just more than I could ever cope with.

When we give birth to our children we have such high hopes for them, we foresee a nice little family unit with everyone getting along. So what happens to this dream.

I have two daughters ages 24 and 26 and fortunately I have never had any problems that I have read here, I just give thanks every day that I don't have to go through all this pain, I really don't think I could handle.

How do some of you parents that have these problems get through the day. If you could turn the clock back and see what life had instore for you would you have had these children.

I have a sister that can be such a pain - self-centered, drama-queen, constantly having fits about things, not happy unless she is unhappy. I often wondered how and why she is so different than the other three siblings. For years I blamed my parents for spoiling her. So, I think it is 50% parenting and 50% them being who they want to be.

and b. As they go through life, people are influenced by others besides their families. And if they are weak-willed individuals they won't stand up for themselves and they turn into completely different people. You will find this to be true in abuse situations.

It is really terrible.

As for my friend back then and her estrangement from her son, I listened to her and sympathized and wondered why he was acting that way. I felt a little bit smug that the relationship with my daughter was so excellent and that an estrangement would never happen to us.

Then within two years, the unthinkable began. At that time my daughter was not diagnosed with any disorder. I had had no inkling that she had any disorder. What occurred was a major shock that I didn't see coming. If I had to relive it, I still don't think that I would have seen it coming. We used to spend hours on the phone talking. Later she criticized me for those same phone conversations. At the time we had the conversations, I had no clue of anything that she didn't like or anything else that she wanted to talk about. In fact I don't think there was anything else she wanted to talk about. I think she just decided not to like me any more. Chances are that the bipolar disorder was already there and maybe other things as well.

sc gardener, I agree that many people with various mental health problems can be fully functioning individuals. I know people like this in my business. On a bad day it is obvious that they have a problem. On other days you can't tell that there is anything wrong.

I agree too about the influence of other people. The influence can be in all sorts of ways. Someone doesn't have to control another. Sometimes spouses and significant others would rather keep the peace in any way possible than get into a fight over someone's bad behavior or strange thinking. So sometimes it isn't the daughter or son being weak and not standing up to a controlling person. Sometimes it is that the other person doesn't have the gumption to tell the person with a problem to get themselves to a therapist because they are not okay. They let the situation go on and on and on as they humor them.

Ginny

My SO's older DD has very poor relationship with her mother and it seems like she might be going towards estrangement from mom.

First of all adult daughter (26) gave her mother H*ll for moving in with her boyfriend without asking her daughter a permission. ha Mom is her 50s and is divorced and can do what she wants to in her own house. DD lives two hour flight, out of state!

Then DD didn't like mom's BF, oh well, tough luck.

then she always asks for money (she has a very well paid job, she is paid the same as her mother) so mother says "no". DD asks money and expensive gifts all the time and her mother needs to save for retirement.

Then her DD threw a fit that mom got her cheap gifts for Christams, well mom has poor taste and didn't know what to buy.

Then DD said she is getting engaged. Nobody knows the guy. Mom said please let us get to know him first, bring him home, do not get engaged to someone we have never met. DD threw a fit.

So now mom actually distanced herself from her daughter and limited contact, doesn't call as much etc. DD complains about it, but I told my SO that with the way DD treats her mother no wonder mother distanced herself. DD makes her life unberable with constant demands and drama. Mom has rights to ahve her life when kids are grown.

Needless to say older DD has great relationship with her father because he never says "no", gives all the money she wants and allows DD to run his life. So of course he will never be estranged because he satisfies her every need! But I feel for the mother, how much can she take?

So are those parents who refused to be doormats are the ones who end up estranged?