My daughter has moved out of the house and wants
karola
17 years ago
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coolmama
17 years agobnicebkind
17 years agoRelated Discussions
Just found out my husband has a daughter
Comments (12)Surferchiky, I agree with ulrike, I think your mixed feelings about the situation are justified. It does sound like your DH did his legal duty if not truly fatherly duty by paying child support for a child he did not know and now is open to starting a relationship with that child. It's pretty harsh judgement to come down on your DH without knowing all of the facts about the estrangement from the mother, their relationship if any and so on. Don't worry too much about any child you have with your DH playing second fiddle to his first daughter. They don't really even have a relationship yet and are strangers to each other. It would be pretty unusual if they quickly developed such a close father/daughter relationship that your child together would be relegated to some lower position in DH's life. That being said, this girl IS his daughter and DID come first. You did know about her years ago and although you may not have expected her to enter DH's life beyond child support she has and both of them have the right to know each other. Relax your anxiety about it, she may like you both and you may like her. A deep relationship between them will take a lot of time, in fact, if you have a child that might facilitate closeness all around. who knows? I applaud your DH for doing the right thing. I can understand the other posters thinking he should have played an active father role all along but once again, we don't have all of the facts and it's pretty common for many women and their families to not even want fathers involved especially if there was not a real relationship in the first place. Easy for me to say but just be fair to the girl, flexible with DH because this must be major for him and be easy with yourself. You don't have to be a mean SM like yours was, be yourself and don't forget how it was for you. there is no suggestion of her living with you is there?...See Moremy bf has a 13 year old daughter who is really upsetting me
Comments (21)Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to....See More17 year old step daughter moved out
Comments (28)The thing is when it comes to physical violence the decision would have been the same whether it were his children or mine. The decision wasn't made for SD to move out because she was my SD...It was made because she was mentally and physically abusive to the other children in the house. If it were my biological children beating on my SD the decision would have been made to have them removed from our home..sending them to their dad's. The blaming me only comes because it wasn't my biological children that were told to leave. I have tried to explain this to SD's grandmother but she says she never wants to see or speak to me again...which is when my husband had seen and heard enough and told his mom that she didn't need to see or speak to him either. She ended the conversation with "Don't worry I don't intend to" This is why I feel bad for my husband...he was forced to ask his only daughter to leave, his mother won't speak to him, which for his small family only leaves his dad (which is very sweet) and his brother, whom his daughter lives with which limits his contact with him. I really do wish there could have been a better ending with this situation...maybe in time there will be. He does adore my four children which says alot about the man. I had four children in five years and my last child was severally disabled which did hurt my first marriage. My son is better now but his conditions took their toll, on him as well as us(his parents). At the time I met my 2nd husband I was very single, my children's BD was having a hard time, and going through nursing school. He took us all in without a thought and loved my children as his own. Now the relationship with my ex and his wife is a very good one which is another hurddle for my husband to overcome...which he did with flying colors. As a family we have nights where we BBQ and my ex and his wife is invited and come over and have a good time..just talking. How many 2nd husband's could handle their wives having dinner with her ex. Not many. Hats off to my husband for being the man that he is....See Moremoving into a home that has taupe walls throughout and I don't want to
Comments (15)From reading this thread, I guess the take away is that if you do not want to re-paint, truly either black or white will go great. From the photos several have posted, you can see how nicely they both work. There is no right or wrong so really if you find something that strikes you - since it's all neutral; taupe, black, and or white, as well as metals, just decide to go with something you love and then you can "match " it up....See Moresweeby
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17 years ago
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