You really need to get some legal advice, about your options.

I would imagine that it would be difficult for you to instigate something, when it is not your house.

At the very least, I think your mother, has the right to say who lives in her house.

I assume you are living there because of financial reasons ?

He doesn't sound like the sort of model father figure, to me, if he has no regard for you oldest son, perhaps you should question your loyalty to him. Is he prone to violence ?

Your first step is to get some legal advice.

Good luck.

talk to a lawyer, file for divorce. if it is your mom's house, she is the one who decides who is staying there. She is not obligated to keep your husband there. and your son should live with you. maybe your husband has to go find foster care for himself. what's the deal here? if he won't leave, call the police and if, like you say, he has previous convictions then it is even better. why don't you want him away from kids? your son can't live with his mom because of this jerk! i can't believe it. are you for real?

You need to sort out your priorities. Your son is in foster care b/c your husband is "overly mean" to him. Just say abusive, that's what you mean but can't bring yourself to say. I don't think "overly mean" is a box on the child services form. Why don't you want to keep him away from the kids? Are you afraid? Your DH is making his own choices, you should not protect him from the consequences of those choices. You *should* protect your children from the consequences of those choices.

File the papers! Back up your mother in her role to legally get him out of her house, this must be putting huge stress on her. Take the legal actions you must take to remove him from your life. You sound like you actually know what you have to do, you're just don't want to do it. Use an attorney to settle on the custody issues that must be sorted out. Stop putting your husband's feelings above everyone elses.

If you continue to tolerate the situation, it will continue and get worse. You know that. Be brave, I'm sure this is very overwhelming. You will get through it, take the steps you know must be taken.

You need good legal advice. I'm not a lawyer, but because my husband's work sometimes involves working with squatters, I know that even someone who is living in a place illegally and not paying rent has legal rights. You cannot just toss them out. They have to be given adequate notice (usually around 30 days) and if they don't leave at that point, it can be months before one can legally have them evicted. The sooner you turn this over to your lawyer, the sooner this man will be out of your parents' house, and the sooner your poor son can come home.

Please, don't continue to put your husband ahead of your son. That's so unfair and cruel to the boy. Your child didn't ask to be brought into this world, and he deserves to have a safe, secure, magical childhood--as we all do. Don't allow your abusive husband to continue to hurt your child this way. Keep in mind, if you let the situation with your husband (living in the home, while the child has to be housed elsewhere) continue too long, the system may decide that YOU are not a fit parent either, because you don't have the strength to do the right thing for your child. Don't take the chance of losing custody permanently.

I wish your son the best and hope he's in a home where he's being loved, taught and cared for as a child should be.

Well -
You've chosen an abusive criminal to be part of your life as opposed to your son. What message do you suppose that sends to your kids?

You don't have any idea, so I'll tell you. They are less than he is, in your eyes. Great for their self esteem! Not so much.

You'll do whatever you want to do, but I thought I'd let you know the effect your choices are having on your kids right now. To use them as an excuse of why NOT to get a restraining order is a copout - and that my dear is just the truth.

You can make a difference right now, and your mother's weakness doesn't have to be your own. Time to stop being a victim, and time to get your life in order. Your kids deserve better than this.

Your eldest son in the foster home, will undoubtedly have lots of resentment along the lines of "why did you let me go away from my home, and let that man live there ". He will have problems in his life.

I ask you, who is more important ?

It is your responsibility to put the happiness and well being of all your children, before anything else.

This is not legal advice because I am not a lawyer, but in my state, a restraining order and visitation order are two things. If there is a restraining order, it doesn't necessarily prevent the father from seeing his children unless the children are protected under the restraining order. Then there is always supervised visitation.

To me, it sounds like you are making excuses for him and you've already put him before your oldest child, which I find shameful. I'm very much in support of putting marriage first but not at the expense of sending a child into the foster care system because one of the parents (step or bio) is abusive. The restraining order is long overdue and should have been taken out when you chose to let your son be put into a strangers house. I'm trying to maintain some sort of respect for you since you are asking for help, but it's not very easy when you say you've already gotten rid of him twice and then sent your son away while he stayed. You need to get him out of your home and be a parent to ALL of your children. Check with the county courthouse for info on the eviction process. Some have free seminars for people that don't have a lawyer. He may not have any rights since you are not renters, but just staying with your mom. Every state may have it's own rules about what constitutes a tenant. But if you have justification for a restraining order, that would get him out sooner. And I wouldn't worry too much about him going to jail because of his past, that's a problem HE created. It doesn't sound like he's losing sleep over your son living in foster care. He sounds like a real winner!!!

Here's a link to an earlier post.

Cylince, this guy is no good for any of you:
not you, not your oldest child, not the children you've had with him.

Call the cops & get him away from your family before things get worse.

Here is a link that might be useful: Abusive Stepdad

Your kids don't need to be around him, they may end up thinking abuse is normal behavior.

cylince,

I recall many of your previous posts and your relationship with your kids and husband. I hope this isn't too blunt, but I think maybe you should consider some counseling for yourself.

I know situations are hard to be in and that there are often reasons/excuses that things can't be done, but the fact that you allowed your child to go into foster care over kicking your husband out, and getting a restraining order against him says it all.

Money or whatever you think it is that your husband is helping provide means nothing compared to the fact that you are allowing your son to be raised in foster care. I think possibly you are an abused woman yourself and are suffering from battered woman's syndrome or something similar. It sounds as if you have the help and opportunity to free yourself from this man, but you just won't. In many cases, no father IS better than a bad one. Tell him to leave the house by the weekend, get a restraining order agianst him, and call the police if necessary. Get him out of your life and your son back in it. When you agreed to have children, your first repsonsibilty is to them, not yourself or even your husband. It sounds to me that you choose your abusive husband over your own child. Have you even considered what can happen in some foster homes?

Call a woman's shelter and see if they can direct you to someone that you can talk to that may be able to help you see things more clearly.

Here is a link that might be useful: Foster Care

Sometimes I think that focusing on all the data about abused women & children, & all the syndromes from which they suffer, & all the seemingly irrational things that they do, is focusing on the wrong end of things-

it focuses on the victims' behavior & not the behavior of the perpetrator.

& it can all be boiled down to one thing:

the commonly-held assumption that any man is more important than anybody else.

& that isn't true, & it isn't right.

Maybe if, instead of trying to build up a woman's self-esteem, making it her problem, counsellors & experts would just confirm that the abuser is a creep who's taking advantage of someone's vulnerability to make her even more defenseless so he can bully her even more, & that such people are no better than any other thug, women would find it easier to escape from their tormentors.

Maybe all they need is to acknowledge that the men in their lives *are* tormentors, bullies, & assailants, & they can let go the idea that they somehow need to kiss up to those creeps.

The fact that he fathered offspring?

so do stray dogs & soldiers of invading armies.

It doesn't mean they deserve to be elevated to the status of honored father.

Carla's offered some good thoughts;
please get rid of this piece of-work-, get some help in the form of a leg up (housing, child care, counselling, etc), & get on with a better life.

cylince is gone... guess she doesn't want to comment on all the logical good sound advice here.

I've wondered sometimes, here & there, now & then, about the authenticity of various posts & various posters, & when I saw the title of this thread, & then the original post itself didn't address eviction, & then I realized (after I've read about a zillion of OP's posts) that "cylince" might be pronounced "silence" & that maybe that pointed to someone who likes to play games....

well, I still don't know.

I have to agree with you Sylvia, I have been wondering along those lines myself. Seems hard to believe that, in this case, any person would turf out the child and keep the abuser in the home, does that really seem feasible ??

But nothing seems to surprise me any more !

I've been trying to figure out how/when OP has access to internet in a 28 ft. trailer and at a shelter, am I missing something? Even if a public terminal is used, she has a clingly, screaming toddler while she is typing? Am I missing something?

I've heard of abused women staying with their tormentor even when CPS takes their children away;
it's something about learned helplessness, the conviction that the abuser is all-powerful & that they can't escape, a sort of fatalism.

but one other thing did come to mind last night after I posted, the fact that some of cylince's abbreviations are more often used in text messaging, which a person would know how to do if she had a cell phone.

She doesn't have a comp she uses her phone to sign on-line. I remember that from other posts with her...

She used to post a while back about what a jerk the dad was and she stayed with him ... at some point she went into a shelter with all the kids ... around christmas if I remember right.

The only way for her to get away from the guy is putting him in jail... but she is afraid. There is not going to be a happy ending in that story.

Stockholm syndrome ... they sympathize with the tornmentor.

Could be complete BS too... :)

Yeah, and she used to post about he oldest not getting along with her husband, and then having a new baby and specific problems pertaining to the kids, husband, etc. I "think" she's real although I guess all her posts could be BS, but she's been on here a while. If you read her other posts, you'll see her personality has always been somewhat of the same.

Just following her stories, this lastest relevation (about foster care and still being with her husband) doesn't shock me at all. I am afraid for her, as I think a previous poster mentioned, that maybe all the kids will get taken away. I think it's only time before her husband starts becoming abusive to his own kids (which I bet he is already but she's probably making excuses for him); I really don't see why she thinks her kids are better with him in their lives... I don't know what syndrome she has, but it's gotta be something, because she's not acting rationally for her children, IMHO.

cylince, why don't you check in and let us know how things are? And what does your name mean - why did you pick it?

While I can appreciate the curiosity, it is my thoughts that it is irrelevant whether or not Silence is real or not. Fact is, there are plenty out there who identify enough with this story to take something from it.

This happens a lot- and, in fact, we can all take something from this. We can all re commit to our devotion to our children, to make sure that they are completely aware that they matter to us, to maybe do just a little bit more to be conscious of the decisions we make as parents and understand and accept the impact our decisions make on our children.

I am not sure what the laws are in your state, but in mine if someone is abusive you can get an order of protection against them and they will HAVE to move immediately.

So think of your children, not yourself. Go to your local courthouse and get that order of protection, using your moms address, and have the cops kick his butt out on the street. He should not be allowed to be verbally or physically abusive to you, your children, or your mother! I do not know why you would want to stay with such a person instead of taking care of your son who is in foster care and probably scared and sad right now!

Please get rid of this loser and help your children.

ok,1st off,I am very real. My name is Sabrina,I thought of cylince as a teen & just kept it.(no idea where it came from)I have a myspace if u wanna c my picture,& my kids & husband. Its myspace.com/cylince. Second, I live in my mom's new husband's trailer in their driveway,so I go in the house 2 go online. When I was in the shelter,I had wireless internet from a laptop my mom let me use. I have never gone on the internet from a cell phone & I don't have a cell. I don't know y I abbrieviate words, probably from chat rooms as a teen who knows. Yes,I am scared 2 leave. I finally got enough courage 2 get a job application,but I am dreading filling it out b/c I only went up to 11th grade, & I've only had one job in my life. I have no people skills & I have social anxiety. My mom is willing 2 help us pay rent 4 a place,but getting accepted is very hard when your only income is welfare. My husband is getting better,he admitted he was 2 hard on my son & that he didn't realize it had gone that far. He is taking parenting classes(on his own) & goes 2 our 3 year olds school for an hour everyday. I'm very dependant on him,my mom taught me 2 b dependant on others & I've been that way my whole life. I am in therapy,but it takes awhile 2 get the help needed. I would take meds 2 'regulate' my mind,but I'm breastfeeding & my dr. said no. I'm sorta busy with the kids right now,so I'll try 2 get on here some other time 2 keep every1 posted.

Fill out the application! And keep filling out applications and going on interviews until you get a job! It may be intimidating at first, but it gets easier. Also check into getting your GED.

With having 4 kids you would get a LOT of financial aid towards going to college. For community college you would probably not have to pay anything! There are a lot of good programs that only take 2 years or so to complete. Get your life in order. Depending on others is no way to live.

You need to be strong for your children and do what is best for them.