daughter moving out....niffle, niffle, sigh....

15 years ago

I have chronicled my struggles with DD20's beyond messy room and her stalker ex-boyfriend. Today we decided to allow her to move out and in with a friend/co-worker. The reason that I say "allowed" is that we will be subsidizing her rent since she is in school full time. The friend is male....no romantic interest.....and he and his sister have shared a two bedroom apartment. His sister is moving out of state and he needs a room mate. He has offered her a heck of a deal....the master bedroom/bath for less than 1/2 the monthly rent. We are busting at the seams here so after careful consideration and prayer we have decided to let her do this.

She is so excited and I am crying like a baby. Of course I knew that one of these days she would be moving out but gosh......this is hitting me so hard. She is hardly ever home as it is but I'm going to miss her so much. It's like somehow I didn't ever think that her being with me would ever end. Have I always been such a sentimental old fool or am I just falling apart everywhere. I thought that people got stronger as they got older. I feel like such a wimp.....as I'm writing this I can hear her, downstairs, laughing and talking on the phone to her friends. She is sooo happy. This is the beginning of a new chapter in her life and the end of one of mine.......

I just came back to this post after taking a break to run over to a friend's house and let their dog outside...they are out of the country....As I drove past my neighbor's house I thought about their son. He just got out of the Marines after serving 3 tours in Iraq. Having my beautiful daughter move out and start this new chapter in her life should be celebrated.....I'm going to do my best to suck it up and stop crying!!!!

It doesn't help that I'm sick....that DS has had trouble in school and so on and so forth. I'll have fun when DD and I can do a little shopping for her new place.

I have to say a BIG THANK-YOU to my DH, her step dad. Her bio dad would never have agreed to help her like this. .....Thank you Sweet Heart.....I love you.

Comments (6)

popi_gw
15 years ago
Aw, it is difficult, isn't it.

Believer, I think you will find your feelings of sadness are temporary. Sure you will miss her, but you will eventually be very happy with not having a messy bedroom and all the misery that goes with that.

And as you say, new opportunities will open up, you will go and visit her, buy her stuff. Your relationship will change with her, to a new one, that will be wonderful.

I have been through all of what you describe.

I am visiting my DD on Sunday, as it is my birthday, and she is making me lunch and a cake. Is there really anything better than that !!

I know you feel sad, for the time being...cry your tears and wipe them away and eventually they will stop and a smile will come back to you face.

P
believer
Original Author
15 years ago
popi,

I am feeling a little better and do look forward to going shopping with her and treating her to some things.

I told my DH, her step dad, that we needed to get a footon ( I know that isn't the correct spelling but my spell check wouldn't work on it ) for her bedroom at her apartment. He wanted to know why and I said...."So I have a place to sleep when I go to visit!".....She is moving maybe 4 miles away!

I know she wants to move out of state when she graduates so I'd better make the best of this next year. She is thinking of checking out the city where her 1/2 sister lives. I think that would be wonderful for them to have time to be together as adults. They are 13 years apart so haven't had a lot time to be together.

We'll build some wonderful memories....I'm just a softy when it comes right down to it. All the hard azz stuff is just a small part of the mom that I am. I love my babies...now and for always.
lowspark
15 years ago
This is the beginning of a new chapter in her life and the end of one of mine.......

Actually, it's the beginning of a new chapter for BOTH of you... and the end of one for both as well.

It's a pretty cool thing to be able to relate to your child as an adult. It's sort of the culmination of your hard work in raising her. You get to see the wonderful results as she gains independence and begins to make her own life, just as you did when you left your parents' home.

And you also gain some independence. You now have an opportunity to get new interests, do things you couldn't do when she was at home, etc. Remember, you were a whole person before you had kids, and although you've changed by your experience as a mother, you are still a whole person now that she's leaving home.

Step back and take a moment to be proud. Of her for moving forward with her life and continuing her education and becoming an adult. And of yourself for having raised her well.
popi_gw
15 years ago
Oh Believer, I am a softy too. I often fight back those tears, when I fleetingly remember "them" as littlies. A time that is lost.

But it is here and now...enjoy those moments, and I know you will.
sheilajoyce_gw
15 years ago
I remember how DH and I struggled to not cry or to give away how we felt when we dropped our oldest off at her university. I had managed to keep in mind the excitement of the new adventure all along, and the whole family was invited and drove up to the orientation the day before and left her with her new roommate after we fed them on Sunday before we left. We all lined up to hug her on the sidewalk after bringing them back to the dorm from lunch. The roommate stood behind DD and watched each of us hug her. I approached with a huge smile, hugged, and then my face fell apart and showed what I was truly feeling while I had her in my embrace. I held the hug long enough to have myself all put together by the time I released her. I wonder to this day what the roommate thought as she saw us all say goodbye. This is normal, mom.
sophiesmom4
15 years ago
Oh you poor dear. You cry all you want to. I have just this past year had DD move out. She was complete joy for me. The only thing that I can say is that it gets less painful with time. I still have my moments, especially when she leaves from a visit. It's like a reminder of what it was like (it certainly doesn't help that hormones are wreaking havoc with my emotions). Keep busy, and pat yourself on the back for parental success!
Hugs.