Adult child needs advice
secrecy
12 years ago
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popi_gw
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agosecrecy
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Adult child and loans
Comments (19)The best gift you can give her now is help with monetary planning and goal setting. Give her a copy of Dave Ramsey's book Total Money Makeover or find a group nearby that offers Financial Peace. Help her understand the time value of money. A big wakeup call for our daughter was when I had her take a spreadsheet and plot out where her money had gone the previous months (this was during high school) and then we looked at how much each trip to the discount store (ie Target, Walmart) was costing her and how that money could have worked differently or grown had she saved it over time. Our daughter now lives by spreadsheets. Have her work to save up the money or get the loan in her name alone. It's doubtful she can get a loan if she has no assets and a poor track record, but welcome to the real world. If she does get a loan, have her pay a small amount in rent or make plans w/ a deadline to move out. Can you sit down with her to set some short term and long term goals using a SMART worksheet: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timed. Do a Google search using the words: smart goal template. If she's somehow able to get an outside loan for courses, you could set aside funds (don't tell her) and once she gets her life in order, completes her education and has held a job for several years and pays her bills you might consider a gift of paying off part of her loan as a means of rewarding good behavior....See MoreEstrangement from adult child
Comments (166)I also stated just those words when my 5 children were small. My oldest was only 14 at the time and I was speaking with a neighbor and she told me she had not had contact with one of her son's for years. I was genuinely shocked. I did not know of such a horrific thing. Could that truly be? Nah, would never happen to me and my kids, NEVER. My eyes teared up as she spoke as I thought of my 3 sons and 2 daughters in a situation like that. I would just stop living and die for sure. Well, funny thing is life. My oldest son is now 27 in August and I have not had any contact with him since Sept. 26.2009. Almost 6 years. Guess what? I was right, I did die. My youngest son say's that mom must of died when West left. He saw it all, they all did. I did not cope well. I still have days and nights that are endless and unbearable. I can be strong for so long and not even think of him for months then a song on the radio or a tv show he liked, or one of my kids asks for me to cook a recipe that was his favorite and Im shattered like the day he left. I hope people do not judge, but yield to the notion that it can happen to anyone. Any parent. He was the one I always had time for, the one I watched sleep in his crib for 2 years just to look upon him. So beloved. My favorite person on this Earth. Even today. My good friend. I was shocked when I stumbled upon this thread. Each post speaks from my mouth, each tear falls from my eye. We are the same broken mommy. I will say, the one technique that saved me and my other children is Shunning. It is the only way. I stole or borrowed it I should say from the Jehovah's Witness neighbor that I have few homes down. It works for me. I feared all these years of my reaction to him coming back, calling , writing, bumping into him in public. I feared that my mommy instinct would be my downfall . I felt vulnerable and I did not want my family put through anymore of my sons psychopathy. I will never be a victim again. Shunning keeps everyone safe emotionally and physically for it will not allow me to respond to anything in any way. It is the only way. I worry that my love for him would leave me open to danger and to fall for his smooth ways just to be harmed in some way or my kids. Just cannot give him the benefit of the doubt ever. SHUNNING. I can sleep at night now. Less and less I think of him and those incredible 21 years I had in his presence. He is fading away now in my mind. We do not speak his name. Removed all photos and items of his. It feels like I never had that one child almost. It feels better this way, so odd but true. I could give a long story, but this is long enough. Just wanted to say I did not know so many mom's go through this crap too. And this is some crap boy, It rips you in half and you die. But through shunning, I have a hopeful future ahead, me and my 4 other children who love me and need me and don't want their brother to ever come back. they say "I miss Weston, but I don't miss all the stuff". The stuff, gosh there was A LOT of stuff. I tell them..."me too"....See MoreAdult child marriage problems
Comments (18)Latest on our family saga: son has stopped one credit card that she had -- wasn't in her name, but she apparently had taken it and was able to use it. He has turned off internet connection, cable, and phones. A worrisome event was when her daughter started screaming at our 8 yr old granddaughter: "Your daddy is an Axx Hxxx...aren't you real proud of him now?" And the mother chimed in more obscenities. Our son immediately took our granddaughter back to her mother. She also called the police to make he didn't evict her. I'm doing a bit of checking on her, not sure what it will prove, other than if something turns up that shows she's done something like this before. She has lied about so many things -- it's just incredible. We were told the daughter was a straight A student, and was going to graduate ahead of her classmates. Intially she was quiet, but pleasant, so I overlooked the other things. Now we found out she hasn't even been in school full time for 2 years. She should be a junior, but doesn't even have enough credits to be classified as a sophmore. Her mother played a game with the school districts -- telling the one she should have gone to, that they moved, and she was enrolled in a different school. Guess they all fell for it. Yes, she used the word "hate" in reference to her feelings about family and former friends. Also told me her sister is a "psycho" -- maybe it runs in the family. Flower, thanks for the advice about NAMI. I will give them a call, and let you know what they say. Unfortunately our son lives 1000 miles from any other family, so we aren't close by, but have told him we will get on a plane whenever he needs us. I am a prayerful person, and lots of prayers are being said this week....See MoreHelp! stepsparent of adult child
Comments (65)Yeah, I guess I was doing the respecting for my husband, but partially because I m a mom too, and they are kids, with not the best of judgement for their ages, altho 5 years have passed and they should be wising up by now....I actually have not spoken to them since the wedding fiasco, where the 24 yr old wanted dad to pay half costs, he wont call anymore because we didnt pay...Thr 17 year old hasnt been here either since April, but he has a weekend job, and they live about an hour away, but dad calls him weekly and wants to set up a visit...But, he is hinting around for dad to buy him a car.The kid earns money and has a ton of money in the bank(dad does his taxes, so thats a fact)But kids mother told him he has NO money in the bank, and she controls it...So another case of dad the bad guy, wont pay for my brothers wedding, wont buy me a car..Dad works hard, I work, ex has never had a job in her life.Cries, cries cries, to the kids, get money off them..I wonder what will happen when the 17 yr old is emancipated and no money will be coming in to her, she is 54 years old....We cant be responsible for supporting her forever..Sigh..Seems so far away to be rid of her ...Sorry so long of a whine......Advice to keep sanity????...See Moresecrecy
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