"Choose" to be a full-time working mom? I doubt it. I work full time out of financial necessity. Obviously you aren't speaking to single moms or moms with unemployed spouses.

Choice was never in my vocabulary.

Ok, I stand corrected from "browntoestoo"'s posting. Let me verify:

1. The word "choose" was used to avoid using the word, "have to" - I know some parents who "chose" to work and it is not because of financial reasons. So, whether you "choose" to work or "have to" work, I would like to know WHY for my research.

2. There is NO such thing as a "single-parent". You are either a "divorced" parent, -OR- a "never-married" parent. Again, for my research, I would like to know which one you are.

3. If you are a working mom because your spouse is "unemployed", that will also fit into my research questions.

If I offend anyone, as I may have with "browntoestoo", please do not reply. This is merely a non-judgmental, very informal survey. If you need to know about me, I am a 38 years old female returning college student with 2 boys. I have been in just about every category in my survey, so I am not from a Ozzie & Harriet lifestyle. I am just interested in what other moms have to say about my research question.

Thank you and I look forward to hearing your REPLIES to help me get an idea of, "who", "what", "why", "how", "where" the moms in the world work, or do not work.

Thanks again ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

I chose to stay home with my 3 kids who are now 29, 26, 23. We postponed children for 7 years, and saved every penny I earned so that we could afford my staying home. I quit teaching mid pregnancy with my first child. We have not had as many of the nice things or trips that I see other dual income families have around us in our very affluent community, but we managed the important things and saw all three graduate from college debt free. I wanted to stay home for my kids because I remembered feeling so good to find my mother home when I was a girl returning from school. We had a wild, nonconforming middle child, and I have always thought we could have lost him to drugs or the wrong crowd if I had not been here and managing him carefully.

just clarifying the subject, please reply when you can, thank you!

MC

PS--my oldest is female--the other two boys! As the kids got older, I became a super volunteer in our new and growing community and schools. Later I was elected to the school board. So I found a way to support my family and still get out and meet people during the day and exercise my skills and brain working on challenging projects in our community.

I will take your challenge and answer honestly. I hope no one bites my head off!

1. Are you a working mom? YES

If so, a) what age was your child when you began to work? 3 months
b) why do you work? I first worked because I had gone to school for 6 years and gotten a bachelor and master's degree, then had progressively more complex jobs that I found fascinating and satifying. I didn't want to give up what I'd spent 12 years to achieve. This may make me unpopular, w/ SAHMs but it's true. I also did not trust in DH's profession because he is a computer consultant and the field is VERY volital. Even though his paycheck was about 60% of our budget, I felt that my job gave us some financial security. Last but not least, I am not a "kid person". I love my kids more than anything in the world but I just can't be with them 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. I worked part time for 7 years (3 days a week), from the time my oldest was 3 months old until my youngest was 2. That gave me enough professional identiy and "me time". When my husband lost his job in Jan 2002 I returned full time. I am blessed that my job is flexible enough I could go full time without having to change jobs. I would love to still be working part time, but I am also blessed that my company has flex time son I can work 4 10 hour days and still be at home 3 days a week.

c) what is your job position? I am a senior marketing analyst at a life insurance company.

d) if your child is school age, do they go to latchkey or an after-school program? Until DH lost his job, my school age children went to a neighbor's house after school because our elementary school does not have latchkey. Now they come straight home because DH is there to get them off the bus.

e) if your child is in junior high or above, are they home alone after school and for how long? - who cares for them in the summer months or during breaks from school? N/A

f) what are the ages and gender of your kids? 3 boys, 8, 6, and 3.

Momma, that was an awesome answer, you were brave to be so honest and I commend you! I am also a mom but there is no category here for me. What about a SAHM who also WORKS outside the home?!?! We chose for me to stay at home with my children when we had our 3rd child since expensive childcare costs negated profit from my job.

Like Momma, I am not able to spend 24-7 with my children. I have 4 wonderful, unique children (and a step-daughter) who I wouldn't trade for the world, but I have to have my sanity afterall! What good is an over-stressed SAHM?

I work 30 hours a week in the evenings and on weekends. It works for my family. A 2nd income was pretty much required. (We have 5 children total and we have to feed them afterall...) Our schedule works so that we rarely need a sitter but when we do my parents pitch in and help out.

I have the best of both worlds, a career AND I get to be a SAHM! :-) Top that! It works for us. I don't think we can pigeon hole everyone's "career vs. mom" situation into one of two categories. We all do what we do out of necessity. If you need to work, you do. If you need to be home with your kids, you do. If you need both, you find a way to make it work.

Well I am a SAHM for three wonderful babies.

a) what age was your child(ren) when you began to stay home with them? I was six months pregnant with my first.

b) why do you chose to stay home with your children? My husband and I have worked with high school children for nine years. Kids from many different backgrounds and lifestyles and the kids who were the most healthy emotionally, made better decisions for their lives and had the strength to stand up to drugs and alcohol were mostly children of families who had one parent who stayed home with them. Through my husbands job we have come in contact with some good parents in whom I have had the great priveledge to learn from. I felt It would have been selfish of me (not anybody else) to not have stayed home with all that I have learned. It was a huge difficult decision. I did not picture myself staying home. I wanted my career too. And I will have it. Just not right now. I can wait a few years.

c) are you financially secure enough to be home and not work? What a loaded question. Am I financially secure enough. To many people probably not. To myself our financial situation can be very frustrating. I am 34 and we just bought our first home. The only reason we could have bought it was because it was a low income housing program. The adorable little cars that I used to buy are now replaced with ones that are quite used and "economical" which to me means ugly. I buy my clothes at places, 10 years ago, I wouldn't have considered purchasing from. Second hand clothing stores, Walmart, Kmart. My hair is no longer processed in any way and I am my hairstylist for the most part. No more little things that used to be apart of who I am. OK, I think you got the gist. I have had to sacrifice a lot for my decision. But for myself and my family it is worth going through it because I know it is not forever. My dear husband, who truly is a wonderful husband, does not make a lot of money at his job. I know if he chose to he could probably make more than double what he is making. He has had some offers. He does what he does because he truly loves to do it. He loves to make a positive difference in the lives of high school kids. He would stay home with the kids if I said I wanted to work or he would get a higher paying job if I asked him to. But I wouldn't want to take something away from him that he enjoys so much and that I also enjoy seeing the results.

d) what are the ages and gender of your kids? A 5 year old girl, a 4 year old boy and a 8 month old girl.

Are you a stay-at-home mom? Yes
a) what age was your child(ren) when you began to stay home with them? From conception
b) why do you chose to stay home with your children?
I am fulfilled at home with my kids. There are tough days but what job doesn't have those! I don't like working outside the home -though I did before my kids and made outstanding money. Just as the working Mom's feel they are a better person for working outside, I feel I am a better person not working in a corporate environment. Calmer and happier. I do have neighbors and friends that work and I feel we all support one another's needs and choices. I never feel unpopular among working Moms and, as an aside, people shouldn't feel bad about one choice or another AND should never pass judgement on others choices.
c) are you financially secure enough to be home and not work? Yes.
d) what are the ages and gender of your kids?
3 beautiful sons, 8, 7, and 5.

Best of luck with your research. :)

i have 2 children a son 5 and a daughter 22 months-i had 3 months maternity leave with each child-although we could afford for me to be a SAHM, i am not for several reasons- one being my husband always wanted a career woman and i knew that when i married him, other reasons being i simply could not be confined to this house 24/7 it would drive me insane but i believe i have the best of both worlds- i work 530am to 2:00-Mon-Thurs my kids go back to sleep at daycare until 830 and then i pick them up at 215 i have the entire afternoon and evening to spend with them-because i work,i also can afford to hire a housekeeper so my time at home is not all spent cleaning- have an extremely flexible schedule and come and go as i please for when they are sick or have something special going on so i don't miss out on anything-we do everything together on evenings and weekends as a family and i never leave them with a babysitter after work hours and my sister who is a SAHM is gone every night playing bingo or whatever. i work as a dietitian and i had my children after i had already worked at the facility for 18 years ( 12 as a dietitian) so was up there in wage at 35 dollars an hour- if i had quit to be a SAHM and tried to re-enter the work force in a few years i would have had to start at the bottom again probably making about 18 dollars less an hour and it just wouldn't have made sense.- i really don't believe my children are affected by my not staying home all day they really enjoy their daycare and they love being able do to stuff like going on vacations and playing sports that they might not be able to do if it were not for my income- also i provide for their health insurance, etc.. so those are my reasons... my mom was a SAHM and trust me LOL it didnt do us any good!!

I second the above post, only my mom was a working mom and god bless her for it!! Instead of having to go to Detroit Public Schools, my mom's income made it possible for me to go to private schools. I thank her for it and believe me, I don't regret not having a SAHM! I turned out okay!!!

I choose to work. No matter what my husband's income is, I would work. I am a tax attorney at a large law firm. I love it. I have a gift for what I do and I think it would be a crime not to use that gift to give my family certain advantages, like awesome schools.

I have two sons, 5 years old and 11 months old. They both go to the same daycare and they are very happy there. When my 5 year old starts kindergarten in the fall, he will be going to an after-school program at the school.

Since my husband owns his own business, his schedule is flexible enough to accommodate breaks, illnesses, holidays, etc. My five year old is from another marriage and my ex-husband works for one of the Big 3 and gets a lot of vacation time as well. My parents also help out a lot and my dad is retiring soon, so he will be helping out even more. My kids are the only grandkids, so they jump at the chance to be with them (I am lucky, I got the best parents in the whole wide world!!!)

Being that I am a transactional attorney (I work on deals, not litigation), my own schedule is pretty flexible. I have unlimited sick and personal time along with four weeks of vacation. I don't punch a clock- I work my own hours and can (often do) work from home. I just work a lot of them. Often I am up working til midnight. I thrive on it. So the reason I work is that I am just a workaholic. Couldn't imagine my life without it.

I am a full-time working mom, but my job has many benefits that help me to do so.
I am a high school English teacher. I have 2 children--Chase 10 & Kristen 8--and a wonderful, supportive husband. I went back to work when my Children were 6 weeks old for both professional and "sanity" purposes. Like Mamma Bird, I am not a true "kid person"--babies tend to un-nerve me. I love my children dearly. They are the most important people in my world, but I realized right away that to be most effective I could not spend 24/7 at home. My nerves would not take it.
I really have the best of both worlds. When my children were small, my aunt was their childcare provider during the school year while I was working. I then had summers to spend with them.
Now that they are in school, they go to work with me and then ride the bus from my school to their school. It is a wonderful arrangement because they are able to sit in my classroom after school and do homework. This eliminates stress at home and gives them the opportunity to have free "tutors" in any subject they are having difficulty.
I firmly believe that it is the quality of time that you spend with your children that is important. When we are not at work, we spend all of our time with our children--cooking, playing games, etc. It works for us, and our children do not seem to be lacking in any way.

I am a SAHM that also works an additional 20 hours out of the house as a preschool teacher. Finances would be much better for us if I worked F/T, but I am doing everything I can so that I can be home as much as possible. I chose a job that allows me to only work while the kids are in school. I can see them off in the morning and am home when they get off the school bus. That is very important to me. I was a F/T SAHM for 4 years and I loved it, but finances required me to bring in additional income. I've now been teaching P/T for 4 years and it's worked out great. I do think it's a personal decision, depending on the mother and family. We should never feel guilty, no matter what we decide!

1. Are you a working mom? YES

a) what age was your child when you began to work? 3 months old

b) why do you work? No choice; single parent with no child support

c) what is your job position? Exec Sales Assistant to the Senior VP of Sales over the entire company

d) if your child is school age, do they go to latchkey or an after-school program? she goes to daycare half-day, then Kindergarten half-day. Prior to K-garten she was in daycare full time OR with one of the grandmothers, since age 3 months up until starting K-garten last yr.

f) what are the ages and gender of your kids? Age 6, girl.

Even if I could be a stay home mom (if I had a husband), I would not do it. Just my preference. My child is an only child and I won't get married again - also a preference!

- darkeyedgirl

Are you a working Mom? yes

What was your childs age when you began? He was a freshman in high school when I began working away from home. Prior to that I worked out of my home.

Why do I work? I worked just enough to make ends meet in the beginning. Then I worked to put him in private school during elementary years. Now I work because I want to, and I like the extra money to spend as I like.

What is my job position? I was a hairdresser. I had a hair salon out of my home until his freshman year. At that time I quit doing hair and started driving a school bus.

If child is school age are the latchkey? Well, he just turned 18, but he was with my sis, or friends when I had long days. Otherwise he was in the house with something to keep him occupied, but available should he need me. I worked a lot of evenings and weekends when his Dad was available. He was never in an after school program. When I started driving a school bus I don't get home until a couple hours after him. He is home alone during that time.

Who cares for them in summer? I was always here, and as a driver I don't work school breaks.

1. Are you a working mom?
* No

2. Are you a stay-at-home mom?
   *Yes

If so, a) what age was your child(ren) when you began to stay home with them?

* My husband and I always knew I would stay home with them (from the beginning when they were born), it was discussed before we were married.

b) why do you chose to stay home with your children?

* Because that is what I was meant to do, I have always felt that they are my responsibility, and I enjoy my children's company and enjoy watching them grow, instilling our values, and being there for them. I am also very involved in the community and feel that I can give my kids various aspects in the "role model" category as my volunteer work encompasses all sorts of working situations and a wide variety of people. We have homeschooled for the past 7 years. I am a college graduate, but knew that I would be able to use my schooling even if I wasn't being "paid" for it. College was not a waste of time, even though I knew I would only "work for pay" for a few years.
c) are you financially secure enough to be home and not work?

*I feel that this is a Catch-22 question, we don't have a lot of fancy clothes, big expensive cars, Nintendo etc., never spent more than $30 on a pair of sneakers, etc. However, our expenditures are high in the areas we feel are important to us: cultural events, travel, lessons (rock climbing, the shoes alone are $100, dance, etc) and I make the budget fit what we have chosen to include in our lives. We shop at flea markets, we travel like locals, and we live in an old house that we are fortunate enough to be able to repair/maintain ourselves.

We live in an extremely affluent area, and are definitely in the minority with our lifestyle, except among homeschoolers...LOL But my kids love it, they have NEVER felt cheated or lacking. In fact, often times their friends want me to homeschool them so they can do some of the neat things we are able to do, with less money ;)
d) what are the ages and gender of your kids?

*17 year old girl and 15 year old boy

(my answers are not to enter into the age old debate we women seem to have, I merely posted to offer encouragement to women out there who may want to try staying at home, but aren't sure they can)

1. Are you a working mom? Yes

2. What age was your child when you began to work? 3 months for the 1st one and 8 week for the 2nd

3. Why do you work? Because if I didn't there would be no money for retirement or college. Since there is no such thing as a pention plan except for the auto companies, if I want to live above poverty level when I retire, then I have to work and save for it. I also feel it is important for my kids to go to college. Yes, there are loans available out there for them, but if I can help out so that they are not in debt when they gradutate than that's what I will do. It also allows us to send them to sports camps which I believe makes them a well rounded individual.

4. What is your job position? I am a Contract Administrator for a computer company

5. If your child is school age, do they go to latchkey or an after-school program? My children went to day care until they were too old to attend, then I found after school and summer programs for them.

6. If your child is in junior high or above, are they home alone after school and for how long? My oldest is 15 and is home for 2 1/2 hours alone each day when he doesn't have some kind of sports practice or after school activity. My youngest is at daycare for 1 1/2 hours after school before I pick him up.

7. Who cares for them in the summer months or during breaks from school? My oldest is either at a friends house with parents who are home, at camp or at home. My youngest is at daycare or summer day camp or at a friends house.

8. What are the ages and gender of your kids? 2 boys, ages 15 and 10

I did not stay home because I was afraid I would turn out like my mother, who thought her most important job was cleaning the house and having dinner on the table at the same time each night. I don't remember her playing with us as kids and we were never allowed to participate in sports because she didn't want to drive 4 kids back and forth to various activities because this might make dinner late. I spend quality time with my kids and I thoroughly enjoy watching them participate in their various sporting events. I also take time off work if their events take place during working hours. I don't think my kids are adversely affected by my working.

Good luck on your project.

Thanks for this post, by the way. The responses are pretty interesting.

Personally, I think both choices (stay at home or work) are valid, it just depends on your circumstances and the kind of person you are. Why is this issue so emotionally charged? (I am speaking from my own experience, not from what was posted on this site).

I have had some pretty jealous people try to jump down my throat for being a working mom, but you know, I can honestly look at my children and say, I wouldn't change a thing. They are happy and I am happy with the path I have choosen, so what else matters?

Here's my next question, maybe someone else can do a research paper on this: why do we only pose this question to moms? Why is it that no one asks fathers whether they choose to stay at home or work? Is it because we still assume that men make more money in the workplace, and therefore, their jobs are more valuable? For those of us who are educated working women out there, is there anything we can do to change that perception?

I'm a working mom & by your defination a "divorced mom".

a) I was active duty military when my first DS was born & was a stay-at-home mom by the time my 2nd DS was born. I began to work again when we were completely out of the military & I was back home in Texas (kinda difficult to find a good job when you're moving every 1-2 years - from Germany to Colorado to Missouri).

b) I went back to work for financial reasons. We were living with my parents & were saving money for a house. By the time of the divorce, it was a good thing I was working and had a good job.

c) I'm in a support role for a major wireless company.

d) My girls are 12 & 9. I've arranged my schedule so that I'm able to take them to school and when they get home from school (after taking the bus home), they're only alone for 15 minutes. Then it's off to gymnastics, music, PTA, etc. I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home when they're sick or on a school holiday too.

e) This will be in effect next year too, when my 6th grader moves into middle school. I'm lucky enough to be able to ship them 45 minutes away to my parents for the summer. I drop them off on Sunday & pick them back up on Friday after work. They also go to camp every year too. It'll be Space Camp for both this year.

f) 2 girls, ages 12 & 9.

I agree with Lea, can dads be included? For example, my BIL was a SAHD while my sister was working F/T & going to school F/T working on her engineering degree.

I am a stay at home working Mom. I quit work shortly before we began "trying" for a baby. We had been married 11 years by the time our daughter was born and financially secure. Our daughter is now 18 and our son is 17. We eventually started a business that I could work from home and eventually we became stay at home parents.

My Mother was a working Mom and it was HORRIBLE. My friends' homes were always calm and orderly and well-managed while ours was always in frenzied activity. Mom and Dad both worked. Dinner was made by whomever had the time. Both parents were always too tired to really be a part of our lives. I never had help with homework and if I ran out of glue ... it was too darned bad because by the time some parental unit came home - the stores were closed. Little things like that stick in your mind. They loved us dearly, but they were too worn out at the end of the day to spend another ounce of energy laughing or being pleasant. They always looked dragged out. I had no one to confide in, but was lucky to have an Aunt that had time. My parents were the ones that were absent for school recitals, field trips, etc. This was back in the 60's when everyone else's Moms were home. Each of us kids learned to deal with it in different ways. We turned out ok. I swore that when I grew up and had kids - I would never do that to them. Fact is that money would never have been an issue - if I had kids I knew I would make a way to stay home with them.

Well, I chose to drive my kids crazy in another way. I stayed home.

I am sure that they will have their stories about Mom too. Point is that we often do things differently than the generation before. No one thing works for everyone. Each Mom and Dad and each child are individuals. Is it better for a child to have an at home Mom or a working Mom? Who knows. We do the best that we can with what we have and if we do it with love - they may not resent us too badly when they grow up.

Fact is no matter what choice we make - we end up feeling guilty. I want my headstone to read "I was not perfect. I was human. I made mistakes but I did my best ... hope it was good enough to let you know how much I loved you!!!"

I am a working mom, due to major health issues that DH has, we can't afford to risk not having insurance coverage. His monthly meds would be unaffordable and he could die. It's hard to have to work. But I can tell you that just because parents work, doesn't mean that recitals are missed, etc.

I committed to working close to the school so that I can volunteer in DD's classroom. Thanks to the wonderful folks over at the Organizing forum, my house is declutterd and far less crazy. Proper planning has meant that we have no distress over last-minute projects, or running out of supplies. It happens, but hey, Target is open until 10 so any crisis can be handled.

My neighbors and I network also, and we lend each other whatever the other needs, because we know the favor will be returned.

I agree that SAHM is the best of all worlds, but working parenting is possible to do, and still be available for school functions, etc. Even my DH attends as many as he is able, because he does not want to miss out either.

Well, with the recently announced median home price in California at $450,000, lots of our children will have no choice but to work when they are parents. And that $450,000 is a fixer upper in most cases.

Are you a stay-at-home mom? Yes

If so, a) what age was your child(ren) when you began to stay home with them? since birth. I graduated nsg school 6 days before she was born but I've never put it to use YET

why do you chose to stay home with your children?

I find being at home keeps me very busy & fulfilled. I've never understood SAHM who claim they are bored. I have 1 daughter, 3 dogs, a home & my husband's business I do much of the work for plus I made sure to start involving myself & my daughter in school & plenty of activities. Gosh if I never have to work I would be so happy BUT chances are that when the last of my kids is in fulltme school I'll at last work part-time.

are you financially secure enough to be home and not work?
Like everyone else we could always use the extra $. We don't have a retirement a/c set up, we have to buy our own very expensive health ins., we havn't been on a great vacation in several yrs, we no longer go to fancy dinners, our home could use allot more remodeling, our cars are old but in good condition & paid for & I am always comparison shopping BUT we have no debt despite every month praising when we've paid the last bills. Our daughter is in private school & already takes 4 sets of lessons at age 3 & when we have our day trips or do happen to go out we truly go all out & enjoy, plus since I have no family help at all I have been lucky enough to be able to pay for a mothers helper or sitter for those times I need to catch up on the home, errands or the business paperwork or go to my many medical appts (I was diagnosed with MS a yr ago). All in all I'm happy, but my husband is self employed & he'd like to make a switch right now & he can't b/c we don't have enough $ in the bank nor another income. I had a stay at home Mom when I grew up & feel there is nothing better. I think that while kids are young I prefer being aorund for safety & to be involved in all the firsts, then they start activities & who else is going to chaperone them everywhere & then later on I want to be around so they have support & hopefully I can prevent them from making some bad choices that they might make had they not had any parent at home during the day after school.

what are the ages and gender of your kids?

daughter age 3 & working on #2

Michie

I agree with Lea808 - it's sad that we pose this question only to women. No one thinks anything of it when a man with children goes to work, even if he is less able to support the family than his wife might be.

I am a SAHM who also like to do WAHjobs once in a while for fun money.

http://www.poshpoints.com/default.aspx?ref=7050

I ordered a few outfits for Cameron and Dylan there was not too much for Jordan but tons of baby stuff and lots of Womens clothing. I saw a few scrapbooking things I was interested in too!! All of the clothing I ordered for Cameron and Dylan came under the 15 points so all free to me!! I may even list some stuff?? Who knows. Just wanted to pass the info along.

I just found this site. They give you 15 points = $15.00 just for registering then you can buy things with your points. The best part is the Seller pays shipping so it really is free!!

You can also list things to sell for points as well but as a seller you have to pay shipping. I guess it would be worth it still. Sort of like trading I guess just you don't have to trade with a specific person.

Anyone just wanted to make sure I told you all since I know how most of you like deals! Have any of you ever used this site?? I wonder why I never heard of it when they first started?? I know a lot of you use ebay.

Here is a link that might be useful: Awesome deals ~ TOTALLY FREE Stuff, Like Trading but FREE!

2. Are you a stay-at-home mom? YES

a) what age was your child(ren) when you began to stay home with them? SINCE MY 2ND CHILD WAS 5 MONTHS OLD

b) why do you chose to stay home with your children?
I did not want my children subjected to the "rat race" when they were young (having to be woken up, going out in the freezing cold mornings when they are half asleep, long car rides to daycare everyday). This is their home, this is where they belong with me, their mom. I had my first child in daycare p/t until age 2 1/2 -- she was fine but no one could ever convince me that she would not benefit more from being at home with her mom. Also, I found working when I had small children to just be a total hassle. Like tonight there is sink full of dirty dishes; they can wait until morning but if I worked, I'd be looking at them tomorrow at dinnertime. My youngest just turned 5 and, other than preschool, pretty much goes everywhere with me; she is my little buddy. Also when they get into school, as my oldest is now, there are days off, holiday vacations, summer vacations and sick days when they still need you -- my kids spend the summer playing with their neighborhood friends in their backyard -- not at summer camp for 45 hours a week. It is a great life.

c) are you financially secure enough to be home and not work? YES

d) what are the ages and gender of your kids? GIRLS 7 AND 5