Thanks for your input. I'll try to answer all your questions. - My husband is her biological father. He grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father who taught him nothing but how to drink. DH had to learn things on his own and the hard way. His intentions were only to show her different ways on how to do things but it backfired. Surprisingly, they are very close and he does EVERYTHING for her. He feels I should stay out of it cuz the counsellor at the Crisis Intervention place said we were probably controlling. She needs to make her own decisions to be more confident. - She does have an IEP. She got it when she first started high school (French school). She transferred to an English high school in the 11th grade and is doing a lot better. She's an A student. - School counsellor is the one who called me about a month ago cuz daughter had a panic attack at school (not her first). Counsellor recommended that she see a doctor. Counsellor is the one who mentioned to daughter about home schooling, although she agreed with me when I voiced my concerns about her doing that cuz she'd be too isolated and that it's better that she attends school whenever she can. - About 2 years ago, we "forced" her into therapy cuz we could see she was getting depressed and needed help. Therapist there said we should "make" her go to school. It didn't work cuz we forced her into it and she didn't open up. A person has to WANT help. She WANTS it now, which is a good sign. She went to the Crisis place on her own. - The school counsellor told me that we would keep in close contact about my daughter's situation. She told all my daughter's teachers that she was going through health and home issues. All the teachers are being very supportive towards her. Two weeks ago, I called the counsellor to give her an update (daughter went to Crisis and started therapy - tomorrow is her 2nd sessioon), I'm still WAITING for her to get back to me after leaving 2 messages! - At parent/teacher night, parents meet with each individual teacher privately to discuss the progress of their child. This would be the only opportune time to meet cuz it's very hard to set up an appointment with them. Seems there's no time that's good for anybody cuz of time restraints. Some parent/teacher interview take 20 minutes. - The "course outline throughout the semester" that you mentioned is done the first week of school through printout material that parents have to sign and return to the teacher. - Hubby is really trying to change his ways. Daughter even mentioned she's noticing a change. It's got to the point where he's scared to say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing right now cuz she's so fragile. - The bullying she experienced in elementary school wasn't a decade ago. It was in grades 6,7, and 8. When she was accessed for anxiety by a psychologist and his team in the summer before 9th grade, they said that it was a great cause to her anxiety because of the low self-esteem, etc. Daughter has a hard time to let it go cuz she has a lot of anger about it. The counsellor at the Crisis place told her that she's living in the past and in the future (cuz daughter has all these goals she's working towards) and is NOT living in the present and taking care of herself. I've decided that I will mention to her teachers exactly about what is going on with her... reason for her absence, therapy, etc. Just to make them aware of it so they know. There's really no big discussion about it with them, just a mention. If they wish to discuss matters further, then maybe they could make the time for a meeting. Anxiety and agorophobia is in the family too. A lot of people don't truly understand what anxiety/panic attacks are all about.

Ha. my dog is the leader of the ANTI-HUGS PACK - he will actually start towards him, arms outstretched, he will glare at us then run away!!! Even asking for a hug will get you a glare - my dog hates them, but then my dog appears to not be a real dog, or he is broken or something like that - hardly eats unless we try and steal his food, sits on his butt like a human and refuses to go fpr walkies or hiking on a regular basis (unless snow is on the ground - then we can not get him back in \the car)...I could go on but then I would suffer a complex because I m\am not really a dog owner at all. It use to be we called him a chicken in a dog suit, now????maybe he was a buddisdt priest in a previous life...it is anyones guess

I'm not going to even try to give you advice on what to do. That is something you will need to figure out on your own. One can't know all of the details you didn't mention. But, I feel from your quest for help that you love your daughter so much and you may feel you do too much for her...(I, too have been guilty of that). I think, perhaps, the real problem may be her low self esteem. I know that I would want to transfer my daughter back....just like you....but, would that solve the underlying problem of lack of self esteem? Think about it and good luck with you difficult decision.

TOS before defining my post "rants" and writing that i intentionally confuse your answers to scaruso with the answers to my las posts, please read it: my last post begins with : "Finally you answered to MY very simple question: "Would you like somebody collecting porn OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN and his father or stepmother not reporting him ? " Reread my last post and show me where I misquoted you, otherwise I will report you to the boards'adminstrator as somebody advocating not reporting sexual offenders (CHILD PORN COLLECTORS, even of just 2 images of prepubescent girls ARE SEXUAL OFFENDERS). It is time you came out from your moral and legal ambiguity on this point To get this matter absolutely clear, as it concerns the moral position and action to take in view of even the possibility of such an heinous crime like the sexual exploitation of minors, i will cite INTEGRALLY your next to last post. YOU wrote: "She did not say he had a huge collection of CHILD porn. She said he had a large collection of porn, which made her uncomfortable. She did not specify whether she was certain the girls (I assume they were female) were definitely children, whether the pictures were definitely pornographic or were pictures that were just inappropriate or creepy when in the possession of a teenage boy, or whether the pictures were taken by an adult or something that a girl took herself and stupidly posted on myspace. We weren't there so we don't know what was going on. My daughter who is in her mid-twenties was once mistaken for a middle schooler, and that was in person, not just from a photograph. How do we know that the "preteen" she referred to wasn't really 17? For that matter, how does one know that the "18+" pornographic pictures readily available on the Internet are not really of girls younger than that? Obviously no reasonable person wants anyone to take or possess pornographic pictures of their children. I wouldn't want anyone to take or possess any pictures of my children, period, unless there was a good, logical reason for doing so. No, I wouldn't expect his parents to report him to the police, especially if he were a teenager. I would want them to get him help from a mental health professional." This is your original next to last post. About its first statementI i must remind you and the board'administrators that EVEN THE SUSPICION of sexual exploitation of minors must be reported and investigated: if the said photoes are 2 or 100, of 17 year old or a prepubescent-looking 25 year old, according to the law against sexual exploitation of minors, can not and should be left to the judgement of the families and friends of the possible offenders... About the second statement , I see that you don't like the idea of somebody's having any kind of photoes of YOUR OWN children without good reason. So I will ask you for the SECOND TIME (the first was in my last "raving" post) why you find acceptable for somebody to collect naked photoes of somebody's else children, I would like a clear answer from such a moral, quick to judge person like you, always so certain about other people's and particularly step parents'behaviours. About the third statement of your next to last post: finding mental help for a kiddie porn collector is not acceptable in the eyes of the law for the simple reason that, provided that the sexual offender agree to get treated, while his family or friends find the right help, he is free to continue the sexual exploitation of minors. So the choice of reporting this kind of crimes is not given to parents, mates, spouse and not even to maids, cleaners, employees or even to anonymous web users etc..: if you stumble upon even of a dubious (even if it could be of a young 18+ and not a real 14) picture you must report it and if during an investigation comes out that somebody saw such a picture or site and did not report he can be charged with aiding and abetting and rightly so. BTW, if , as you say in your last post: "I have received spam with those words in the subject a couple of times, along with all the spam for enlarging body parts I don't have. Neither you nor I have actually seen the pictures." please report the sites you are receiving such a spam from so the relevant authorities can investigate them and you will not incur in the risk to being possibly aiding and abetting criminals. I don't see how a person like you, so invested in protecting children from any real and perceived ills and from a child-hostile culture , can be so carefree about this and condone even the possibility to be compliciting with children's sexual exploitation. I would expect somebody like you to be up in arms at the first whiff of child porn.. But maybe I am a 44 year old moralistic prude and you are a middle age tolerant and think-the-best-about-anybody-especially-if-a-stepkid lady.... Now, about your last post : - about your precisation in your next -to-last post on the difference between B&D and S&M: as in numerous threeads on this forum you expressed yourself vehemently agaist plain, vanilla dating for divorced and even widowed parents I was just curious about your open attitude on this particular activities, so I wrote (in my last post) : "And you are open and knowledgeable to bondage too, as I see from your last post: "I think "Men dressed in leather having sex with women in bondage" is B&D, not S&M, which involves pain": again would be okay for YOUR OWN ADULT CHILDREN to be involved in BONDAGE & DOMINATION as long it is not SADISM & MASOCHISM, involving pain ? Just let us know with a yes or no please, so we can know where you stand on this ... Maybe you feel that B&D (but maybe not S&M ?) is okay as long it is not adulterous" Really, I was just curious and I see that you answered me right on in your last post: "And why would I care if consenting single/married-to-each-other partners were into B&D, just because I have no interest in it?" So I understood correctly that you are okay with B&D for consenting adults (does this include your adult children ? for them you would approve B&D but not engaging in adultery ? and what about somebody collecting photoes of your adult children engaging in such acts? would it be okay for you once your children are old enough to give their consent ?) but NOT with plain vanilla dating for divorced/widowed parents ? Just let us know CLEARLY your moral opinion on this, you are always so quick to express yourself on any other matter regarding marriage, families and stepfamilies.... About the second statement of your last post: "Scaruso and her husband are in a much better position to judge whether the SS was actually committing a crime than either you or I. " Interesting . If according to you (but not the laws on Minors'Sexual Exploitation) scaruso and her soon to be ex husband are in a much better position than you and me to judge their stepson's porn collection, they are also in a much better position to judge if this young man is mentally ill or not so you had no business in writing in your next to last post (to scaruso) : "Since your H was adopted, he will probably never know the medical history of his parents, which could be relevant to your stepson's behavior. I know you disagree, but there is such a wide range of mental illnesses and behavioral disorders your stepson could be afflicted with. At a minimum, I am relatively certain he could be diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and executive function disorder." So the "incoherency" you accusing me of in your last angry post (you don't like it when somebody does not back off to your prepotence, isn'it) is all yours. Again, as in my last "ranting" post, I must ask you : "are you a trained psychiatrist ? are you licensed to diagnose online ?" Yes or not, please. If not, you are not more qualified than me on discussing this stepson'mental state and anyway, once again scaruso and her soon to be ex husband think he is not mentally ill (as according to you they are the most competent ones). So if scaruso and her soon to be ex are the most competent in ascertaining if this 26 year old is mentally ill and they think he is not, ALL your previous posts on mental illnesses in convicted offenders, serial killers, collectors of child porn -that according to your second to last post, should not be reported but helped by mental health practictioners- DO NOT APPLY HERE: if THIS 26 year old guy is not mentally ill, he can find himself a job, if he is collecting child porn (2 or 1000 photoes makes no difference) he should be in jail and not in a mental hospital... Lastly, i think the majority of posters on this forum see very well that you are ready to embrace any outrageous statement or position just to go against stepparents. I expect your apologies on the "intentional misquoting" (there was no misquoting, intentional or not) and "ranting" otherwise it will be clear to everybody as you are here in bad faith, just to badger and bully people coming on this forum to look for support and advice, kind and polite people that mostly try to ignore you (as I usually do at least when you are not advocating anything illegal, like not reporting the possible sexual exploitation of minors, or dangerous, like getting 8 year old girls sitting on the front seat) or even to be gracious and charitable about your bitterness and scorn.