When I was 20, I briefly dated a guy I worked with. We stopped seeing each other & then I found out I was pregnant. He refused to talk to me about it and had no contact with me. A few months into the pregnancy, my former BF from HS said he wanted to take care of me, get married & be a family. When the baby was born, we put his name on the birth certificate. I know that was wrong but we justified it at the time because we planned on getting married and the bio dad wanted nothing to do with it. (I later found out the bio dad broke up with me because I wouldn't convert to his religion & it was supposedly important to him.) About two months after the baby was born, the BF from HS left me (because the responsibility was too much for him) and when he left, I was pregnant again. (yes, I had very poor judgment and made bad decisions) He never visited or paid support. (he was ordered to pay for both kids, $72 a month each)

When my son was 2, I filed an action to establish his bio dad as his legal dad but because it had been adjudicated in a support case that the other guy was his dad, I could not proceed against the bio dad. Over the years, I have made attempts to get the bio dad to see his son, but he refused.

When my son was 15, he was having problems, including a tumor we found in his jaw and needed surgery. Again, I contacted his bio dad and he first said he would agree to a DNA test, but backed out saying the legal dad was established. So, I again filed a court action to establish him as the father. The law in CA changed so I could file to dismiss against the wrong guy & I did. It took me a year to find him & take DNA but we got it done and on my son's 18th birthday, the order was vacated, including any past support he might owe for my son (he still owes for our daughter). The following day, I went to court in the other case against the bio dad and he tried to get the court to deny my petition for a DNA test because my son was 18. The court ordered the test (because the case was filed when my son was 15) and if he was proved to be the dad, he would have to pay back to the date it was filed.

So, DNA proved he is the dad. Here's the question that the court is deciding as we speak... He has to pay for the last three years but he filed a motion to dismiss the first case and I filed a motion to consolidate both cases. Should he have to pay back to the date of the first case, when my son was 2? at that time (before CA had "guideline" support, I requested he pay $250 a month so that is the most he would have to pay for each month if it does go back)

any opinions?

Do you really need this money, or are you just trying to punish someone and make them pay? Will you really be using the money at this point to support your son? After all, he is grown now.

Your ex-husband, who took the responsibility for being the father voluntarily is more responsible than the walk-away boyfriend from long ago, who never admitted to anything. If you were going to hold him responsible, it should have been done way back when.

I'm not judging you for your past indiscretions. I just think you should consider how much money this would be coming from someone who couldn't even get visitation with his child now if he wanted to, being that your son is 18 now. He did you a favor by not showing up when your child was 10 and trying to take custody from you, so maybe you could give him the same respect and not go after him now.

I also think the CA court is a little out of line to even consider a CS case on a 15yo child and that there should be some sort of statute of limitations on things like this, but such is the way of our crazy laws.

When my son was 2, I tried to take his bio dad to court so he could have visitation and my son wanted to see him. I knew he wouldn't be held financially responsible (because the law wouldn't allow it) and I hoped he would at least want to do a DNA test and see his son. He didn't and I had to let it go until the law changed in 2005.

Fast forward to 2004-05 and my son was diagnosed with a tumor. I contacted his bio dad and asked for his medical history and he first said he wanted a DNA test before he would talk to me. Then backed out, got a lawyer and I had to file a paternity case to try get the info. I wasn't in it for the money at that point (because I didn't know if I could seek money) and I wanted him to get to know his son and for our son to have his medical history (and for him to show some concern for his son regarding the tumor) I have more concern over a stranger's child if they had a tumor or other medical problem than he had over his own son (and he knew it was his son).

And as for showing up when my son was ten to take custody, i wasn't worried about that. When my son was 8, we saw his father and he shunned him. Just turned and walked away. He will probably never get a phone call from his dad and we've accepted that, but my son finished HS early and started college when he was 17. He's in his second year (Jr. College) and wants to transfer to a 4 yr. Anything I get for past support is going to pay for his college and a trust for when he graduates. I've never counted on the money and don't intend to keep any even though I have always worked several jobs to support my kids (so I think I deserve it) and he was given opportunities over the years to find out the truth. He's always known the truth but didn't want to take responsibility. Even when they ordered the DNA test, he tried to get the court to deny my motion because he knew the truth and he was worried it would make him look bad (to his church) that he had an illegitimate child that he refused to acknowledge.

I admit I made the first mistake, but within a few months of my son's birth, I tried to correct it and legally I couldn't and he's used the "legality" to his advantage all these years.