I used to REALLY have a hard time having DD in daycare, but I have gotten much better with it. DD seems to like it and they do lots of neat things there. The bad side is that she has tended to get sick a lot this winter, which I am sure is partly her age and a lot because of being in daycare.

DH used to be adamant that I had to keep working. He is now seriously at the point where he is "ok" with it if I want to quit my job and have DD home with me. He says he has changed his tune because he realizes that happiness is more important than money. The deal is I would still have to work part-time, probably evenings and/or weekends, to make ends meet.

I currently bring home about 50% of our income, so it would be a huge hit financially if I quit. We have done all the math a million times, and with me working and having DD in daycare, I am still bringing home a very healthy paycheck. We also want to have one more child. Even with another child in daycare, I would still be bringing home a good deal of money.

I am SO torn, and do not know what to do. If I quit we would really have to cut back on things. If I keep working, I had thought about getting a different job and I think I would be happier, but if I stay here I am guaranteed 12 weeks maternity leave. If I went to another company, I would have to be there a while to get the 12 weeks maternity leave.

To add another monkey to the wrench, we also want to buy a new house. We have lived in our house for 5 years. It is 26 years old and we have done a LOT of remodeling to it. Even so, there are still many things that will be needing repaired or replaced. If I still worked full-time, we could afford to get a new house. If I did not, that would obviously have to wait. DH and I moved and had to change schools as kids, and it had an effect on us. We both agree that we would rather buy a new house to stay in long term before DD and second child are in school.

So with all my babbling, I hope it all makes sense. I just don't know what to do. I see both pros and cons to my current situation and what things would be like if I quit working full-time. If I stay working full-time we have more money, could buy a new home, and can keep DD's college fund going and we can keep socking away money for retirement too. On the bad side, DD is in daycare, and our lives seem so hectic all the time. If I quit working full-time, we have MUCH less money, finances would be tight, and we could not buy a new house or possibly even the college and retirement funds. On the plus side, DD would not be in daycare, she would be home with Mom, she would probably not get sick as much, etc.

I am usually very good at making decisions, but this one I am so unsure what to do. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

I say go for it! Good luck in your decision.

The grim reality is that your career will probably never recover from this - it may, but don't count on it.

You will suffer culture shock and an identity crisis for the first 2 or 3 years. You are no longer "Jane, working woman." You are NOW "Susie's mother." You will no longer be bringing home a paycheck or contributing financially to the family. Getting used to not having your own money that YOU earned is hard.

I DID get my new house 3 years ago. Was it worth the wait to be able to stay home with DD? You bet!

My suggestion? Live off what your husband makes - use your check to pay off all of your debts except your house & sock the rest of your paycheck (less daycare & job related expenses for you) into savings. That will give you a feel for how it will be & whether that's what you really want to do. It will also give you a pad, so the first couple of years while you're settling into "the lean years" you'll be able to raid the savings account for $50 for groceries to last until payday.

This is a really tough decision. I say if you have your husband's support for the move, seriously consider making it, but realize it's going to be an adjustment for everyone.

Good Luck!

But just as any poverty won't last long, neither will your baby's young childhood. We're talking five years max until a child is in school anyway.

I do applaud you for wanting to take your child out of daycare if at all possible though. In my humble opinion, most kids do eventually "appear" to do well in daycare, and a few really are just fine. But "having fun" and "learning things" is not as important as forming a solid bond with a parent, and that's not possible when the child and parent are hardly ever together. (Not to mention parents can teach their kids and fun with them too!) My kids stay home with their dad, and since I've gone to work our bond is just not the same.

I can't imagine leaving them with a babysitter, as at least staying with their dad still gives my kids a parental bond with someone who really loves them. I find kids who grow up without that bond often seem lost.

Some parents have no choice, but it appears you do. When your kids grow up, what will they remember most? Having a bigger house with plusher carpeting, or a mom or dad who was home with them? What do you think will mean more to them, especially if they're only there to enjoy the fancy house in the evenings or on weekends? I think you know the answer to your question. It's only five short years, and then you can go back to work again.

I would also stop and think about how important family time is to you. Yes, you'll be home more with the kids during the day but if you're working nights and weekends part time, you won't see your husband all that much. You'll be headed off to work when the kids are heading to activities. You'll be at work most of the weekend while the rest of your family is at home or out doing other stuff. I remember just trying to work part time when I was in high school and how little time I was at home with my parents and brother. I felt left out of the loop. It also was a pain when the weekend came and I didn't get to do anything but head off to work. Try adding children and a husband to the picture instead of parents and the family if you ever worked part time before. My MIL used to work a 3-11pm shift at work and it killed her. She didn't get to see her husband that much. He works swing shift and really she only saw him when he was also on 3-11 (he was home while on 11-7, but in bed sleeping until after she'd go into work). She missed being home for supper, in the evenings just to watch tv, seeing her grandkids and doing things during the week. She felt left out quite often and her husband was very lonely at home alone all the time. Your husband will often be getting the meals and caring for your daughter in the evenings. Can he handle doing that himself? (Not saying he can't but there are men out there who don't help at all and are clueless)

The bottome line is the decsion is still totally up to you. You just need to weigh all the facts and decide if you can handle the money situation (it will still be tight if you take a part time job because they don't usually pay all that much and options are limited) and some other changes that will occur. I'm not saying you should not do it but I thought of other things that it seemed others weren't. They were focusing on pretty much all the good aspects but you need to know the bad, too in order to handle this. You can't go into the situation blind. Good luck to you.

~Leslie~

Whatever you decide to do, I am sure that you will raise a happy, healthy well adjusted child - and that's what matters most.