Guidance for a 21 yr old son
texasone
12 years ago
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asolo
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agotracystoke
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Replacing 26YR Old HVAC - need Guidance!
Comments (25)I have 15 SEER Heat pump with vs ahu. propane for stove & water heater. best move I made was getting away from propane for heat. variable speed air handler unit keeps RH between 52-55%. I only hooked up half of my heat strips & only once has vs ahu gone into high speed. both times last winter...when we had 3 weeks of freezing temps. this is where I was heading with you op...but tiger dunes did it very well! just like you want to mastic seal ducts, air seal the ceiling/attic floor before insulating. air will still move from attic into conditioned space through the insulation. this will de-rate the insulation value & not let insulation perform at its R-value. caulk is a great air sealer. buy clear caulk with a long life. btw...lot of difference between 26 year old unit's efficiency & the ones you are choosing between. best of luck....See More23 year old, going thru a divorce wants to date my 16 yr old
Comments (26)I once knew a popular girl in high school (16) who also dated a 23 year old. Then one day she told us she was getting married and Friday was her last day of school(at 16)! We never saw her again. As we graduated and moved on with our lives, every once in a while I would wonder why she was in such a hurry to grow up and how she missed so, so much. Those years were so much fun, especially into the 20's... and I imagined her at 16 living the life of everyone else's mom...doing laundry, cleaning the house, etc. I don't not know if she had kids right away of not. I imagine they lived in some dumpy place because they were too young to have any money, and since she never graduated, I do not imagine that there were any great job offers coming her way. I also imagine at some point she looked back and was furious at her parents for letting her do this, and not stopping her. She had so much going for her, and settled for so little....See MoreHelp...13 yr old 'SD' is tearing us up
Comments (12)I think it's unproductive (not to mention rather sick) to envision the relationship between father and daughter as in any way akin to a relationship between he and "another woman", or even to think in terms of who is "top" or "bottom" on any totem pole. Those things simply are not comparable. I can understand that an SP ---because of their position as the romantic partner of the parent in question--- may tend to view anything or anyone that interferes or comes between or undermines as just as threatening to their partnership as a competing romantic interest. But to really BUY INTO that idea twists and distorts some of these quite common childhood behavioral, disciplinary and yes, expected jealousy issues (on both sides) into something that they're not, something much more sick and intense. And it's simply not the way either the parent or child in question experiences their relationship UNLESS the parent is sexually abusing their child (and sometimes if the child has been sexually abused by someone else). Sadly, that sometimes happens, but unless there is any evidence to believe that, you can be reasonably assured that natural incest taboos tend to prevent parent and child from having or wanting the sort of parallel "partnership" you may think you perceive. It's simply not a competition of that sort. It may be a competition for time and attention and importance, but it's not of the same kind as a romantic love triangle. I believe that this tendency of adults to impose adult desires on children (and other adults) is the reason why some of these common everyday child-rearing problems become so blown out of proportion, and many times so deeply bitter and even unresolvable, especially in blended families. So I say definitely address the basic discipline, manners and expectations issues fully and firmly. Because that's what they are. SD, like all of us, needs to learn how to get by in the world and that means learning some basic manners and rules. She also likely has adjustment issues and probably has resentment for having to share her time with her father, especially after living through the divorce of her parents. That in no way automatically implies that SD wishes to be her father's "partner" or even that she wishes to be "top" on the totem pole, so don't let a presumption of such an attitude on her part lead to a distorted version of that same attitude on your part. SD is likely acting like she wants to be the "top" or "only" person in her Dad's life as an overcompensation from fear (based on divorce) that she will have NO place in his life. This is expected and common, as is some of the acting out. She needs to have it drilled in her head that she is just AS important in his life as ever, and that she is no LESS nor MORE important than you are. Hence she will get nowhere by thinking in terms of "top"/"bottom", who "stays" or who "goes", and neither will you. Don't let yourself be tempted to view it as a competition with sicker overtones than really exist. SD has her specific needs regarding her father, and you have your specific needs regarding the same man, but they are not the same issues. Thus there need not be any automatically adversarial relationship between you and SD. That is key to understanding how to resolve issues in any family, especially blended families. As long as any one person perceives a directly adversarial relationship, it will always imply that a "win" for one is a "loss" for another, and that there is a "top" and a "bottom". That means that there will never be a time when all parties are happy; hence there will always be conflict. When you realize that there's no inherent adversarial relationship and that everyone's needs can be met because they're *different* needs, it eliminates conflict. Just keep reminding yourself and SD are NOT fighting for the exact same things. Her behavior is only a direct threat to you if you perceive and allow it to be....See MoreMy 9yr old SD has hr long crying fits for her pregnant bio-mom
Comments (12)Custody and access are two seperate things. BD has always had joint custody. It's called joint conservators. He has not always had access. He had supervised access. Joint conservatorship basically means we both have exclusive rights and duties to the child. I have two exclusive rights he does not have. The right to designate residence and the right to make educational decisions. We both have the right to seek medical treatment, provide shelter, food and clothing; the right to inform the other conservator of any info concerning health, welfare and education. We both have the right to religious guidance. He has a duty I do not have and that is to provide child support payments in X amount per month. As far as access it's about 60/40 now. It's called expanded standard possession. He has set weekends and days of the week, we split spring break, christmas and thanksgiving. He has superior rights to designate his access during the summer. My access is all other times not outlined as his possession time. Sole custody is extremely hard to get. Even with all of the mess we have been through, bd has always been a joint conservator he just had limited Access for a while. If I had sole custody I would not have to tell him anything about health, school etc. He would not be able to confer with the school. Even with limited access he still had a right to speak to teachers or to get medical records. With expanded standard possession during the school year, on a month with 30 days, Bd has 12 days, I have 18 days. During the summer he averages about 40 total days and I average about 46 give or take a few during a summer break of about 88 days. That almost 50:50 during the summer. Does that make sense?...See Moredreamgarden
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