I realize things are different now in some ways than when i was a teenager, but not THAT different. There were always parents who weren't around or who were but looked the other way or who THOUGHT they knew what their kids were doing but were wrong. There were kids who drank and did drugs and had sex, and kids who didn't. I think this is why it's so important to do one's best to keep the lines of communication open. Easier said than done, I know. My kids are under 10, but i already see that it can be a challenge to get them to talk about what's really on their minds. I do think kids are always being forced/encouraged to grow up faster than they should in some ways--just heard from a friend that her boys' overnight camp had "socials" with the girls' camps--the younger boy is only 8!! I live 4 blocks from a public high school, and a mile from a middle school and a private boys' high school, so i see some of the same stuff pecanpie mentions. My kids will be able to walk to middle school and high school. Because i work from home, i plan to make my house the most welcoming place i can for them and their friends after school! That said, I'm not sure i'm such a fan of the 'hanging out in malls' method of dating. Yes, it means they're in groups and in public--as far as you know! But there are a lot of places to go in malls where you can pair off and no one's really paying attention (you'd be surprised how much can happen in a store fitting room!). Seriously, i think someone already said, where there's a will, there's a way, and sometimes it's even worse in a group b/c there's more peer pressure, whereas if the kids are one-on-one, maybe they can relax and be themselves a little more (of course, depends on the kid). otoh, maybe they'd be more awkward together b/c of not being used to being left alone! I must confess that i went on my first date at age 14, with a 16-yr-old boy who drove. My parents had met the boy and his parents before the date (but if they hadn't, they still would've okay'd it). He still got the usual grilling when he picked me up at their house, and i got the grilling when i got home (not too late, either!). When you have to meet the parents and chat with them, i think somehow it instills a little more fear/respect that someone's monitoring the situation. This doesn't usually happen when you're meeting a group at the mall--anyone can show up, and you may not have met half the kids. I also think that letting them go on a date is a very individual decision, depending on the maturity of the teen and how much you feel you can trust them. If you've discussed the situation thoroughly with them and think they're mature enough to make the right decisions about it, it shows that you trust their judgment, and if they feel trusted, maybe they're less likely to want to betray that trust (or they'll feel darn guilty about it, if they do). My parents were maybe a little unusual in that they're pretty far apart in age, my mom started dating fairly young and married young (though not so young for the time), while my dad married a bit on the older side. Thus, my dating at that age, and dating older boys, didn't seem unusual to them (or to me). Again, i think it depends on the individual situation and certainly if the teens themselves indicate they don't feel ready, there's no reason to do it, but also letting them go on a date doesn't mean there are no limits put on their behavior.

Ok. Ik that this is like 10 years late but I'm 15 and I am dating a 13 year old boy that is about to turn 14 in August. There is nothing wrong with either of us. The reason I like him is because he has been my friend for a while and we just became really close and now we are together. Idk how mature I am but all my friends like him and my mom is absolutely fine with it and is super supportive. His parents are also okay with the age difference. My aunt was reading through this and told me that they should get feedback from the perspective of someone actually in this situation so I made an account just to comment on this. We really like each other and tomorrow is our 7 month anniversary so we have been together for a while. We like each other and that is all that matters. We also respect each other and have boundaries and we make sure that we are both ready for everything that we do. So anyone that sees this give kids a chance because you never know, it could end up lasting their whole life or being a heartbreak(but either way they will have ally more broken hearts). People say that they don't know what a girl could see in a boy that much younger but he is nice, respectful, cute, funny, polite, honest, mature, athletic, smart, he has pretty eyes, a good kisser, caring, encouraging, supportive and over all a good person. So anyone out there that thinks it is bad is stupid because clearly every situation is different with different people but some of them are good and good things come out of it when others are bad. But it is still possible to have a good, fun, and healthy relationship at this age with a gap in the ages. Give people a chance cause you only live once and you never know until you try cause we plan to be together forever and idk if it's really gonna happen but it might and if it does then all of this drama and debate was worth it in the end and I hope this helps at least one person cause I took time and effort to write this. Ugggghhhhh idk why people jump to conclusions about things. It's so annoying and it makes me so mad because I am personally in a situation like this and people can't say anything about it until they have been in the persons shoes and knows how they feel and what they are thinking so just think about it and give people a chance. Not all age differences are a bad thing and if it doesn't work out then it's just another lesson learned and you can move on with life because no matter what the ages of peopl in a relationship are there will be some good ones and some bad ones to follow so F off all you haters and judgers.

Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I'm the parent of a teen son. ;o) My oldest turned 15 this month. It is taking me forever to post to this thread b/c I have so much to say I don't know where to start! And now I've got a lot on my mind, and I've had coffee too late at night, so you are in for it this time! LOL! This might be a book. It's not exactly fear that I feel about raising teens, but it is challenging. Makes me appreciate the simplicity of potty training! I'm just getting started, too, there are 3 more lined up behind him, every 3 years. So a year from now I'll have 2 teens, and soon enough they'll be 19, 16, and 13... and 10, so it looks like I'm here for a while! (That is what the PTAs see in me, "Oooo! She's gonna be here for years! Let's get her!") What have I done to myself!?! The food bill alone is giving me gray hairs, the boundaries navigation is going to make me insane. We don't parent with a Rule Book. But a set of standards and expectations guides us: respect, responsibility, honesty. DS is a sophomore, he has a girlfriend of, oh, about 4 months now. Started at school, classes together, phone calls, IM-ing. Once summer break started, they wanted to spend some fun time together. She comes here, they go to our neighborhood pool; he goes there and to her family's church for the weekly teen night. They are never alone, in private. (Ha, here they also have the company of not only me, but 3 younger siblings, who can be an excellent obstacle to privacy! LOL) A few times a parent has dropped them off for a move, ice rink, etc. for a couple hours. Public places of amusement, no "just hanging out," the mall is not OK with me, I think they need to have a plan for what they are going to do with their time. I limit it to twice/week, just b/c I don't think they need to spend all their free time with each other; they should have time to hang out with friends, family, and just by themself. DS also has summer reading requirements for his honors lit class, so he has school priorities even now. So I'm really good with how this is going for now. Tonight, my reason for being out so late.... he got a message from her that she and a friend, and her boyfriend, were going to the movie at 10:00. I agreed to drop him off and come back b/c the theatre is at the front of our subdivision (it's not even a bad walk in good weather) and I knew we'd be up anyway. As we pulled into the parking lot, she called to say she misunderstood, her friend's dad was taking them to a different theatre, 15 minutes away. So, figuring it was too late to catch them in time, we came home. Then she called again, said we can wait for next show at 10:45. Well, this is late, won't let out til after midnight. But I agreed as long as he didn't have a problem with me staying and watching the movie too - in a distant seat ;o) B/C it would be a waste of my time/gas to go back home when I needed to be back less than 90 minutes later, and it was just so late. That was my compromise, he took it. I agree with the idea of noticing opportunities to share our values and "wisdom" with our kids. The fancy word for that in my education classes was "teachable moments." Teachable moments are very important to me. There is a corrolary, sometimes we get opportunities to learn about our kids, and we need to watch and listen and learn who they are and where they are going. Tonight I felt like I had one of those. Ended up being out later than I wanted either of us out, further from home that I wanted to be, not reading a book and soaking in my tub like I planned to be. ;o) But I observed the teen social life and now know better what to teach my son (in the morning!). The friend his GF was with also met her boyfriend there. Turns out he was older, driving, and with 2 carloads of friends. Which means some of them had to be 18 to be driving at night with other teens, legally. I didn't know any of them, other than just recognizing faces from the neighborhood or subbing at the HS. They were well-mannered enough in the movie, I didn't observe any inappropriate behavior. But outside, one sat on the curb smoking. They all drove off leaving the younger girls standing there waiting for the dad to pick them up. If I had not been there w/DS, those 15 y/o girls would have been standing there for 20 mins alone, after midnight. Weekday night, there was no one else outside the theatre. So DS stood there w/the girls while I sat in the van at the curb. Once the ride was there, his girlfriend came to my window and thanked me profusely. The dad picking up late said nothing to me, didn't even look at me. As we drove away, I asked DS the obvious question, "So Kristy's boyfriend is older than her, huh? Did you know him before tonight? Did you know any of his friends with him?" He said, "No, but I can't believe he didn't wait for Kristy's dad to get here. That was weird, what a jerk." (Good boy! LOL.) Tomorrow I plan to have a conversation about knowing what is going on better before he agrees to go somewhere. It's not just cuz I'm nosey, but b/c he can't vouch for the behavior of people he doesn't know. He needs to make himself more informed, so he has all the information to make the best choices. We can just never have enough conversations with the kids, can we? That is one thing that boggles my mind. I feel like I have so much to tell him, to talk to him about, to ask him... so many conversations to have. Yet if we parents talk too much, they block it out anyway. I have to think hard, to choose the words carefully so I get in what I need him to hear before he stops listening. Make my point before he tunes me out. Make every word a valuable one, so he knows when I'm talking it's something he should listen to, not another Rant From Mom. I think I will be so much more confident and prepared when the rest are teens, but I bet they throw their own surprised in just to keep me on my toes. I am aware that they are watching their brother now, so what happens now sets the bar for the future. If it's true that we learn to parent from our parents, I had a good education. My parents were great. I was minimal trouble as a teen, good student, worked, volunteered, studied/practiced my music. I didn't even taste alcohol until I was 20, never tried a cigarette, much less any illegal substance. My friends were the same way. I was a questioning kid, would defy a rule I thought was without merit. But my parents didn't really make that kind. When I refused to attend church at 15, mom fussed a little, but they just went without me. My cousins caused a lot of trouble, from bad grades to teen pregnancy to arrests. They had a lot of priveleges, and distracted parents who made up for it with more priveleges. We're all adults now, and they have turned out fine, no one is still causing trouble. They just took the longer road to find their way. Now when we talk about growing up, they will say the always envied my brother and me because they wanted parents like ours. Even though there were more limits at our house, they loved to spend weeks with us in the summer b/c they knew the limits, they felt safe there, like someone was paying attention. One cousin told me that now that she is a parent, she looks to my mom as her example, not her own. As kids, I would never have guessed my cousins felt that way. I woudln't have thought it now, either, if they didn't say it. But since they have, I see it looking back. Even the one who caused the most trouble, never gave Aunt Susie trouble, he wouldn't have wanted to disappoint her, she believed in him. It is sweet to know now that my own mother was the stable factor in our whole family. So if I learned from that, that is a very good thing. I commented to them that my mom has always had higher expectations of my that she does of anyone else. It was a whine, sometimes that has gotten to me over the years. But my cousin responded that I was lucky, because it is so much harder when your mom doesn't have any expectations of you at all. Made me think about what expectations I put on my kids. She's right, it's better to have high, but reasonable, expectations for your kids to live up to than none at all. My expectations come right back to the standards I try to set: respect, responsibility, honesty. Among all my old and made up Mom-isms, I repeat to them often "Behave in a way that makes you proud of yourself." Oh, and this Friday I agreed to chaperone a small group of friends at the pool, pizza, b-day cake. I let DS to the inviting, but the parents who I do not know well called me so find out what was going on, if I would be there, what they should expect. I was happy about that. So I'm going to get another learning opportunity, but this time with kids my son does know well. I do like his choices in friends, and he is always comfortable with me meeting them and their parents. Maybe that's just b/c he knows he doesn't have a choice anyway. ;o)

Hate to say it, but I agree you have already been told by this man that he does not want any more children - ever. Though they say vasectomies are reversible, it does not always work. If you want a child of you own in the future, Walk Now. Further more, any bond that you thought you had with this child was that of a care giver and not that of a parent in this child's eyes. Yes he may care of you. But for a child - at the age of 5, to state to you that 'he was talking to daddy and not you', and is already questioning your authority as to being able to give instructions, he is telling you that you are NOT his parent and he knows it. While I agree with others that he is being a boy and wanting to spend time with Dad is natural, these other behaviors are not. This child already is stating that you are an interloper in his eyes and if you have the child work experience you state, you would recognize his behavior as being confrontational. It is so easy to idealize a parent child relationship. It is also easy to idealize the step family - take it from me, most of us Stepparents started out like that! But reality is starting to set in for you. The baby is now starting to grow and things are going to change with him as you are going to deal with him feeling you are taking his Dad away etc. If you stay with this man, I would recommend counseling for the family unit and yourself for the grief you will need to work through for not having your own biological child that you want so badly.