Those kids sure are wonderful. A few now live out of state, but when home to visit, always come by to check on the garden and see what new plants have been added off the list. The extra marigolds from the originals found homes in my daughter's apt back porch. Yellow and orange that my mom used with her tomatoes to keep the bugs from gettting them. My son, who lives in Kentucky, has some chinese forget me nots, malva zebrina, and a few others in pots on a patio garden. My sister and brother prefer to just buy from the nursery, but they do buy some of the plants that my mother grew. Linda, the funny story with those victorian ornaments is that I would never in a million years have had them in my yard. I always thought "it just isn't me", yet I have my own craft business that is mainly hand thread crochet victorian Xmas tree ornaments. I would put out things like the ducks, the bunnies, a cat, but nothing like those. In the spring of 2002, I took them all out of the cellar to put in the memorial garden and their wasn't really enough room for the one with the gazing ball, so she got moved to another spot. They grew on me over that summer and now I love them. Must be that I'm just getting old or something strange. Alberta, you could do what I have done in memory of my grandfather. I grew up with my grandparents on a summer veggie and flower farm. He would plant at least 100 tomato plants. Nothing including severe water bans would stop him from watering those toms of his. One summer, we had such a severe drought that all water usage outdoors was banned and you could be arrested for using any. He was jumping out of his skin over those tomatoes of his. So he rigged this elaborate siphoning system from the bathtub to hoses that went out the bathroom window and long enough to reach all the plants of his. Every time someone took a shower, and there where 7 of us, we had to plug the tub so water would collect in the tub. then when it was full, he would drain the water and water his tomato plants. He rigged another hose to the line from the portable dishwasher to a huge rain barrel and a syphon in there too. All the water from the dishwasher was used on those tomato plants as well. He didn't loose a plant and we had an abundance of tomatoes, but nothing else. So what I have done since I started gardening over 30 years ago is put an American flag in one of my pots that have my tomatoes in them. He was an Army vet from World War 1 and worked with the military during world war 2. It makes me feel close to him all the time. Put a flag beside some of your bleeding hearts. Fran

Awful. Avoidable. Sorry for your community's loss. Hopefully this brings awareness to drivers. Our city is in the midst of connecting/ building a 100 mile greenway loop for bicyclists (some of which will be bike lanes inshared roadways) as well as a 75+ mile trail connecting mt. biking and cyclocross trails. Trust me these can not come soon enough! Most drivers in this city do not respect cyclists or give us the necessary space. I have had numerous close calls. While we were dating, My husband was involved in a collision where someone sideswiped him and left him for dead! Thankfully he only broke his collarbone and cracked two ribs and had bruises etc. But the jerk driver didn't stop and just kept going. He/she was never caught. I often wonder if they even tried to follow up to see if they killed a person that day! In my hometown the former miss america of 2000 or some year give or take a two who married the lt. Governor actually killed a cyclist. Her interviews after the fact horrified me. The guilt she lives with daily... I cant imagine. The incident enraged the cycling community as many thought the police report was written with an anti cyclist bias and "celebrity" leniency. Still the cyclist had some blame as she wasn't wearing a helmet... We need to all be more aware. I love the "icky" reminder!

Sounds like fun! Something we've done for several parties is to cook up a selection of sausage bites (chicken apple/sweet Italian/Sun dried tomato) etc. We've particularly loved serving Bruce Aidell's, but you can find great varieties everywhere. So we pre-cook, and serve in a chafing dish with toothpicks and 3 selections of dipping mustards (whole grain, honey mustard, horseradish). They go like hot cakes every time for adults and kids. Stuffed mushrooms are always another big hit and easy to do in quantity. I've done crab stuffed, cheese stuffed, sausage stuffed. It's all good. Another idea that serves a crowd is a carving station. For New Year's, we did tri-tip roasts with little rolls on the side and horseradish sauce. I've also pictured doing a ham with little biscuits and selections of spreads and chutneys to go with it. And as mentioned above, a large smoked salmon with creme fraiche and red onion. It's all the little sauces and choices that make it seem so elegant. Don't forget a large cheese and fruit tray (and I don't mean cubes ;-), with large triangles of a wonderful blue, aged goat, or even a tete de moine (with a girolle!), perhaps with quince paste and honey and a cracker selection. As a side note, we're having a Sweet 16 for our daughter this weekend, but we're going the bonfire route. There will be the standard fare available by the fire including dogs, s'mores etc. Then in the kitchen we'll have finger foods such as ravioli/marinara, shrimp cocktail, veggies, that sort of thing. I'm also setting up a hot chocolate bar as it's supposed to be in the low 40's later in the evening, so I'll have teens in and out. As mentioned a few times above, just having stations even for the lowly hot dog turn it into a fun and elegant affair. I would love to see what James Beard would do with a hot dog station! Anyway, it sounds like a lot of fun, a definite challenge and a chance to show off your cooking skills!

I once heard (I think it was in a song), that "Love is not a feeling, it's an act of the will". Being "in love" is an immature physical/emotional response that happens when you meet someone, and they give you the 'warm fuzzies'. LOVE, the stuff that keeps you going when your world is falling apart. It's what keeps a couple together when one has suffered a tragic dibilitating accident, or is facing rounds of chemo and radiation. It's what makes a person willing to make tremendous self sacrifices, in order to see that the person they love has what they need...the parent who skips meals to allow their hungry child to have extra when there isn't enough food (third world countries)...the person who risks their own life to protect someone who is persecuted (think of during the hollocost...the ones who risked their lives to save the jewish people who were being persecuted)...the man who works eighty hours a week, in order to pay his child support and still allow his new wife to keep her dream of staying home with the baby (THANK HUBBY!!). It's the mother who spends the night holding her sick child even though she has puke on her slippers and her legs are cramping from not being able to move (Thanks mom!). It's the man that spent twenty years twisting wrenches, to keep his family housed and fed, it's what kept that same man doing it, even when the arthritis set in or his knuckles bled from scraping them while fixing cars, or that time he grounded an electrical short in a motor through his wrist watch, welding it to his flesh. Gruesome but true. (Thanks dad...) LOVE is not a feeling. It's what's left after the honeymoon is over, the warm fuzzies have faded. After you've come to realize that that little thing he does really ISN'T cute. After he's come to realize that you (leave the dishes in the sink for three days at a time, stay on the computer until midnight, sometimes annoy the heck out of him...) It's being WILLING to look past the other persons faults and realizing that your life wouldn't be as fulfilling, as meaningful, if that person wasn't in it. It's making a choice, a decision, to do what makes THEM happy, even if it doesn't make you happy, because it will make THEIR life richer. Falling 'in love' is what brings people together, but it's making the choice to develope that into real LOVE, and then acting on that choice, that keeps them there. Maybe that's why so many people divorce. That fuzzy feeling fades and they decide they want out. Maybe I'm lucky. I grew up with both my parents, and they have both demonstrated real love, both for each other and for us, throughout our lives. The personal selfsacrifice for the betterment of others. It's funny, in a sad sort of way, but it seems to me that there would be a lot less people on here if there was more REAL love in our homes. When there is love, there isn't room for selfishness. These dads...who want to be a father to all of their children, not just the ones from their current relationship...that's love. They understand that fighting for access or custody could cause them financial ruin, and that it can make their adult relationships more difficult, especially if they don't have an understanding partner, but they are willing anyway, because they know that their childs life will not be as rich, as rewarding, as fulfilled, if they grow up without one of their parents. Any partner of a parent needs to understand that their partners life won't be as rich, as rewarding, as fulfilled, if they are denied the ability to parent their child. It shouldn't matter if it makes it harder for you, LOVE isn't about you. It's about him, or her, or them. You SHOULD love your children, and you can, because it IS a choice, an 'act of the will'. As a parent or step-parent you aren't called to LIKE your children all the time, heck, you aren't even called to like your SPOUSE all the time, but you are called to LOVE them. And you can...because it's a decision. Read "Words of Hope" by Bananarama...I'm pretty sure she didn't always like the kids, but she decided to LOVE them...and look, twenty years later that love is being returned in multiple, through both 'her' children and now grandchildren. Love is working through the hard times to get to the better...no matter how far off it seems. And the funny thing is...the more you give that type of love away, not worrying about your own wants, the more of it you give...the more it's returned. Trinkets and toys, money, a bigger house, a newer car, a life with someone who never challenges you to step outside your comfort zone, never asks you to become a better person, that maybe tidy, easy, comfortable, but it will never bring lasting happyness. Loving someone may not give you a 'tidy life', but it will give you a life worth living. My life with(out) step-children is hard, messy, ugly, stressful, draining...I can admit that...but at the same time, pouring my life, my very soul into those I love, my husband, my son, my stepkids, that is what makes my life ultimately fulfilling. When I am (hopefully) old, I would rather die, knowing that, with love, I have enriched the lives of those around me, than die, knowing that I lived only for myself, and left noone who will celebrate my life or mourn my death. They say the best way to love your children is to love their other parent. If you have a child of your own, with your current partner, but you are unwilling to love your partner in the way he needs and deserves (such as encouraging and supporting him in his desire to parent his other children) then in reality, by not showing love to your spouse, you are not loving your own child. It's something worth thinking about. Verena