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Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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Posted by schnitzel (My Page) on Fri, Jan 27, 06 at 7:41
| We have/had a very close loving wonderful relationship with our 13 year old daughter. I feel she is starting to pull away from us. She gets irritated when you just ask simple questions about her day at school. She is just generally secretive about her life now. Goes in her room when she talks on the phone and the computer is the way to communicate with her friends mostly. She is impatient & mouthy with us when we try to talk to her. Luckily, She is not boy crazy however, but I hope that isn't around the corner. She gets all A's and is vice president of her school. I take away the computer when she is gets to big for her britches, then she comes back down to earth for a day. Oh gosh, I feel like my little girl is gone forever and it makes me sad. Advice here, greatly appreciated. |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| I hope the computer isn't in her room... that can be dangerous as there internet predators just waiting for a 13 year old girl to come on line and chat with them. That being said, I remember being 13 and acting exactly like that. I was horrible! It is such a complex time because you aren't quite a full-fledged teenager, and you aren't really a kid anymore. This is the beginning of that part of parenthood when we need to start letting go, a little bit. Keep a close eye on her, her friends, and her habits. She is probably just going through a normal phase of growing up and testing her limits. Make sure has limits, rules, etc. and stick with them. Make sure you let her know how much you love her and that you are always available to talk about anything. I really wish I could've been more open with my mother at that age, and if you let her know you are there to listen, maybe she will open up a bit more. |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| I have a 13 year old girl, too. Mine still talks to me about most things. I try to spend some one on one time with her almost every week. We bond with some retail therapy and lunch. It keeps us close. |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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She is just acting normally. Don't try to invade her privacy....but I agree the computer should not be in her room, or you should periodically check the cache to see where she's been.
This new independance is what you want to achieve! At 13 she should be thinking about breaking away, she is no longer your little girl, and that's healthy!
As my grandmother used to say "she's begun climbing fools hill" and she won't reach the other side until she's about 19 or 20. That's just how kids grow up!
And as barnmom says, retail therapy helps.
Linda C |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| I totally agree with retail therapy. My DD and I would go to the mall every Saturday. Sit in the foodcourt, eat and people watch. You can learn a lot about your kid listening to them bash on other people. Hair styles, clothes, not mean stuff. My DD is now 25 and we still do it from time to time. |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| The things that turned my teenage boys off were prying, judging and lecturing. The more you ask, the less they tell. Many times when they did talk, they were not asking my opinion or advice, they just wanted to have someone listen. I tried to wait for them to come to me rather than quiz them about what's going on. I know it's sad when children start to distance themselves from us, but it is very natural for them to want to become more independent as they grow up. My kids were never rude to me or nasty, but I know two mothers who tolerate this from their kids. Retail therapy doesn't help with boys, but food does. Eating out or special meals. |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| OUr daughter had a delayed breaking away. I thought I lucked out having her so close during her teens, but now in her early 20's she has completely changed. My boys have gone through difficult times and come back around to being loving and nice to be with. About the only thing I know to do is to hang in there! Teenagers can be such a challenge. |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| I feel your frustration...and sadness. Always a well behaved kid, my DD is VERY well liked by kids as well as teachers and family members. She's friendly, outgoing, and kind. ... Elsewhere..... At home she is a chameleon. She'll be 'my daughter' for anywhere from a day to a couple of weeks. Then suddenly, she's sullen, easily angered, private and a stranger, for a few days. I worry about her constantly. Then I talk to people I work with and they assure me that they've all gone through the same things with their daughters. It's all 'normal'. They're creating the necessary distance they need to grow up. My DD started the pushing away phase this year. It was SO hard....on me! It's sad, but once you get past the hurt feelings (as unrealistic as they are) you'll be okay. Kids have to do this...and you just need to be there WHEN THEY NEED YOU...not when you need them. Just be there. The one area I still regulate with an iron fist is the computer. She has access to everything she needs/wants, but I don't allow visiting friends blogs (too obscene as anyone can post on them) and I don't allow AIM/Messenger/chatting. It's too easy for kids to get carried away when chatting online, and for things to be said that normally wouldn't be. Feelings get hurt, clashes occur, cliques form, etc....being a teen is hard enough...they don't need that extra source of stress. When I feel she's mature enough, then I'll allow these things. She has to prove to me that she's ready. Be patient...
Understand it's not personal...
Give them space... Although I don't care for some of the language in it, there is a good book called "Get out of my life!...but first can you take Cheryl and I to the mall?" This book is great....I had many "Aha!" moments while reading it. Good luck... |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| I have two daughters, the first was NO problem growing up. An absolute pleasure to be around............til she got 17 1/2, then all hell broke loose. she is now 21, and things have not calmed down yet. Had a nervous breakdown over it too. Second daughter is 16 and has been a tuff one to handle for a couple of years now. She does still confide in me, telling me more than I want to know sometimes, then other days she is so mean I can't stand it. It is all about to get me down. |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| It's All normal, I am Still a young adult, and have my teen years fresh in my memories. I was an early bloomer and a Daddy's Girl, I started getting snotty around 11 or 12. If you still Bring her to a Pediatritcan(That is how you spell it right? no kids of my own yet), you might want to sit her down and ask if she would like to see a regular Family doctor, thats what my mother did with me, it really helped. I was also Homeshooled all the way through school so i was really close with my parents anyway. I also went through a Really Rebellious stage around 15, but it ended when i got into a car accident, it pretty much "sobered" me up. LOL! |
RE: Yikes, please help me out with the teenager thing: DAUGHTER!
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| It's normal and it's hard. Since you've been close you'll continue to be close, it will just look different and feel different sometimes. Read: "painful & frustrating & confusing." The worst is it's that way for both of you yet you must live together, find new ways to show love, and struggle to communicate. I have a 14 yr old daughter & for me it helps to read, to talk with other mothers of teens, and to be ready to listen no matter what, any time & any place. Tough, inconvenient, but well worth it. And downright amusing at times! Luckily one thing my daughter & I share is an irreverent sense of humor. When you find the tie that binds, treasure it! Another thing: there's secretive & there's secretive... Which one is it? Teens need their privacy but there's a secrecy beyond this that would cause me concern. |
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