It will work if you do it right. Just because something is no or low maintenance in its current state doesn't mean people want to live with it. It just means whatever ugly is going on will continue to look perfectly ugly indefinitely.

Cabinets see wear. Whether they are painted or not painted, they're still going to get worn and used. Worse case is the cabinet doors/drawers you use most often, that will see the most wear, will have to get a refresher coat in a couple years. Buy extra paint and store it properly in case cosmetic intervention is needed down the road.

Not painting them because they might chip and look bad is a valid concern, but if you think they already look bad now as they are albeit for different reasons, what's the diff?

I hit submit and didn't mean to...

Here's a Cabinet Painting How-To. Brushworks (he posts here) wrote it. I just made it pretty and put it on Squidoo. It used to live someplace else, but I had to move it to Squidoo.

I would choose Cabinet Coat for the melamine cabinets. You just need to clean, sand, clean and Cabinet Coat. I wouldn't prime them.

http://stainmasterpaint.com/viewProd.asp?prodID=180

Here is a link that might be useful: Brushworks Cabinet Painting How-To

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm going to find some Cabinet Coat tomorrow!