I probably have every card sent to me and family for ...who knows how long..doesn't seem right to throw them away. Everything I keep brings back memories. I am definitely the family historian. Now there's something I do acquire,,,genealogy & family history type items, paper, books, etc., almost all the papers my kids ever had from school, most all good toys kids had(they're 29 & 30), etc.

I love magazines and spend way to much money on them. I don't have intentions of collecting them but have a hard time throwing away...because they cost so much and someday I might need to find something in them!

I don't hoard food. As a matter of fact I never seem to have things to fix for meals and therefore we eat out or carry-in.

Have hard time throwing away mail...cause I might find out it is something we "need." That's the make phrase..."I might need it someday." Or "someone could get some use from this." I rationalize every thing that it shouldn't be waisted.

Anyone relate to me??

He saves all the cards and letters, intending to answer them all, but there are so many he becomes paralyzed. He never answers any of them.

Most cards are just cards - they really aren't precious. Letters I might save.

Magazines are just magazines - that information is also available on the internet. And I dare you to find a 5 year old magazine you searched for to find some remote article you may have once had an interest in. I'm certain you can't.

Junk mail is fricking JUNK, don't allow it in your house!

So yes, I do relate, but not in the form you're searching for - I'm on the other side. I live with someone who would save every mailed offer for life insurance, even though we DON'T NEED life insurance! And if I give up MY stuff to make room for ME, all he does is fill it up with CRAP.

So, while I live with someone with tendencies like you, and I do sympathize a small bit, you need to evaluate, and possibly change. This is a slippery slope towards hoarding, and it's really easy to slip over the edge.

I myself keep cards for a month or two, then give them to a friend who takes them to the nursing home. The residents make beautiful paper Christmas ornaments from them.

I agree with Mary_C. If you have a pile of magazines, how are you going to wade through all of them to find the one article you're looking for? If I really need to save an article, I tear it out of the magazine and put it into a file folder or three-ring binder. Then I can find it again.

When I read a magazine, I actually take notes. I think of it as a salvage mission. I only want to keep what I truly need, and get rid of the rest. I write down anything that catches my interest: book titles, internet links to investigate, recipes, etc. I might tear out a recipe or an entire article, if it's worth saving. When I'm done reading the magazine, I recycle it or leave it in a waiting room.

If you're worried that you're not going to "get your money's worth" out of the magazines, maybe you're better off not buying them at all. Read magazines for free at the library, then you won't have any money invested in them. And you won't have to store them after you've read them.

Lately, I have asked my husband to decide whether he's ever going to read those books on the shelves ever again, or are they better donated to the library book sale? After all, we can borrow virtually any book we want if we use the inter-library loan system. If it's not at our library, we might be able to find it somewhere else in the system. He is able to decide to keep the books that are irreplaceable, but not the ones that are already at the library. Progress. It makes it easier for us to find the books we DO want to read again. They don't get lost in the clutter of books that don't interest us as much.

As for junk mail, how often has something you saved actually ended up in the hands of a person who needed it? Examine your track record, and that can be your guide as to whether you ought to keep the mail that ended up at your house only because someone purchased a list with your name on it. If you have a relationship with the company, that's another matter. You probably ought to keep statements for the standard seven years, then discard them.

Only a couple of days ago, I dragged out a box of papers that are about ten years old. Many of the accounts have been closed. Why keep it? Even the IRS won't hold us accountable. So I am going to keep shredding until they are gone, and use the shreds out on the lawn to enrich the sandy soil.

Sorry to be so long-winded, but I think it comes down to this: Do your beliefs about stuff and your household organization habits help you to reach your goals? What are your goals? What makes you happy? If it's not going to lead to happiness, you might want to reconsider a particular idea or action.

In my own case, I have decided that less stuff to look at = less to think about. For me, simplicity = greater happiness. You might make different decisions about what to keep than I might. You might value having the stuff around to touch with your hands more than I might. You might wish to be surrounded by familiar things to feel security, and that is perfectly OK.

It is your life, and it is your stuff. Do whatever makes you happiest. :-)

There's an easy way to contain all that stuff. The things that are "memory stuff" are DEAD. Most of your house should be for LIVING. Designate one--ONLY one--area of your house for memories. Choose the things that matter most to you, and donate, sell (BOTH of these IMMEDIATELY), or throw away the rest.

You don't want to waste things? Fine. Neither do I. Our family of four generates two kitchen-sized trash bags of stuff per week--that's it. But the rest FINDS A HOME. When we donate, other people can enjoy our stuff, and we get $$$ of our taxes, too. When we eBay, we get money back from our stuff. Good toys do no one any good sitting around. Make a very small selection of the best and give the rest to people who will care for them. That way, your toys can bring wonderful memories to even MORE people.

When you start thinking how "you might need" junk mail someday, you've got a problem. You're hoarding trash. Get rid of it.

You don't have to ditch everything, but confine yourself to one small spare bedroom or, even better, a single closet.

I have a system where I try the recipe from the handwritten or torn-out-of-a-magazine recipe, then if we decide that the recipe is a "keeper," I type it up in the word processor. That way, I can reprint pages after several handwritten changes have been made to the recipes on each page.

My little sheaf of "magazine notes" certainly takes up a lot less space than the magazines they came from. And when I'm done perusing my notes, the papers get shredded.

And that brings me to my comments:

If you can organize the paper items you like to keep, and they're not just crammed into boxes and paper bags or stacked on end tables and counters, that's a good thing. But have you thought about the magazines this way: When "someday" comes, how much time will you have to invest in finding what you want in them? The other posters are on the right track there.

Also, I think there's probably a correlation between your desire to keep certain things and rationalizing behavior and your meal situations, no? A little portion of the amount of time you spend rationalizing on why to keep something could be redirected to planning for a few home-cooked meals a week. It might be that you're so focused on the "what ifs" that you miss some of the "right nows." (Unless you and your significant other just love to eat out frequently and try new places; and in that case, well, eat on!)

But one really good thing? Most hoarders don't even recognize that there COULD be something weird in their behavior. And you're not there yet!

as far as the geneology stuff, if you are really going to do something with it..fine..keep it ..or some of it that is important, in totes.

as far as the cards..go through them and keep only the really important ones, in an old card box..toss the rest..yes toss them..they are not that important girl.

magazines..once you have read through them..thumb through for coupons or articles you really must save..for whatever reason..and toss the entire rest of the magazine..keep the articles in a file cabinet and use the coupons to buy that food you need.

please throw away any mail that you are not going to act on immediately..esp catalogs..as you really won't need it..in 2 weeks you'll get another catalog..if not..save that catalog and when the new one comes from that co..throw the old one..yes they do sell out of things.

honestly..you show severe signs of becoming one of "those people"..so stop it right now !

Recognizing that your actions are problematic is a start. Speaking of my own newspaper clipping habit, I realize it's not sustainable. Stopping is another question entirely.

I realize that my collecting/hoarding actions compensate for something else in my life that I can't control. Mostly that has to do with time. I plan to write a book, but I don't have time to do it just yet, and I might need the stuff in these clippings "someday." Or it has to do with the level of control I have over my environment... I hold on to home decorating magazines that will help to make decisions "someday" when we actually finish the house renovation to the point where we will be decorating.

One thing that helped in some areas (like scavenging for stuff I might "someday" use in the yard) was that the "someday" actually arrived. My husband finally stopped complaining and pitched in and did something - we made a plan, spent the money on materials, spent the time doing it, and voila - with most of my stuff I was able to either use it as planned, or see definitively that I wasn't going to use it, and thus get rid of it without regrets (craigslist was an enormous help here, enabling me to get most of it to appreciative homes).

If you can make some of your "somedays" arrive, you may find the need for some of your collections just disappears. Or maybe you can at least identify what your "somedays" are and make a plan for when they do arrive (eg kids leaving home), then you are at least plotting a course out of it.

Another thing that I know handicaps me in stopping is that I can't get rid of things until I know exactly what I've got. So I need a place for it where I can collect and sort it, and then I can make rational decisions what to discard. Let's say it's HD flyers or something in your case - don't just stash them wherever (which we tend to do when we feel bad about what we collect), but rather give them a place in your house, file them in sequence, and then keep only a year at a time. That might still shock a lot of people, but if it's what you need to do to survive and plot your way out, so be it. We all have our weaknesses.

Part of the process has to be just forgiving yourself for what you do, and accepting that it is what you have to do survive whatever other challenges you face. For me, forgiving myself is a first step to dealing with any excesses I'm indulging in. I find the urges subside a bit when I just accept them in myself. It's like an acknowledgement, and maybe it's something in short supply in your life - I know it is in mine. The least we can do is give it to ourselves.

Specifically, kids school/artwork and magazines can be difficult. I'm currently trying to figure out how to deal with my rather extensive collection of gardening magazines. I fortunately have stopped buying them, but getting rid of them is another question entirely. I've tried just ripping out the ad pages so I still have the articles and that does reduce the volume by about one fifth, but man is it time consuming, and four fifths of the volume is still a lot of magazines. Other kinds of magazines I just tear out the articles or pictures I want to keep - I have file folders or just baskets for these - and recycle the rest. I rationalize wrecking what is otherwise perfectly good reading material for someone else on the basis that it is good for the economy to stimulate the purchase of new magazines rather than to flood the market with old ones.

Kids schoolwork, if the teacher assigned it and it is a teacher-designed activity, I reason that there is no real personal reflection of the child in it, and I can mostly throw it away. I do have a box/drawer for each kid where the stuff is that really does reflect who they were are different stages, often stuff they did at home. Not that everything's in those boxes yet, but at least I have a system for deciding to keep/throw away. Then eventually I will thin out the drawers, so I have only a couple of exemplars of each stage. In many cases I reason that the purpose was to keep the kids busy for that day or develop in them a particular skill, and once that purpose is achieved, the work has served its purpose and need not be kept forever.

Those are some of my techniques for winnowing down the stuff that plagues me to keep but that I am somehow driven to hold on to. I hope they help you a bit - because we are all writing the script right now for what kind of old people we are going to be, and I think we all want to be easy on ourselves and on those who care for us!

Good luck,

KarinL

I think that's how the clipping habit starts. You think that for some reason YOU have been selected as the person to seek out and deliver information to others. I say, if they are really are that interested, they can try to find the answer themselves.

It's different if it's something important, like helping someone who is trying to find a job. Or you hold information that is not available just anywhere, such as grandma's cookie recipe that is so beloved among your family members. In that case, make yourself useful.

It takes wisdom to know the difference.

But at the same time, that sort of thing connects us to other people. I think the balance is where it is mutual and reciprocated. If it is always one sister doing it for another (or "to another" like the sister-in-law using relatives to store stuff!), it is probably something that needs to be curbed. But if it is something you do for each other, or in support of something that you know the person is trying to do, then I see it as something worth using your brain and space for.

I guess my question for you would be, if you need to clear your brain of something that connects you to your sister, then what are you clearing it FOR?

(Not that relatives are always positive connections, but assuming that this one is...)

KarinL

If help is requested, of course I give it.

In the case of my sister, if she tastes my cooking and asks for the recipe, I copy and paste it in an e-mail to her. If she calls with a cooking question, I answer it.

But I am changing my habits about sacrificing my sanity by making myself hold on to articles and clippings other fragments of flotsam that I think MIGHT help a certain person. I stay my hand when I feel the urge to rip out the article. Just one more thing to keep track of. Yes, for you, it's not a drain on your energy. Just take my word that for my health at this time, I have to conserve my energy.

For all I know, my sister has already learned how to butcher and fricassee a winter squash without my help (she's been getting help from her MIL) which is why the squash article is just useless jumble for both her and me.

My husband reminds me of the oxygen masks on the airplanes. If I don't help myself, how can I help others? If my well runs dry, should I expect someone else to fill it back up for me? I give and give and give, and don't have many sources to get energy back. Maybe that's why I am dealing with cancer.

I am trying to learn how to build up my strength. My life depends on it.

she will spend $ to send me boxes of things that I don't want or need..when she sends me clippings it is always something i don't care for..or even want..and i end up throwing it away..

even myself I find that i want to share things ..generally news clips..with people..when they really don't care to hear them..at least it isn't physical clutter but mental clutter..noise clutter..etc..

i think there are always a lot of underlying emotional issues in a lot of things we do.

i love this forum

As I said in my earlier comment, I like how MaryLiz has articulated how we tend to burden ourselves with the imagined needs of others. I've had to wrench myself out of that same mindset, not necessarily in clipping but in other things. I've also been there where you're neglecting yourself while giving too much to people, and often of stuff or help they don't really want! In my case, I have ulcers and other breakdowns of the physical plant to prove it, and wish you well with the cancer battle, MaryLiz.

All I wanted to say at the same time was that these are some of the things that connect us to people. As I've mentioned on another thread, I have friends - well, "friends" - who wouldn't spare the space in their house to save a piece of paper for me, while demanding all sorts of favours of me - and their houses look perfect while they look down their noses at me because mine is a mess. It's not a good feeling, when people won't disrupt their perfect lives for you, and it was that sentiment that came at me from your post.

I think the point was that it isn't just about the piece of paper but about the fact that someone took the trouble to hold on to it for you. The thought does count, in other words. And dismissing the idea because the person can get this info from the internet (maybe from strangers on a forum!) rather than from you is not a connecting, engaging thought. Most of us connect a little too much with computers and a little too little with each other!

MaryLiz, you expressed the moment initially as if it was doing this for your sister was something that would disrupt the perfect order of your life, not as something that would overwhelm you. There is a difference, and I apologize if I misinterpreted where it came from.

KarinL

I have a sister who incessantly sends me articles on scrapbooking and all the supplies one can buy. I don't scrapbook and I never will. I think she likes the idea of scrapbooking, and considers me "crafty", and she sublimates her desire, but lack of motivation, onto me.

I also have a neighbor who brings me stuff she thinks I might want - like two old pressure cookers. I once said I wouldn't buy a pressure canner because I didn't have room to store it. Next thing I know she's given my husband two ratty old pressure cookers.

Well, I don't want them. You need an actual pressure CANNER to can vegetables in, and I don't even want to do that.

She brought them to my husband when I wasn't home, because she knew I would refuse them, and then she'd feel guilty about throwing them out. She has a brand-new lovely working pressure cooker. She just doesn't want the responsibility of tossing something she no longer wants. So since the DH accepted them, I'm now responsible for tossing or getting them to Goodwill.

Nope, KarinL, I don't ask anything of this friend, except to not give me her junk to deal with. Most, if not all, clippings fall squarely into this category.

If you don't, I guarantee you she will bring you other treasures while you are gone and DH is home.

Stop her now, and leave DH out of it. He may be feeling like he's caught in the cross-fire.

Barbara

I have told her repeatedly to NOT dump this stuff on us. Unfortunately it's not "in the bud". She used to bring stuff for the DH to fix, which he did, but she'd never take them back. Then he, with his hoarding tendencies, would store them.

Yes, I have been throwing or donating anything worthy of donating.

I really do need to just refuse the "gifts". She needs to deal with her own "life-crap". I have enough of my own.

You can show you're thinking about someone a thousand ways. Expressing it through the inappropriate transfer of objects is no better than only being able to express emotions through food-centered activities. Emotional acquisition or giving is like emotional eating or cooking. There's a place and time for it, but it's not the answer to every situation, and marking emotional connections excessively in this way isn't healthy!

My policy is if I give a gift, it's gone. I don't give things I'm not willing to part with completely.

You may want to put conditions on your gift, and that's fine. But it is then a loan, not a gift.

It's changing as I get older and as the emotional issues in my life get evened out. But even where it is still a problem, I've learned though that beating myself up about it only makes it worse.

I get rid of what I'm ready to get rid of and forgive myself for what I can't do yet. And funnily enough, it's easier to let go when I'm not trying to push myself to do it.

KarinL

KarinL

sure some people send me things i don't need and i feel they are wasting their time and money and sometimes they even send me offensive things..

but if any of you are fans of Alexandra Stoddard and have read her books..you will see that she considers it a great gift to save a clipping or item for a friend that you think that they will use...it is an ultimate act of love.

lets be careful not to judge the motives of each other..or those giving things to us we don't want.

as i said in a post elsehwere on here..if someone gives you all kinds of things you don't want..you can always donate them to charity..if they are paper items..throw them away if there is no value to you or someone you know.

allow them to continue if they can afford to do it..

i remember telling someone once that had a hoarder friend that wanted to give them stuff..take it..put it in the car or truck and drop it off at a charity next time you go buy..you are doing your hooarding friend a favor and someone else who will get it from a charity a favor too.

sometimes i get a little harsh myself..so i apologize for that ahead of being judge for it.

An ultimate act of love is laying down your life for a family member. Paper clippings just aren't in this type of equation.

My friends and family members who compulsively clip, save, store, and hoard need to stop. They don't need me to tell them, "Yes, OK, I'll take everything". That simply feeds into their bad habits.

Sure, I can throw this crap away. But why should I have to be responsible for their stuff?

If I've told them in no uncertain terms I don't want to deal with their stuff, then I feel no obligation to take it.

I don't know Alexandra Stoddard's works, and I'm certain I don't want to read any of them.

I've been a silent fan of your posts for a long time. You contribute a lot to the forums because you genuinely share your ideas and opinions. Please don't stop just bc someone slams you once in a while.

mary c, there are ways to disagree respectfully on gw, and I wish you would use them. Slamming has been around since the beginning of the internet, and there are plenty of websites where it is practiced as a fine art, but gardenweb isn't one of them. You made some good points in your post, but you also threw some mean punches that added nothing to your message except spitefulness.

IF I have told people to stop sending us this stuff - well, then, THEY SHOULD STOP. I have told everyone in my life that I don't want magazine clippings, internet jokes, recipes, quilt patterns, or whatever.

If they continue, it's not out of love, it fulfills some need they have. I don't want to be held responsible for their needs, especially if it means I must save their stuff.

It is not a blessing, it is not a gift of love. It's stuff someone is trying to pawn off on me or the DH to deal with because they don't want to deal with it themselves.

So NO.

Thank you, that was classy. I agree the typed word can come across more harshly than it might if we were speaking the same words.

And what you said about internet jokes, amen. Have you heard of the Boulder Pledge, written by Roger Ebert (of Siskel and Ebert fame)?

The Boulder Pledge is a personal promise, first coined by Roger Ebert in 1996,[77] not to purchase anything offered through email spam. The pledge is worded by Ebert as follows:

" Under no circumstances will I ever purchase anything offered to me as the result of an unsolicited e-mail message. Nor will I forward chain letters, petitions, mass mailings, or virus warnings to large numbers of others. This is my contribution to the survival of the online community. "

Ebert coined the term during a panel at the University of Colorado at Boulder's Conference on World Affairs in 1996. He wrote the text which appears above and encouraged everyone to take the pledge. It was subsequently published in the December 1996 issue of Yahoo! Internet Life magazine in Ebert's column titled "Enough! A Modest Proposal to End the Junk Mail Plague."

I think of the boulder pledge whenever I get one of those recipe chain emails. I can't think of 20 friends to forward one of those to. Yes, I have 20 friends, but not friends who would welcome such an email. So I remember the pledge and hit delete. But I digress...

Warm regards,
Alex

It isn't valid to classify everyone having an occasional glass of wine as an alcoholic, and it isn't valid to call everyone who occasionally shares a clipping a hoarder.

And while I think "ultimate gift of love" is taking it a bit far, the idea is not so far off... it can be done selflessly with nothing behind it but a kind thought for someone, and there is nothing wrong with graciously accepting it from someone who does it that way.

But that's me, and my life; everyone has different parameters and different relationships to deal with. What's nice about these forums is that we learn about other perspectives. Like a clipping that someone gives us, we can fling the perspective back in the face of the giver, which occasionally has a purpose, for example to foster discussion! Or we can quietly accept it... and then do what we want with it.

KarinL

Disclaimer: The fact that I realize I should not spend too much energy on control issues does not mean that I am harmoniously floating in the inner circle of peace, however!

I understand what you're saying - it's just a clipping, it's just a bit of paper. I should be gracious and accept it.

Well, you don't live with someone incapable of throwing out any clipping from anyone no matter who or how inconsequential.

We have books here warning of the coming financial crisis for 1988 - he can't part with them. He retired 16 years ago and brought home massive amounts of files. They lived in a row behind the sofa for a year, because simply putting them in boxes caused him massive anxiety. They are now boxed up and in a closet, but he still can't let them go. They mean nothing to anyone else, but sending them to a landfill means (TO HIM), it's like his life meant nothing if it can now be dumped. It's not true, of course, and he has 12 patents to his name - some of which make your computers go.

If you don't live with someone who has a tendency to hoard - don't judge. He's not insane, but he does have this need to save.

I do live with one. And if I tell you to quit sending stuff, well stop!

I stand by every single thing I've said. I do need to control my world, and keep my husband from tipping over into the dark side of hoarding.

I have a dear friend back East who was "outed" as a hoarder earlier in the year. Our social circle always knew there was something not quite right, but this was before hoarding had the name and noteriety it has today. Eccentric? Someone who just loved her stuff? Someone who defined herself by what she possessed? Someone who enjoyed living in a house that was like a museum storeroom? We didnt realize the scope of it until it took four of us friends a month to help her pack up to move into an independent living apartment in an over 55 community.

We tried to use the moving as the opportunity to sort and cull, but it was impossible - everything was meaningful, everything had a story. And with a mind like a card catalogue, she would have known if something was missing had we the opportunity to start trash bags.

It was an object lesson to me - decorate and accessorize my home with the things I love, but keep in mind that no one will ever love my junk as much as I do. If I don't deal with things responsibly, someday, somehow someone else will have to deal with stuff and in a way I might not like. Seeing my friend burdened by her possessions (even though they're currently in three large storage lockers) tells me hoarding is a debilitating mindset that rarely can be put right with a shovel and a dumpster.

I don't think our ideas are at all at odds.

I have a lot of freinds and family members that are clinical hoarders and i know what you are dealing with when you are dealing with a clinical hoarder and how it can destroy families..so I agree with you in that I understand your feelings.

I do however find that in some cases we can actually be helpfully encouraging by helping some people that are clinical hoarders if they do offer things that are of value..and help to remove them to a charity where someone else will be their caretaker and love those items, there are so many "needy" people out there now.

If i am visiting and someone offers me something of value that isn't too large (no pianos or large furniture)..but something i can sit in the trunk or back seat of my car with little effort..and I know it would do them better by not having it in their home..and if i'm going past a charity on my way home..i can just as easily take it with me and drop it to the charity.

will i do this every time..no..often..not necessarily..but should i feel that it will benefit them to not have it and benefit someone else to have it..yes I'll occasionally take their item to pass it on to someone else.

as for clippings..i do discourage them because i know it is costing that person postage..and i'll inevitably throw it away..but if it will hurt their feelings..i'd just rather throw it away myself..as i do with all other junk mail.

yeah I have to agree with that. As a recovering hoarder I know first hand how difficult it can be for a hoarder to let go of things, so after agonising and finally deciding "I'll give this away" and then being refused can be a set back. If you know someone who chronically hoards and you have the opportunity to take something off them, do it (unless you are a hoarder yourself) because just getting to that point can be very hard for some people and each time they give something up can be a step closer to getting better. Just my 2c

mary c, already I assumed that you process your own mail or gifts because you described stuff being sent to you personally and stuff I assume (again) DH would not be interested so my remarks are about an individual making his or her own choices. It wasn't about whether one choice is better than another or has to be justified. I get stuff given to ME and it isn't taken over by someone else--it's mine to keep or toss. But perhaps instead, or as well, you meant you get stuff delivered to your "household" and then someone grabs onto it and you can't throw it away.

There are many people who reject all "unwanted" or extraneous stuff and maintain very spare spaces because that's how they like to live, not because of hoarder connections. I think it's interesting to allow for individual behaviors that don't have or require an obvious reason for being (though it might be in the back of the brain somewhere) as well as those that are are traceable to specific life situations.

I'm so glad you posted the Boulder Pledge. When I get email, I often feel guilty about not forwarding things, especially from good friends whose message urges me to. I never forward virus warnings or petitions (useless unless personally signed), but before, I have saved friends' emails for a couple of weeks until they are probably forgotten; then I delete. Now I'll do it imediately, with much less guilt! You can tell I don't get much mail in the first place! Otherwise I'd be inundated.

Thanks for the "Pledge" - gives me a good reminder.

so nope..i unapologetically dispose of them immediately.

it can cost a lot of money getting a computer fixed

From my own experience it isnt about the love of things or collections but the real problem is the emotional response that comes with getting rid of things and that's a crucial part of the sickness that needs to be addressed. my husband would try to have a clear out and I would frantically pull things out of the bin and carry them back into the house, it's the only thing that quiets the overwhelming emotions of anxiety and feeling like your world is spinning out of control as you see those things being discarded. It's a bit like an anorexic who wont eat because how they treat food gives them a sense of control over their life, hoarding is very similar in that it's that same sense of control that the hoarder is looking for.

But you are right, nothing will change unless the hoarder acknowledges the problem to themself, and decides that they just dont want to live that way anymore.

Ron not only is ocpd but has a serious head injury with panic attacks and anxiety disorder..so i have to walk on eggshells around him, and removing things from our house to trash or charities is very difficult..but i do manage to do it..but if it is HIS things i do have to be super careful not to upset his applecart...

some people don't "get it" ..that it is a clinical thing..with a lot ..actually most people that hoard.

just like a lot of people think that fat people "just overeat and don't move"..

honestly it is a bit of bigotry when people can't try to find out and understand people that are different than they are and try to be helpful or at least non judgemental..but it is hard to see beyond the surface a lot of times..

that makes these forums so wonderful..more points are given from more directions than just one..deeper digging.

I reached a point a few years ago where I couldnt take it anymore. I wasnt as bad as some people get with the clutter but I was definitely on my way with every cupboard, drawer, nook overflowing and so I had boxes piling up in rooms to store more stuff and my tiny little house was getting smaller and smaller. I did get help and have come such a long way since then that I still have to pinch myself at how much things have changed. But I still have to keep challenging my thoughts so I dont go back to how things were and even after all this time Im still working on getting rid of the stuff that I collected along the way but there is a lot less than there used to be.

Not that I'm considering those, but just to say that if someone around you is hoarding, just forcing them to stop may not lead to the utopia you expect. On the other hand, dealing with the underlying emotional deficit (if you can) might make the hoarding go away effortlessly.

KarinL

Yep that's totally true and often it will just upset the hoarder and make them dig their heels in. Karinl you are going about it in exactly the right way. There is no need to put pressure on yourself or have any time limits on how long it should take to declutter and it is much better to work at a pace you feel comfortable with. Keep telling your husband and yourself "I will get there" and I *am* getting there. It takes as long as it takes :)