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betsymarie_gw

Starting over.... sigh

betsymarie
16 years ago

Hi, I'm new here, but old to decluttering. I'm a pretty bad one, and am now back to goat-trails here and there. I used to be active on the old decluttr listserve, but cant seem to find it now.

Anyway, I've been messy my entire life, and just keep everything. A couple of years ago I got very close, after about 6 months of continuous decluttering, to get my house close to letting people inside the front door. Then life happened and I went into re-mession. Sigh. And now the house is almost back to where it was before I started.

Fortunately I did acquire a few skills about letting go of some stuff from the last attempt, but not nearly enough. And I obvously dont know how to maintain orderliness.

So here I am again, back in harness. My plan is to work a little bit each day. What worked for me in the past was to set the timer for 5 minutes each day with an invitation to myself to work longer if I wanted. I almost always would work much longer. For me it has always been getting started, and 5 min I could do.

I often feel overwhelmed in general of course, but now I just accept that that feeling goes with the territory, and continue, feeling overwhelmed or not. I can work and still feel bad about it all. And I know it can be done in many, many little steps.

Last night I worked for about an hour and a half in the bedroom, and cleared a small portion of the room. I'm very pleased. I think today I'll work on one particular bottleneck near the kitchen.

This time I really want to dispose of all sorts of stuff, but when something in particular is in my hand... my resolve softens. I'll have to work on that.

I just hate living like this and am irritated with myself for allowing this to happen so badly again.

Comments (18)

  • adobesunlight
    16 years ago

    Hi Betsy! I just came back to these boards yesterday after being away for a longggggggggggg time and really got the motivation to get started on my house and de-cluttering, etc. I too have a LOT of trouble "letting go" of things because either they seem to have some sort of sentimental feelings attached to them OR it's because I start thinking of how much I paid for my so-called "treasures". The thing is this.......How can we look at them as being treasures when they are causing such despair? Do we dust them often and admire them or think of the work it's going to cause just keeping them clean?? Seriously!! You tend to have weird thoughts of hiring someone with a bulldozer to clear the junk away or "I need to move and start over again" fully knowing the next home will become just as messy as the one you're living in now. At least that's how it is with me. I don't know the meaning of self-discipline either! Excuses come easy....I tend to point the finger at my husband and NEVER think about the fact that 98% of this stuff is actually mine! If we ever separated (God forbid) and he decided to pack his stuff up and move he'd no doubt be able to load his belongings into the car and drive off. Could I say the same thing? And I'm not including furniture and appliances...just "stuff". Mine would take weeks to pack and the largest moving van available. All I keep thinking is the money wasted along the way. Too bad we couldn't get back what we've spent on this junk that only brought temporary happiness to begin with, right? My shopping habits are beginning to change now at least a little. Last week I decided it might be fun to go thrift store shopping and had a basket full of other people's clutter when suddenly the thought occurred to me----"Am I actually going to display or use this (or even sell it on Ebay) or will it sit in a bag for weeks as I shuffle it from place to place or stick it in a closet for later?" Needless to say, I dropped the basket full of burdens on the counter and walked out empty handed. HURRAY!!!!

    Keep coming to these boards and report back sweetie. That's what I plan to do! Maybe we can help each other get through this!

  • betsymarie
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    Yes, I also regret money spent on things that have to go, even 'good' thrift store items that I've acquired. And there are many.

    I've just started using a new phrase that helps when tossing stuff. That little 24/7 rationalizing voice inside will say 'but it cost xx' or 'that will come in handy some day' or 'I can sell it at a yard sale and get xx.', etc, I am now replying simply 'I dont care' and put it in the garbage/charity bags. Perhaps it was from watching Tommy Lee Jones in the Fugitive the other day, LOL.

    I've made nice progress this morning, and still want to do more later. I'm enjoying it in a way.

  • claire_de_luna
    16 years ago

    Getting started is definitely the hard part. Good luck to you and your efforts. What's nice is when five minutes turns into ten, etc. It's good to hear you're enjoying it!

  • talley_sue_nyc
    16 years ago

    stop being irritated at yourself, and start getting irritated at that STUFF you are holding in your hand.

    here's my mantra: If it makes me jiggle when I hold it because I don't know what to do w/ it, I throw it OUT.

    If I really want to keep it, I *know* what to do with it.

    Good luck!

    (maybe you and adobesunshine can "haunt" each other! and keep the rest of us posted on your progress so's we can cheer)

  • betsymarie
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    LOL, thanks. although I am irritated I have allowed it to happen to this degree, I really am not beating up on myself. Quite the contrary. I know I can do this again... if I stick with it that is. It is not the stuff that filled every open spot on its own, it is me that allowed it. I accept that I am not perfect in this respect.

    As to getting started, in the greater sense, it's as if a switch has flipped. I hope this enthusiam continues. With peaks and valleys, it did last time. As to getting started on days I would prefer to do something else, that is when the 5 minute trick really helps.

    Since I last posted above, I've begun clearing a patch of floor, and have carted to their rooms, things that belong elsewhere. It is difficult to not get derailed by other tasks, but I am managing to keep relatively focused on one area.

    In the past 24 hours, I've carried out two bags to the recycling bin, several smaller bags to the garbage, and a number of 'good' things to the goodwill pile.

    I'm seeing progress.

  • adobesunlight
    16 years ago

    WOW! You're doing great Betsy!!!! I'll be happy when I'm able to say I've done that much, but at least getting started is something, right? When my husband came home today from work he noticed small changes, so at least it's paying off to keep cleaning and tossing and there is that sense of accomplishment when you can get past 5 minutes and onto 15! WHEEEEEE!!!!!

  • betsymarie
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    Thanks. Yes, I did get a lot done today. There is so much that needs doing in this house that my plan was to try to do enough today that I would notice I had actually done something, and that it was good so I would want to do even more. I certainly dont intend to work this hard other days or I'd burn out. Slow and steady wins the race.

    One of my 2 cats was having great fun playing in the newly freed area.

  • adobesunlight
    16 years ago

    I totally agree with you on not doing TOO MUCH! This is why I'm going at a slow steady pace as well. I remember trying to get the house all clean in one or two days and worked my behind off only to not keep it up, in fact went weeks before barely lifting a finger because of burn-out. I have grocery shopping in the morning and then will make out my list before taking the plunge in this house. The stuff I did today was not a lot, but had noticeable results even so. The kitchen and living room will probably be my priorities and then whatever comes next. Would like to have at least one cleared room to sit back and admire=)

    Good luck Betsy! I look forward to hearing about your strategies and accomplishments=)

  • talley_sue_nyc
    16 years ago

    It is not the stuff that filled every open spot on its own, it is me that allowed it.

    No, you know what, it IS TOO the stuff.

    It comes into the house on its own. and it doesn't leave on its own.

    You perhaps haven't been a forceful enough adversary to it, but now you are, So be sure you properly identify the enemy.

    Congrats on your progress, and the on the strength both to start, and not to overwhelm yourself.

    And how neat that those you live with (husband, and cat) are noticing your efforts!

  • betsymarie
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    I'm going to ride this rush of enthusiam as long at it lasts. I'm sure my pace will slow to a more sustainable pace in a day or two. Hard to believe but I'm feeling kind of excited. Of course I do look up at times to see the masses of mess there is to sort through and feel dejected. But what the heck, it will still be there no matter how I feel about it all, so I might as well just keep plugging away thru the figurative tears.

    Last night one of my favorite Hitchcock movies was on (Suspicion) so I continued working away in its company. Alas I have real life activities most of today, but if you can believe it, I'm looking forward to getting home and tackling the hell-hole of trash between the kitchen and the living room.

    I'd love to be able to have people in for Christmas (Thanksgiving would be way too soon). With this mind-set, I might be able to do that. Of course some rooms would still have to be off-limits. :)

  • betsymarie
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    "No, you know what, it IS TOO the stuff."

    We may have to disagree on the cause of all the clutter. It works for me to accept that it's my attraction, acquistion, and emotional attachment to things, resistence to housework, control issues, etc. These things I can work on. If it's the stuff's fault, there is no hope. ;)

    Regardless of who/what is to blame, in the end, I am the only one who can do anything about it.

  • adobesunlight
    16 years ago

    "Regardless of who/what is to blame, in the end, I am the only one who can do anything about it."

    That's so very true!! We could enlist help, but no one else but the packrat knows really what to do with all of this "stuff". A friend might help discourage us from keeping certain items, but WE have to be the ones to decide whether or not to dispose of them. UGH! Such is life! Certainly it's not an easy chore, but I keep trying to think of the end result. These are only material things which over time will just wither away and die and most if not all can be easily replaced, however I don't know about you, but I don't think I want any of it back! LOL! Instead I'd much rather trade in 10 or 20 pieces of junk for one nice object to admire. Can you tell these knick knacks are driving me insane?? I probably have enough objects to furnish an entire neighborhood!

    Good luck sweetie!! Love reading your posts=)

  • betsymarie
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    Thanks adobesunlight. I also have too many things, but I'm not sure I'd call them knick knacks. Just stuff. I have a lot of art supplies. I guess that is the most out of control group of goods. Well, and clothes and papers and kitchen toys and ...

    Today I mainly worked on 'that place' between the kitchen and the adjacent room. I have almost finished it, but there are some things yet to do. It's just after 7pm in my time zone, so I'm sure I'll do it before bed.

    We have curbside recycling and today I filled one of the large containers the company provides. Pick-up is Friday which is good. In the last 2 days or so, I've also over-filled one garbage can with trash, and put aside some things for goodwill.

    Until I get a bit more organized, my plan is to get as much out of the house as fast as possible. I will put boxes of good will things in the back of my car, and then drop off whatever I have when I pass either of the 2 locations near here. I've done this in the past, and it works very well.

    I'd like to eventually have a yard sale, but anything I would price for under $1 goes to goodwill now. They also will get what doesnt sell.

    My goal is to make noticable progress, not perfection when disposing of things. I wanna see the light.

  • adobesunlight
    16 years ago

    Sounds like a plan=) I call whatever is not useful to me "knick knacks" and that includes anything in excess that was originally purchased to "decorate with". I have an abundance of art supplies too! Not only mine, but inherited my mother's as well along with her huge doll collection. My father was a packrat too and this talent was passed down to me along with his collection of "stuff", so find it hard sometimes to just let go of my parent's belongings since both are now deceased. I have one sibling that lives here and the other is out of state, so it's not easy to pass anything on to anyone else. The brother that is out of state is totally clutter-free and gets nervous while visiting me because of the mess (can't say that I blame him). Anyway, sorry for rambling on....

    I see where you are really making some headway and staying focused! WOW! That just gives me the incentive to get busy today since yesterday didn't pan out. Way to go girl!!!

  • betsymarie
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    Tomorrow morning is recycling and garbage pick-up. I filled 2 cans of each, and they are out on the curb. I'm very pleased.

    I did good work today. I'm splitting my time between the bedroom and the kitchen/adjacent room. I work in the bedroom in the morning so any dust can settle by night. And on and off this afternoon/evening, worked in the other area. I'm going at a very comfortable pace, taking as many breaks as I want, and for as long as I want. No reason to make it any more unpleasant than necessary.

    My current goal has 2 facets now. First to get as much junk out of the house as fast as possible to see progress, and a new goal - to start a center of cleared and cleaned area (the kitchen) and clear and clean outward from that center. I've almost got the kitchen counter done. That may sound like a lot, but I've actually been doing minor work on that for a couple weeks.

    I can hardly believe I almost enjoyed doing the work again today. I'll ride the wave as long as it's here, then do whatever is necessary to get this done.

  • talley_sue_nyc
    16 years ago

    hooray!

    Regardless of who/what is to blame, in the end, I am the only one who can do anything about it.

    We can certainly agree on that!

    (Maybe you find it more hopeful to assign the blame for yourself, bcs you are more confident in your ability to triumph over yourself than I do. I feel more hopeful about triumphing over stuff, and less so about triumphing over my own weaknesses. You're a better man than I, Gunga Din!)

    Congrats on all your progress, and how neat that you can say this: "I almost enjoyed doing the work again today."

    it always surprises me when that happens. But as you have reminded us, it can!

  • betsymarie
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    Quote: "(Maybe you find it more hopeful to assign the blame for yourself, bcs you are more confident in your ability to triumph over yourself than I do. I feel more hopeful about triumphing over stuff, and less so about triumphing over my own weaknesses. You're a better man than I, Gunga Din!)"

    Words are funny things and they have shades of meaning to each of us. 'Blame' is a strong one to me and I dont use it often wirh respect to myself and my clutter. But in a non-judgemental, non-condemning way I accept that I am messy, a clutterer, and am responsible for the current state of the house. Other than occasional irritation, I do this with little or no serious aspersions cast at myself but rather I look at it as accepting responsibility for my actions - or rather inactions. I dont look upon being messy as a weakness, but rather that no one is perfect, and that this is my natural tendency which I hope to better channel. :-)

    I must say decluttering is going faster this time than last. I guess because it's newer, frothier clutter, my original plan is still in place, I have learned some lessons including that I know it can be done, and right now I'm (gasp) enjoying it as much as one can ever enjoy work. ;-)

    We'll see if I still feel this way next week. Or even later today.

  • talley_sue_nyc
    16 years ago

    I bet we don't have different opinions at all--you're just better at expressing this idea than I am. And maybe you are less harsh on yourself (rightfully so), more comfortable w/ your humanness, and I am not. Looking at your messiness as a tendency you can channel is very empowering, it's clear. Looking at my messiness as a flaw that is therefore hard to eradicate is probably a bit of a barrier for me.

    And, right now, I'm focusing less on my contributions, bcs I've been realizing that much of the stuff that clogs my house comes into it bcs of other people, other people's priorities, other people's help.

    But nothing's leaving the same way.

    That's a whole other thread, though.

    I like that idea that your original plan is still inplace--you may be starting over, but you're traveling a familiar pathway. (in the brain, our neural impulses travel more rapidly along pathways the second, third, and eighth times).

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