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liddy01

Computer Items

liddy01
17 years ago

My future DH is a pack rat. I on the other hand am a neat freak- whose greatest thrill happened when I got to de-junk my bosses entire office. Needless to say she was pleased with the fact that her office got a new lease on life.

Back to the DH though, he has overtaken his mother's living room, basement, garage, and his own bedroom. With computer supplies and parts. Because we are buying a house in the next month, I don't want all this "obsolete crap" coming with. He has accepted my offer to help him pack.

Do any of you have idea on how I might politely tell him that he can give it up? What type of organization system have any of you used for over zealous pack rats?

I want to be the wife to him and not the mother. And I doubt I can move in a week before so I can claim my territory!

Thanks in advance... Liddy

Comments (9)

  • steve_o
    17 years ago

    Libby, the computer parts are much like any other hobby. Future DH could have fly-fishing paraphernalia all over; could have one of every woodworking tool known to mankind; might be a big fan of fixing cars (or thinking he will fix them) and require a four-car garage. The same groundrules apply. Your best bet might be to find some area of the house that is "his" and that he can junk up with all the "obsolete" parts he wants. Ideally, it will be an area with a door you can close so you don't have to look at it.

    Unless you know which parts are "obsolete" and which are not, I think you'll have a hard time convincing your fiance that some should be left behind. In addition, if he's a "messie", he'll be a "messie" until it serves him to become a "neatie" -- your gain will be short-lived. As part of the relationship, the two of you must compromise on some sort of order, but you cannot reform his organizational habits (or lack thereof). Only he can do that.

    Good luck!

  • quirkyquercus
    17 years ago

    I've discovered the secret to decluttering is to contain within a closet.

    For instance...
    You're looking at a shelf with 100 computer parts on it and it looks clutterish. There's often no way possible to make that many items look nice when out in the open.

    Now put doors on the shelf and you're only looking at ONE item, and that's the shelf. Plus, it helps keep dust off the items.

    Since you're moving, I would get a mobile closet. One with wheels or one you can put inexpensive casters on. Pack it now, get used to it. And then when moving time comes, you simply roll it on to the moving van and roll it into it's new location and everything is right where you left it. A mobile tool cabinet might also work and they are actually pretty nice looking IMO.

    So you take a room with 5 shelves containing over 500 computer parts and put them in 3-5 mobile cabinets and you no longer looking at 500 items, you're looking at 3-5 items... and if mobile, you can wheel into a closet or rearrange neatly in a corner if someone is coming over etc. I promise once you move the DH will toss a lot of stuff that isn't needed. It always happens that way. But if not, at least it will be out of sight.

    Hope that was some help to ya.

  • catbird
    17 years ago

    Having lived with a pack rat for nearly 50 years, I can promise you that you're not going to change him. You may be able to work out some compromises and some sort of system to contain the clutter, but there will always be clutter. If you're going to have a happy marriage, the two of you need to confront this issue up front and figure out how to handle it. Is there a basement or a room [with a door!]in the house that can be HIS junk place? You can offer to help him organize things, but in the end they're his things and you can learn to live with them or not. No one is perfect and you have to decide whether there are enough other things you love about him to enable you to live with and love him - and his computer parts. [You might even get interested in computer repair.]

  • marge727
    17 years ago

    Get on your knees and pray that he doesn't expand from computers to something bigger and clunkier. Computer stuff gets obsolute rapidly --he can be friendly with some poor wretch who doesn't have up to date stuff. Get him interested in helping the underprivileged. My guy started giving stuff away to the UPS guy, our insurance guy, etc.
    Then he had space.....and started with stuff he never had room for in his house, now we have not just ordinary table saws--we also have ones with lasers, and tile saws. We have stuff that Captain Kirk would kill for. Gizmos that can find not only metal studs in the walls --but measure probably the speed of light. I couldn't quite follow the explanation.
    So--I now have a craft room of my own; with a table, a desk and a big closet. I am going to take up sculpting or go back to quilting or simply finish that novel. He has the garage level-and is happy routering wood in our remodel. It looks great. Our laptops operate with the speed of light and are wireless. I am happy if he's happy.

  • holly_bc
    17 years ago

    Liddy ~ Unless you're a master at diplomacy, a neat freak & a pack rat are going to have some challenges. If his *only* pack rattiness regards computer parts, perhaps you have a chance. :-))) It's particularly challenging as it appears his Mom allowed this expansion to all parts of present home ~ something which it seems you would not be equally easy going about.

    As you look at homes, ensure whatever you purchase contains a room where his computer stuff can live without invading the rest of the home. Discuss this ahead of time (pre house hunting) so you are both on side that said home must contain said room/area. Otherwise you will go quickly bonkers.

    Prepare ahead of time for the "packing it up event" with boxes marked for discard & spare parts and perhaps electrical/wiring. Spare parts may need to be further broken down into *big* spare parts and *little* spare parts. That's about all you should have need for as 'puter stuff is either in an operating computer or it fits in one of the above categories. I'd suggest you make every effort NOT to organize beyond this. Don't buy all sorts of nice little boxes, labelling each with your P-Touch - small bolts, large bolts, short wire, long wire . . . thinking he'll keep it all organized 'cause you'll spend hours, it won't remain thus long, and you'll be an unhappy camper.

    The suggestion about helping those in need with some of it is a great one. There is a guy on our local Freecycle that builds computers from various spare parts for those unable to buy one themselves. Perhaps you can encourage his *kindness genes* in that manner although that may lead to him accumulating even more spare stuff. LOL!!

    The KEY is containment. As everyone has said, you ainta gonna change him. You'll need to come up with a compromise between the two of you.

    Good Luck! :-))
    H

  • lazy_gardens
    17 years ago

    Set one rule: IF IT'S BROKE, IT'S OUTTA HERE!

    That one rule alone got rid of 7 banker's boxes of obsolete junk in my SO's house.

    Find a good charity that rebuilds computers for other charities and needy students and convince him that "they deserve to be used by a good cause".

    If not, at lease get him to SORT by part category (cards, cables, mobos, etc.) and BOX them by category. Boxed parts are much less intimidating. If he corrals all the parts, he may realize he has way too many and be more likely to prune the collection.

    These boxes need to be labbeled and go on SHELVES, somewhere near a WORKTABLE.

    Frequently disorganized poeple buiy multiples because by the time they get around to a project, they have lost the parts ... helping him organize can prevent this.

  • quiltglo
    17 years ago

    liddy, I think catbird said it, but I'll second her. You see the behavior and the results. You will not be able to change this. Can you live with it?

    There's nothing unusual about a spouse taking over a basement or a garage, but when the items take over living spaces you are dealing with something different. Is he a hoarder or just messy? Why would he be any different in your own home than in his mother's home? Just because he has accepted your offer to help him pack doesn't mean that in his mind he is going to be getting rid of any of the items.

    You may need a neutral third party to help you set boundries, but some WILL need to be in place before you two live together. How he reacts to your suggestions will give you a good idea of how he can manage this. If he's open and let's things go, then you know it just got out of hand. If he gets angry and defensive, then it's going to be a bumpy road.

    Good luck.

    Gloria

  • liddy01
    Original Author
    17 years ago

    Well, my boss helped out. She decided to dejunk her entire office and got rid of a bunch of those plastic drawer carts. What a God Send! It is like a new life was breathed into him. You can actually walk through his bedroom now. The living room, garage and basement are still a project.

    Ironically, I am a technology coordinator for a school and my bachelors degree was in Foriegn Affairs. I just have a real type A personality.

  • quirkyquercus
    17 years ago

    See I told you. Don't try to get it organized, just aim for "hidden".