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Guests making me crazy!

Posted by VWbrownthumb (My Page) on
Thu, Jul 10, 14 at 22:14

OK, First off, I really do love my sister, her two daughters, and two grandsons. They really are lovely, wonderful people, and would never, NEVER deliberately leave a mess, disrupt anyone's life, etc. They are mostly visiting my home and my mom's home as a way to afford a CA vacation. They go off during the day, come home and fix dinner for all, sleep and shower.

All told, there's no real MESS, they wash their dishes, clothes, take out the trash, clean up after themselves. Best houseguests ever.

So why does everything feel so out of place?

Any thoughts?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Guests making me crazy!

It's normal to find your life and your home out-of-whack when you have a houseful of visitors, but do you often find it challenging to cope with any type of disorder - let alone "friendly" disorder? Does this feel overwhelming to you?

The truth is, everything IS disrupted and out of place when you have visitors, and it's why you spend the day after they leave putting things right and getting "back to normal" - because "normal" doesn't include visitors. You go into "visitor mode" when you have guests.

How you handle the situation is where I think the challenge is, and you may want to spend some time on those feelings with a mental health professional and work through them so you can enjoy your guests rather the having them drive you crazy.

-Grainlady


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RE: Guests making me crazy!

I don't know too many households that can absorb 5 additional bodies without a certain amount of disruption. Good news is they sound like very thoughtful guests. Since they're not messy by your own admission, maybe it's more about the interruption of your daily pattern?

What are you doing while they are out and about all day? Are they inviting you and your mother to join them in any of their adventures or are you feeling used? Like a hotel?


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RE: Guests making me crazy!

Send them to my place. Been there, done that, no problems.


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RE: Guests making me crazy!

I think it's an extra burden simply having people in your home who aren't there to visit -you-. Even if the literal impact on the house is exactly the same, when you are serving as a hotel, it feels like it, and it's a burden.

That's why one should only do it for people one adores and who are considerate.

And it's also why it's important in the middle of all of that to have time together that isn't "hotel keeper / guest," where they -are- visiting -you-.

Try to schedule some of that, pronto.


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RE: Guests making me crazy!

Dear Brownthumb -- you ask if there are any thoughts and I think you got some good answers. My question would be, does your sister really know you and know what you need to feel comfortable in your home? I ask that because you seem to be talking about a stranger even though you dearly love her. She's trying to stay out of your way -- did you anticipate enjoying her visit? Has she ever visited you before? Is this the first time anybody has ever stayed in your home as a guest? Were you upset with their visit from the first day or did it just suddenly get to you? I know if six people, dear family members, were coming to stay with me I would be all set for my life to be disrupted, aware that it was for a short time and trying to squeeze as much pleasure as I could out of their presence -- how many more times in your life will you see them as a family?


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RE: Guests making me crazy!

Company stresses me too - unless I have everything perfectly in order, candles lit and fresh flowers in vases when they arrive. Then, I abandon myself to the joy of having friends or family come to visit me as none of us know when those people may not be with us. I go into overdrive, stay up much of the night [if needed] to prepare and have everything just perfect. Then.....if there is dirt on the floor, things are messed up - who cares? I can clean it up afterward, basking in knowing I provided the best hospitality I could. Usually, I am so tired afterward I don't care if things are not back in place. Count yourself lucky to have neat houseguests.........when my boyfriend's daughters used to come to stay, they were pigs and I had to tell them to pick up their things......thankfully they live far away and don't come visit! One was passing through on her way to Chicago and asked if her dog could stay.....I was complaining to my friend, my worst nightmare would be a lab/pitt bull cross. And that is exactly what it was! We had to laugh.....it had to stay in a horse stall - don't think she liked it much, but MY house, MY rules! So just try to relax, enjoy the visit and count blessings you have a nice family. Many people are lonely and would love to trade places. Am sure you are a wonderful hostess.......


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