At 53 I am not yet on my deathbed but a lot closer to it, and my habits haven't changed that much. And to my chagrin my primary wish as I look back on my life is that I had spent more time doing housework!

In aggregate, I would say it is the perpetual feeling of an incomplete to-do list, the constant burden of "I should do this," the feeling of inadequacy that comes from never conquering the apparently simple task of keeping a house clean and tidy, and then the anxiety/shame (depending on how bad the house is) about having visitors (or outright not being able to have them)... that together make me wish I had done better at this.

I realize this isn't an "organizing" post per se, but being organized and being clean are closely intertwined for me. I have always, I think, figured that I will take the time to clean "once I am organized" and also, it is harder to clean a disorganized environment. If you have stuff standing/lying around, you can't clean without moving it, and putting it back where it doesn't belong seems like such a stupid thing to do.

Then we went and aggravated my problem by moving into an old house that we half-renovated and ...have ...not ...yet ...finished so that we add materials, tools, and indecision to the mix. Why wash a window you are going to replace? Why designate a space for materials that you are going to install and use up? And so it goes, into the spiral, generating bad feelings and marital stress that can eat a person up.

So this article validates a lot for me, although it's not precisely of scientific quality. I hope someone else gets a bit of a lift from it!

Karin L

http://www.frugalbits.com/fitness-health/how-housework-can-make-you-ha ppy/

I enjoy the results, yes, but I also like that it is one area where I can get a feeling of control and see immediate results. So, maybe it's selfish in a way, too.

Many things in life we cannot control and just have to accept, but by golly, I can control how clean my house is. Although many of my life's works will take years or decades to accomplish (child raising, paying off debt, establishing a career, etc.), a clean house can be had in a matter of hours.

When I am putting the finishing touches on my housecleaning, I feel very satisfied--a feeling of "there, it's done!" that I rarely get to have that feeling in other areas of my life. It would make me sadder, I am sure, not to have that feeling regularly.

Don't take this to mean my house is perfect--with four kids and a bunch of pets, perfection is a pipedream ( a lonely pipedream, too!). But the basics are usually covered and there are few days I'd be mortified if people stopped by.

Why wash a window I am going to replace? Because living in a house with clean windows is one thing I can accomplish, even while remodeling decisions go unmade, spouses don't complete projects, etc.

It is definitely easier with less stuff--I am always editing my stuff and want to shrink it even more this summer. But it also works to put all the stuff in the garage and just don't go in there! ;-)

Now my sister is another story, she was a slob when she was raising her kids, all 4 of her children are slobs, dirty panties all over the bathroom floor. The oldest married a guy who would not put up with it, so she did it keep it decent for company.

"In aggregate, I would say it is the perpetual feeling of an incomplete to-do list, the constant burden of "I should do this," the feeling of inadequacy that comes from never conquering the apparently simple task of keeping a house clean and tidy, and then the anxiety/shame (depending on how bad the house is) about having visitors (or outright not being able to have them)... that together make me wish I had done better at this. "

Thanks, KarinL!

Off to read the article!

I used to think that if they could experience the positive feelings that come from having their home look the way they want it to, they would realize how good it feels and never turn back. But on the occasions when I've helped friends whip their homes into shape, it always reverts back pretty quickly, so apparently that "Everything is ship-shape" feeling doesn't give them the same positive feeling it gives me.

My friends are very hard workers in other areas, so I know it's not a laziness problem. To be honest, after knowing three of these gals for more than a decade, I think the root issue for some is that they are so perfectionistic they can't work on details of an overall imperfect setting, and for others that they don't really, in their heart of hearts, feel that they deserve a lovely home, so they don't prioritize it.

I am one of those born organized people, and I have worked hard to declutter. We are now a one-in-one-out family.

But, I never cared for cleaning.

Fortunately, when your house is clutter free and organized, it LOOKS a lot cleaner that it actually is.

I DO clean, but there is no joy, not like there is for organizing!

Reading your post made wonder if you know about FlyLady. www.flylady.net This site was started by one woman who was living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) because her house was embarrassingly messy. She now has an international following who seek motivation and routines to keep up with their homes. It starts simply with the kitchen sink and eventually goes through the entire house. Everything happens in manageable steps -- not an avalanche of advice. If you go to her web site, click on "Getting Started" in the upper right side of the homepage. Then click on the graphic for "FlyLady TV".

I am not religious about following all her methods but I do some of them like making the bed every day, doing dinner dishes right away and keeping the kitchen and bathrooms under control every day, getting to the laundry before the dryer dings a second time and folding and putting it all away immediately (my laundry is in the center of the house and this is not hard. After living with garage laundry that could only be reached via the front door, my tiny laundry closet is a dream come true.) Her message is delivered in an upbeat way and her methods work.

Good luck with it to you and anyone who gives it a try!

Cross stitch

Cross stitch, I do know about Flylady and tried to sign on, but the volume of emails snowed me under and I had to quit. But the idea was sound, and I would say it forms the basis of the strides I have made in conquering the house.

Certainly it helped to actually put housework on my agenda rather than expect that I was somehow just going to do it autonomously when the rest of my important things were done for the day.

Leafy, I have to tell you that you have nailed me to the wall with your descriptions of why your friends do not succeed at tidiness. Both apply to me very well, even though they seem on the surface, to be too contradictory to exist in the same person. My husband and I have a new motto for renovation - 90% is good enough - and I have to apply that to cleaning as well.

One foot in front of the other...

Karin L

I find one self-imposed rule is to have a place in the house for everything we own. Then work religiously to return things to their places. I try to turn around every time I leave a room and grab three things to put away. It's remarkable how much neater the house is when I keep this up.

Good luck with doing what feels right for you. Gotta tell you, I currently have a housekeeper every other Thursday for 4 hours. That is just what I need since she does many things that are either too much for me or I really dislike. Like the floors. I'm 67 and really hate vacuuming and getting down on the floor. This week she had surgery and we are on our own. As I was cleaning the kitchen counters, DH appeared out of his office with the vacuum cleaner. He did all the floors! Then helped me change the bed linens. After that I did the bathrooms with a smile on my face. It really helps to make it a team effort. We celebrated finishing with a quick lunch at the sandwich place around the corner.

re: FlyLady, I could not keep up, either. But the thing I learned from it that has been so helpful to me is using the timer. My perfectionist side wants a room entirely clean: closet organized and tidy, every single thing put away, nothing in the room that doesn' belong, floors cleaned, stuff dusted,etc. Oh wait, the curtains need washed .... Well, who has time for all that? Not me! So the tendency is to just not start a process I can't "finish".

Using the timer got me in the habit of both racing to "beat the clock" and making it okay to only spend however many minutes on a room. 15 minutes is plenty for everything but the kitchen right after a big meal prep. The closet may not be perfect, the dusting may not be done, the curtains are certainly not washed, but it's "done" and so it's better than perfect but un-done.

I will eternally be grateful to FlyLady for the timer.

Karin L

Karin L"

Karin it sounds like we have the same problem. If only the house would keep itself clean then maybe I could get on with my diy and things would eventually fall into place! It really is frustrating though trying to get it all done so I know what you mean.

I use and love the timer as well. I also like her decluttering methods. I think the lace up shoes idea works - I always feel more ready to work in my sneakers than sandals. My problem is sticking to it every day. There are so many things to focus on in life. You have to practice her routines and I think it eventually gets ingrained. My MIL is a born organized person. She naturally does a lot of thethings that flylady suggests so I think that is proof that it's a good system.

I always just feel overwhelmed. My house is big and so many rooms have closets filled with "stuff". It's hard enough to keep up with laundry, cooking, and life without having to go through closets, drawers, the attic, and basement. I think the key is to do your regular tidying up everyday and then set the timer and spend a half hour each day cleaning out clutter.