Shop Products
Houzz Logo Print
krystol_johnson

Need advice on staying on top of cleaning

Krystol Johnson
9 years ago

Hello!
I'm brand new to this forum but I've been reading through posts etc and love the advice given here and support.

So for me, I'm recently divorced raising 4 kids. My house is big so the mess feels overwhelming to me. During the divorce I was pretty depressed and all I did was work 12 hours a day, make dinner, spend some time with the kids then go to bed.. cleaning was off my radar so my house was really neglected. I mean it was so bad I'd have to wash my pots and pans just to make dinner, nothing was clean to start with. Well I'm really disgusted with it now and I'm feeling much healthier and happier these days so I'm ready to get my house back in order. But I just don't know where to start! It feels like a mountain and most weekends I'm gone so I can't just take a weekend to dive in so I need to be able to work on it after work each day.
So I usually work 10-12 hours a day, I do work from home but its still full work days in my home office.
So anyway, every single room in the house needs TLC, I have a moutain of laundry to conquer, dishes, clutter.. you name it, its there and needs work. I'm really embarrassed to even post this but I'd love some ideas/advice on how to get my house back in order.
I was on the flyday site today and that seems awesome. I was thinking about setting up morning, lunch and after work routines.. basically like my own chore chart. I can't do anything else until those lists are checked off. I tend to get off work and before bed just watch tv etc but I think I will use that as my reward for checking off my lists each day.
So anyway, for those of you with big homes/familes what routine works for you? How do you stay on top of it so if someone was to pop in for a suprise visit you don't want to go crawl into a hole and die???
also, if anyone else is just starting the flylady routine, want to buddy up?? I need support to get back on track. Thanks!

Comments (15)

  • talley_sue_nyc
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I just wanted to say that this:

    I mean it was so bad I'd have to wash my pots and pans just to make dinner, nothing was clean to start with.

    isn't the worst thing in the world. It's really just a matter of timing.

    So, here's my advice, which you should get out the salt shaker for, bcs it's going to need more than one grain!

    (Bcs I don't clean)

    Decide what matters most. What bothers you most, what's most important to keep people from getting sick?

    and do those things.

    also--you have kids, they need to help. Make your list of the bare minimum things that need to get done, and work out with them what they can be completely responsible for. And work out with them what should happen if they don't do those things, or what rewards there are if they do. Kids often like autonomy and responsibility; it's responsibility without autonomy, and with nagging, that they hate.
    of course, they also have to truly believe in how important their task is.

    When I was a kid, all after-dinner cleanup was ours. We divvied it up--one person cleared the table; another washed; another put dishes away (and yes, we put them away right before we did the washing of dishes--it was labeled 'okay' to have clean dishes in the dishrack during the day).

    Also, it feels better to do cleaning chores when other people are doing theirs--in toddlers, this is "parallel play." So maybe create a "parallel play" time every Saturday that involves everybody doing whatever larger sort of chore at the same time. With loud, loud music, maybe. And the person who finished their tasks first picks the music for the next session (reward!).

    Another thing is to get rid of as much stuff as possible. You can swiffer the house quickly if there's not all sorts of stuff.

    And simplify cleaning. Get a Swiffer duster, and you can do the living room surfaces pretty quickly. Wipes can make cleaning the bathroom fast and easy (just don't flush them).

    Hide all but 5 placesettings, so you can't have more than one day's worth of dirty dishes (and you'll have to wash them, or not have dishes for the next day) (if you have a dishwasher, this means you have to empty the dishwasher to set the table, so that emptying the dishwasher isn't an extra chore).

    I like your lists idea! and the reward! Just don't make the list so big that you have no leisure time.

    (You might also, when working with the kids, get out a timer and test how long it *really* takes to do something.)

  • Krystol Johnson
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I love your ideas! yes I need to prioritize for sure. The kitchen really is the heart of my house so I know if the kitchen is clean I just feel better over all so I think I need to focus on that room to start, decluttering, keeping a routing to keep dishes up etc and yes the kids definitely need to help. The problem there is they bounce back and forth between my house and the ex's house so if they have chores they may not be home that evening to do them, if the ex has them he keeps them until bedtime so they come home and go straight to bed, no chores done so its left to me. So I've been having them help when they are here but trying to come up with a routine I can do when they aren't. And they are 4 tornadoes for sure, I need to get better at just making them clean up after themselves, if they used the dish they clean it, if they left that book on the couch, they pick it up instead of not saying anything and next thing I know an entire bookcase is littered over the couch. It multiplies fast. They are ages 14 down to 7 so they are old enough to help but I have to be more consistant as well and I need to start that with me. Its a struggle for sure.

  • lazy_gardens
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    So for me, I'm recently divorced raising 4 kids.

    How old are the kids? If they are able to toddle, they can help out a lot.

    Here is a link that might be useful: Age-Appropriate Chores

  • Krystol Johnson
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    They are ages 14 down to 7, well she'll be 8 this weekend so yes they are old enough to help and they do have chores but nothing huge and again they are here and there (at the ex's) so I can't always count on them getting their chores done and have to do them myself.
    But the good news is.. yesterday I would consider a success. baby steps for me for sure but I did write myself up a daily routine.. nothing huge so far:
    Morning:
    Make bed
    Start a load of laundry
    empty dishwasher
    feed pets

    Lunch break:
    Switch out laundry and start new load
    Declutter counters/tables for 15 minutes

    After work, before I can sit:
    Load Dishwasher
    Clean out sink
    15 min pick up
    15 min Zone work (I'm doing flylady)
    Switch Laundry and fold and put away

    So yesterday I checked everything off the list. Is the house clean? No lol but its much better. I actually got ALL the dishes washed last night, took two hours but it felt good to know everything is clean and now maintenance will be easier with my routine.
    This morning I got up and showered, can't make the bed because my 7 year old is still in it but I did everything else, man that felt good! Now for me though is I always start with a bang, its KEEPING it up that is the challenge.

    How do you motivate yourself to not just let yourself slide and not get something done? What keeps you on top of your routines?

  • annkh_nd
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Routine is the key - but it takes a while to break old habits and learn new ones - especially if the schedule varies from day to day.

    It sounds like you're off to a good start, with your daily lists. It's going to take time to get the whole house under control, so concentrate on those areas for now. A little at a time, you can do more - like declutter a room.

    I had a thread this winter about all the stuff I did in my house, after helping my Mom move from her house to an apartment. Some of the things I did have been on my list for YEARS! Other things weren't on my big to-do list, but should have been. So trust me, you aren't alone!

    I find that once I get a room clean, it's easier to keep it that way. We remodeled the kitchen last year, and one of mu goals was to reduce clutter on the counters. In the new kitchen I have a drawer for knives, which got rid of two knife blocks; I have enough cabinet/drawer space now to get canisters off the counter. Those things weren't necessarily dirty or messy, but having things live on the counter made it easier to leave other stuff sitting out.

    For things like books in the living room - can you find a box or nice basket for each room? If you can train the kids (and yourself) to put things in the basket, even if they aren't put away the room won't be as cluttered.

    Good luck!

  • lazy_gardens
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    OK - I read it and they are 7 to 14. Definitely old enough to clean up after themselves and to share cleaning the common areas.

    READ THIS:
    http://strikingmom.blogspot.com/

    The problem there is they bounce back and forth between my house and the ex's house so if they have chores they may not be home that evening to do them, if the ex has them he keeps them until bedtime so they come home and go straight to bed, no chores done so its left to me. So I've been having them help when they are here but trying to come up with a routine I can do when they aren't.

    Talk to their father ... they should not be able to use "went to dad's / mom's" as a way of leaving their responsibilities to either of you. This is about raising them to take care of themselves, and be good partners and roommates for other people more than it is about keeping you from dropping dead of exhaustion.

    Distinguish between things that only affect one person with those that affect everyone, like cleaning common areas and doing dishes.

    Perhaps a "chores done over there before you come over here" policy?
    And a "If you left chores undone, you will go home in time to do them before bedtime" policy?

    Something like this: "Susie is running late because she forgot it was her turn to clean the kid's bathroom. Which is more convenient - picking the kids up after she's finished or bringing them back early so she can get it done before bedtime?"

    NOTE: This will affect the other children, but don't worry about it. The one responsible for the problems will get a LOT of hassling from the siblings to not ruin it again.

    Or, if the chores aren't done, the other kids go and the one who didn't plan it right can have another chance at it "next time". Do this once or twice, consistently, and they will become much better at remembering and time management.

    ===========
    Set a zero clutter policy for common areas : all personal possessions must be in their rooms before they leave for dad's or go to bed.

    In other words - out of your sight and not your problem.

    As for the clutter they inevitably leave when they zip off to dad's ... either toss it onto their bed so they have to deal with it when they really want to go to sleep, or if you feel less charitable, pick it up and toss it in a large box and put it in the trunk of your car.

    When they ask "Mom, where's my ___ whatever?" you smile and say, "It must be in your room. Did you put it in your room before you left yesterday?"

    You can let the confiscated clutter sit for a while and then appear on their bed, or make them ransom it back by doing something for you.

    ===========
    Adding - they should be doing their own laundry.

    Show them how and stand back. If they forget a load in the washer, take ot out and put it in a basket on their bed.

    ========
    If you keep picking up after them, and "doing for them", they will never learn to be self reliant.

    Mom as backstop is a bad thing when it comes to daily life.

    This post was edited by lazygardens on Wed, Jun 11, 14 at 11:18

  • raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    You might try also talking to the 14 year old, enlisting him/her onto the "management team" and asking him to help supervse the chore work of the younger children. He may like the responsibility, being treated as more of a "grown up".

    I was a single working parent from the time my daughter was 2. I did have to prioritize some chores and one that got eliminated was daily bed making, despite how nice it feels to walk into the room at night to a neat bed. It all depends on what makes you feel good in your environment. I decided I preferred to take that time to daily swipe down the bathroom. before I left it in the morning.

  • Krystol Johnson
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Lazygardens- your advice is very to the point and spot on, thank you so much! yes I need to stop letting them get by with only half helping and leaving it all to me. I know 90% of the messes in this house are not mine yet I'm overwhelmed with the task of cleaning it all up. That needs to stop. They are all old enough to contribute. I'm definitely going to implement that if their chores are not done before they go to their father's house they don't get to go. I also love the no clutter areas and throwing the stuff on their bed etc until they get the point. And I also love them doing their own laundry, I don't mind washing and drying but I'm going to implement them pulling out their own clothes, folding and putting away. These little things really will make a huge difference in what I can accomplish in this house, making it much easier to stay on top of and not feel like everything is on my shoulders.

  • talley_sue_nyc
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    There's also the "shovel everything from the living room into a basket, and when they get back from Dad's, they can't do -anything- until they have emptied that basket by putting stuff "away" away."

    And also maybe finding ways to make it easy to put stuff away *in* the living room.

    like, they each have a basket to toss stuff in for putting away in their room later (just have a time that they have to do this) so it isn't spread out. Then, it won't be as tempting to just leave it, since going to their room to put one thing away may be too big of an obstacle.
    And they can use the basket to carry it all to their room at once.

    Also, be sure the bookcase is easy to get to; people will put forth energy to climb over the sofa to get a book out, but any hoop you jump through to put stuff away just gets in the way.

  • Krystol Johnson
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I love the basket idea!!! I'm definitely going to try that one :)

  • annkh_nd
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    More on kids helping:

    Schedule a family meeting to discuss this. You can't just announce new rules and expect things to go smoothly. I've found my kids are a LOT more cooperative and helpful when they have some say in how things are done. More important, they may have some really good ideas that you didn't think of.

    Tell them that you are overwhelmed by the house, and that you need their help. List some of the things that need to be done regularly - laundry, dishes, vacuum, etc. Maybe they will want to set up a chore chart; maybe they want to alternate tasks by week; maybe one kid really doesn't mind doing laundry or dishes, and will take that on. Be flexible. Remind them that you're all in this together!

    Remind them that when the house is under control, you are more cheerful! And you will have time to do things like play games, watch movies, go places.

    Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

  • LucyStar1
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Flylady has a YouTube channel. Here is her video on routines.

    Here is a link that might be useful: Flylady

  • talley_sue_nyc
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Oh, regarding your list?

    Maybe make 2nd column and write down the *actual* number of minutes it takes to do this. (My iPod has a stopwatch feature--I suggest you be this exact.)

    So when you're tempted to not do something, you know it's really only 2 minutes.

    Or, if you find that you keep not doing something, you can look at the time and see if it's too long, and whether you should move it to a different day, or do it less often, or change how you do it so it's faster.

  • Krystol Johnson
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Thanks everyone! I have been actively working the flylady routines (thanks to the Flyhelper droid app!) and its made things so much better! I'm almost caught up on my mountain of laundry but my main living areas (foyer, living/dining and kitchen) are now clean and staying that way with me just making myself stick to the morning, afternoon and evening routines. This week I'm branching out to other rooms, my bedroom (the master) is this week so I'm going to deep clean it and the master bath attached and my walk in closet, so big task this week but I'm feeling up to the task :) I thin within by the end of July every room in my house will have had some serious TLC and then I can keep up with the flylady maintenance each month. But I'm not feeling gross and overwhelmed anymore. So that is nice :)

  • annkh_nd
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Congratulations! You must feel like a weight is off your shoulders, and I can imagine how wonderful it is to come home to a tidy house.

    Have you gotten the kids involved?