I am constantly picking up stuff off of the kitchen table, the top of the dryer, the kitchen counter and every other horizontal surface in our home. I tease him that if I weren't around (to pick up after him) the table would crumble under the weight of the stuff he leaves lying around. Gloves, junk mail, calculators, newspapers, books, cards, phone numbers on scraps of paper, you name it, he piles it up. In addition to my husband we have a 9yr old who brings home reams of papers, homework, worksheets, flyers from every recreation dept within 30 miles, hockey schedules, school play script, reminder notes, party invitations etc..... I feel like I am drowning in papers.

So here's what I've been threatening. I don't know if I'll be able to do it, but my plan is to STOP picking up after both of them for 10 days. I hope this will make my point (that they have too much stuff and need to organize it themselves) or give me more gray hair.

Anyone else tried this with their family? Wish me luck, I just can't stand it (the piles everywhere) anymore!

Kris

He leaves his wet towel on the floor everyday, he leaves glasses of water all over the house, change from his pockets is everywhere, bills, checks, enevelopes are everywhere... I know where you are coming from. My 3 year old sometimes scolds him (probably because she hears me doing it). He still does it everyday.

I admire you for going on the strike. You'll have to let me know how it works out.

O.K. -- yes indeed -- I DO sick of tidying after my DH.

BUT -- and this is JUST a thought for you to consider -------- is there a "system, routine and places" to handle the overflow of papers (of any sort and variety) including the daily mail?????

Please understand -- this is a discussion I've had with so many friends who feel the same way ------ and they admit that the SET-UP or SYSTEM is the key missing factor.

Just wondering!!!!!!!

I have a friend who gripes that her DH leaves his clothing all over the place. But....she picks it up and puts it in the hamper, washes and puts it away. I feel like she is totally reinforcing the behavior. I've suggested she just dump it in a laundry basket on his side of the closet and tell him if he expects clean clothing you will wash what is in the hamper.

I wouldn't go on strike just because I wouldn't want to live with the mess. You won't be able to function either. I would warn them you will pick up their stuff, put it in a bag and put it in the garage. If they have not retreived what they need, it either goes to the thrift store or in the trash.

Like teacat, I'm just trying to ask if there is actually a place for all of that stuff. Is there a system in place to deal with the papers (we look at them, say good job or put the event on the calendar and they go in the trash)? Newspapers are easy. Read and throw away or recycle. If you aren't getting them read, stop the subscription.

I view myself as the home manager. I set up the system that my family needs to follow so we can function. As a family, we are a team and no one person is allowed to keep their crap in spaces we all need to function (living room, kitchen, hallways, bathroom). This includes me and I've found when we start falling short, I'm the biggest offender.

So how about giving the family an alternative? Some type of system? A decluttering session so there is room for stuff.

Gloria

Going "on strike" did nothing but upset me even more and create an even messier house.

Good luck to you!

Sheryl

I like the basket idea. I may end up trying that.

And yes we have a system for most things, they just refuse to participate in organizing!

I wish that I had the nerve to have spent the morning doing something for me, like working on one of my quilts or crocheting, instead of picking up after those slobs that live in my house! OK it's their house too - they should help take care of it!!

I have talked to DH & explained that the house just gets on my nerves when there's stuff everywhere. I've also explained to him that vacuuming is impossible if clothes & shoes are on the floor. He still needs reminders sometimes, but has improved greatly.

I doubt that you going on strike will affect your DH or your son, unless you do what Jannie did & let them run out of clean clothes. It probably won't bother them if you let the newspapers & mail pile up.

I tried it once and nearly gave myself an ulcer. Even the neighbors were shocked at the sight of my house.

We have basic EASY systems in place that are not followed. DH figures it's his house, too, and if he doesn't want to put away his dirty dishes, pick up his dirty clothes, throw the newspaper in the recycling bin, hang up a wet towel, wipe off a sticky counter, etc, then he shouldn't have to. He doesn't expect ME to do it, he is just content to live that way.

My family has, obviously, still not caught on to FlyLady's shiny-sink idea after several years of my example.

I can't rely on him running out of clothes to get his attention. Laundry is one thing he does. However, he only starts the laundry he doesn't actually ever finish it. He has strict instructions to not touch my clothes. He has turned countless sweaters into Barbie doll sized clothes. Label reading is not one of his talents. Washes everything in hot water and runs the dryer forever.

I think I need another strategy for my family. Thanks for letting me vent!

That's a good start. When his plate slides off the table because the pile is so high, it may register with him.

"he only starts the laundry he doesn't actually ever finish it"

So .... if the wet clothing is still in the washer when you need to do a load, remove it, but DO NOT dry it. Just throw it in a laundry basket and let it sit. Ditto with the dryer. Remove clothing, but just throw it into a laundry basket. If he's not aorund to finish it, don't do it for him. If his clean underwear is too wet to wear, it will register with him.

I re-educated 3 college students with this method, especially the one who would start a load of laundry and vanish to his friends house for a couple of days: nothing like finding a moldy basket of favorite t-shirts, or a heavily wrinkled pait of jeans that would have been wearable if it war hung out of the dryer.

I tried it for a whole week once, which explains why I thought I was getting an ulcer.
LOL

Carol

My son collects dirty clothes in his room too. Should I quit reminding him to bring them to the laundry room? I never go collecting them, but I do tell him to bring them down to me. If I didn't remind him he would be out of pants before too long. Maybe I'll try that, it would be a small step towards my goal. One I could probably live with too. I'll let you know.

As for everything else around the house that everyone just seems to drop wherever, and the fact that there are never any towels because DD (16) has them all in her room on the floor, that IS a problem, and besides telling them that I won't take them anywhere until it's picked up, I don't have any solutions.

I don't know if this will solve your towel problem, but it helped me.

We each have a different color for towels, three for each of us. That way, if someone throws their towel on the floor or sticks it in the back of their closet (how lazy is that?), then _they_ don't have a towel.

It used to drive me crazy that I would hang up a towel while DH would kind of shove his on the holder, then he would take my nice, dry, pleasant-smelling towel the next morning and leave me one looking like a used Kleenex. Yuck.

Also, my little darlings would leave their towels wherever. Now everyone is a bit more responsible, 'cause Mama won't let them use her pretty pink towels. Ha!

Sheryl

Too bad the separate towels/cups isn't working.

Our DD doesn't have a problem with the towels, but with the water! Apparently, her indication that a shower is over is when the hot water is gone. We joke that the most important rule in our house is "don't shower _after_ DD." Seriously, if she jumps in first, you have to wait 30-40 minutes before you can take a warm shower. Without her, there is enough hot water for two people to take normal showers.

Good luck!

Lionors

OK ... when he has to go somewhere in his undies because all the pants are dirty, or wear a festering pair that has been lying on his floor for three weeks .... he'll learn.

On Saturday night, I decided to do just one load of towels. DH hadn't yet picked up his clothes and got mad at me for "washing my things and not his". I told him that I was only washing the towels and brought up to him that all he had to do was put his clothes in the hamper. I, on the other hand, had to wash, dry and fold them all. It seemed to me, I said, that he was getting the much better end of the bargain. He did, for at least this week, put all his clothes in the hamper. And I've decided not to pick up his clothes anymore although it drives me nuts to see them sitting all over the bedroom floor.

"I washed all the clothes that were in the dirty clothes hamper."

Or, throw them in the garbage, if you're REALLY mad, and you feel you've done all the reminding, instructing, etc., that is fair.

throwing clothes NEXT TO the hamper is beyond the pale. It's flat-out disrespectful. If he left the on the floor where he dropped them, you could say it was forgetful or lazy. Having the energy (and the brainpower) to toss the TOWARD the hamper, but not bothering to put them IN, is saying "you should pick up after me."

Not putting clothes in the hamper, if the hamper is in the same room as you when you're undressing, is just beyond it for me. My DD does this, and I'm so close to taking the clothes and tossing them. She gets a few more days of reminding, and then....

If I can't bear to toss them bcs of the money factor, I'm going to come up w/ something else--maybe a magic marker slash on her arm for each item of clothes that's on the floor, or maybe take the clothing items PLUS another thing away from her.

I do want to be sure she can easily reach the hanging hamper; that's her only excuse.

He has a teacher now that uses rubber stamps as rewards for grades. They can choose to have the stamp on their paper or on their hand or just recently my son has been comin home with stamps on his face. Yesterday a pink heart! Drives me nuts!

But so far she doesn't seem worried about appearances, nor does she get teased bcs she looks bad (she won't comb her hair, fights us over taking a shower, etc.)

Please don't.

It will reflectly bad upon you as well.

As to the clutter, if it is in your way or you just don't like the appearance of it (and it is UNREASONABLE clutter), I would just get a garbage bag and toss everying in it. Husband and other could then fish out whatever they were looking for when they needed it. I don't think it would be too long before they were a lot more cautious about leaving their things around! This is a little trickier since one person's definition of clutter is another's definition of homey! :)

Good luck!

Just my two cent's worth...
Good Luck!

What is it about men?! My fiance has the same problem w/ getting his clothes *into* the basket that is designated for dirty clothes. Usually he can make it just outside the basket on the floor, but never IN it! I couldn't do the "don't wash what's on the floor thing" b/c he's got so many clothes and isn't picky about what he wears, so it would take a good 2-3 months (maybe more) for him to run out. Also, as for socks/underwear, if he ran out of those he would probably just do his own laundry and I cannot stand the way he does laundry, and I feel like if reflects badly on me if his clothes don't look good. (I pride myself in my laundry skills.) :)

I guess you could say I am a bit picky about how some things are done, so of course, when I say something about it, in his eyes, I'm nagging. But, I only "nag" about the things that are so easy to do, that he usually spends more time/energy trying to get out of doing than actually doing; ie: throwing dirty clothes right next to the basket. I honestly don't think he does this on purpose, he just doesn't pay attention & doesn't care... This is one of my peeves.

What gets me is that he always says that he wants the house to be clean, uncluttered, etc., but he doesn't seem to be able to add himself to the "dirty house equation". I have 2 inside/outside dogs (St. Bernard & Choc. Lab) and he's a tad bit jealous of them, so of course, if the house gets messy it's automatically blamed on them. I realize that when you have pets in the house they are going to contribute to some of the dirt/mud tracked in, things getting knocked over (although this doesn't happen much now that I think about it), and miscellaneous messes (not potty messes) here and there, but I just don't see how it's their fault that the dirty plate on the table doesn't get put in the sink, or the soda can doesn't get put in w/ the recycling, etc. Grrr! I just get so worked up when I even think about this.

Oh, and just to clarify, he doesn't blame a dirty plate on the table on the dogs, just the house being messy in general, my point was that he doesn't understand that this kind of stuff just adds to the messiness and to my chores.

I attempted to do the strike thing for about 2 days, but then some of my family dropped by & I didn't want them to think I was a bad housekeeper, so I immediately started picking the mess up. Never tried that again, b/c it was driving me nuts anyway.

I've tried politely reminding him to pick up his clothes, towels, dirty dishes, whatever, but I always feel like I am nagging (probably b/c that's what he tells me) & I don't want to be like that. We will be moving into a new house soon and we've already discussed that we BOTH want it to stay nice & tidy, not spotless where visitors are afraid to come in, but neat & organized. So, I am currently divising a plan w/ baskets and other storage containers to try and accomplish this... I'll let you know how that goes.

So sorry for the rant... Had to vent a little I guess. :)

If anyone has any suggestions to my organizing plan, plz feel free to suggest away!

Thanks for listening!

Also, he won't part with disposable cigarette lighters when they have run out of fluid. Don't ask me why! I found them by the handfuls in different areas of the house and constantly tossing them out. Guess he's been doing this for a longggggggggg time! That and ink pens, markers, etc. Tons of little screws and other hardware parts are cluttering every drawer in the kitchen. The list goes on......................

Here are two ideas:

housefairy dot org

and

flylady dot net

If you visit these sites you will find simple, practical STRATEGIES for dealing with the clutter and lack of proper housekeeping routines. I have learned a lot from these two sites. I personally recommend them to anyone who feels overwhelmed by housework. If you follow the simple plan, you will start to slowly dig your way out of the mess. It will be a lot of work changing your own habits, and those of your family members--but your reward will be a peaceful, harmonious household. Good luck!

MaryLiz in Michigan

HOWEVER!!! He has always refused to do any home repair or deep-cleaning kinds of stuff, or painting, leak-fixing, etc. Claims he can't use a screwdriver, won't use power tools, and that it is more expensive to call a repairman to fix what he might wreck, so just call Bob the handyman in the first place. Thus, one of our toilets has been leaking for months, and one of the kitchen drawers fell off the track and I have to put up with it. I have several more BobJobs at the moment.

We have never worked on a home project together, and now that we are both home all day, I find that he is undermining my attempts to get control of the house again. We need to paint, caulk, change the furnace filter, fix the toilet, attack the backyard, clean the gutters - all jobs the kids and I did while he was at work and I worked part time. (Well, not the leaking toilet - that's a BobJob.) He is a writer and poet and silly romantic who charms me with a lovely line or pretty flower or just a sigh about what a nice day it is.

As for the original post - I figured my kids rooms were their personal places. Once they got old enough, I didn't clean their rooms or do their laundry, and any stuff they left lying around in the common areas I just tossed into their rooms for them to deal with. I would always help with the deep cleans (floors, windows, etc.) though. They usually kept a semblance of order in their rooms and could usually find what they wanted.

We raised six kids so laundry was a big deal around here, and letting them manage their own was useful. They borrowed each others clothing and were pretty good about finishing the loads they started, probably because what was left in the laundry room was considered common property!

Sherry

Very frequently I want to rant at DH or DD about their mess. But, if I look around, I see, my laundry is not put away, I have a pile of mag's here, some gardening stuff there...

I have made up my mind to work through all of my own clutter, habits, zones--whatever--meanwhile picking up others' stuff as much as I wish, or not, and just not say ANYTHING until I think I am in control of my own habits and stuff. I mean, I want to be able to look at a room and honestly see nothing there that I caused, did, bought, dropped, causing a problem. Because I know that that is what is bothering me the most--my own habits that I would like to change.

In my family, there's not a big fuzzy feeling of "let's get organized together." And I don't feel comfortable spilling the blame out of frustration with my own problems.

I also am taking a hard look at all my "homemaker" jobs and streamlining them ruthlessly--simpler groceries, meals, hobbies--so I don't blame someone else for my "complicated" life. I am lucky that my family also, to their credit, does not sit around expecting Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart. Instead, I'm the one who likes to cut and arrange flowers, or change the throw pillows, or cook, and then I find, maybe I took on too much for all of what else we've got going on, and no one to blame but me.

This doesn't mean that DD or DH would not have their own chores or responsibilities or that I can't say to DD, please pick up your stuff from the den, we're trying to tidy up today. It just means I've decided not to aim any "we're such a mess!" at them at this point, because I don't feel I'm a good example myself, yet. For me, I need that feeling of personal control to have credibility to ask someone else to try to do more to help.