Dianeb, Honestly, I'd like to say it's just a fluke but the truth is in todays world of healthcare if you aren't sick you usually don't get a whole lot of attention. Between HMO's and reduced insurance rates providers are seeing 2-3x the patients they would have fifteen years ago. That means reduced time in the exam room with you and even less time to fight through a chart which is usually unorganized and may even be missing the information they are looking for. We are slowly starting to see the use of electronic medical records or EMR's. These systems have built in safeguards which will ultimately make everyone healthier. My office is entirely EMR and if you were to come in not having had these tests when I come in your exam room with my chart pad I'm going to get a message telling me that Dianeb hasn't needs a routine (fill in the blank) based on current guidelines. It's sad but truthfully I (and most other humans) may not always remember what prevenative testing you need when I know I've got a waiting room full of people, a patient in the ICU who is getting worse by the minute and a pediatric patient that we just can't figure out why they're sick. As far as the labs I posted above, these are just very basic testing. They will tell us the state of your kidney function, liver function, blood clotting ability, cholesterol levels as well as give us some insight in to how your body is functioning. These are very basic and is where we usually see the first *doesn't look quite right* that prompts further testing. Be Well! D. Adams, NP

Because the situation has some extreme aspects to it, I can see your frustration over what sounds like an extreme discrepancy between the way the kids are treated. I'm sure that it must be hard to watch, and there are no easy answers for how to make things fair... because the kids in general have had very different lives and experiences and continue to do so. It's kind of like comparing apples and oranges, and that's what makes the 'fairness' hard to determine. I agree that your husband should cut back a bit on the buying of luxuries, and he certainly shouldn't buy them every time she asks for one, and certainly not on command in general... But I also see where you and your bio-kids have to adjust your thinking a bit too. First of all, the following thinking needs to be adjusted: "he loves and cares about he more than he does us and that is painful to have him put first when i am demented in thinking we were here first.." Because actually, your Sd was there first. Not saying that this automatically means each and every time that she has to be "first' on everything, but her existence is a fundamental point of fact that you seem to be mis-perceiving. Also "i wouldnt have chosen a man with children because i didnt ever want my children or me to be second to someone elses children...but here i am..and here she is..." Well, you very much DID choose a man with a child: another fundamental fact which you seem to be ignoring. Finally, you mentioned that it upsets you to see your husband providing for his daughter her b/c he doesn't provide for you in that exact manner. But the thing is, not only is she his minor child, but she is also a minor child that he DIDN'T provide ANYTHING for for the vast majority of her life. So yes, a certain amount of this is making up for that past irresponsibility and neglect. Clearly not in an ideal way, but he at least is trying to own up to his paretal responsibilities to her in SOME way now. But as everyone has noted, of course this can create other problems. Namely how your children perceive the situation. The only thing I can suggest as to how to address it with them is by an honest explanation incorporating some real-life lessons about: the fact that life doesn't always treat everyone exactly equal in exactly the same ways at the exact same times because we all have different lives; the fact that people make mistakes but that the right thing to do is to address those mistakes and make amends like your husband is doing; and that no matter what it may appear someone else has, on the surface, you never know what they have endured, or what they have lacked deep down, in the past, etc. Not to be overly dramatic about it, and it's not the best comparison, butit's soemthing along the lines of how it may be explained to kids that some kids get out of certain chores b/c they have a physical disability, or soem kids get out of certain homework assignments b/c they have a learning disability, or some kids get first consideration at colleges b/c they are in a certain minority group, or some kids are just born to rich parents and simply get more than other kids, period. If you think about it, at some point, we all learn these type of lessons, b/c if we didn't we'd all be pretty bitter and think that life is terribly unfair and that people who have certain advantages that we don't have are automatically happier. And this whole thing underscores the point that money shouldn't be a defining thing in happiness or relationships... the very point that is trying to be made about why it's upsetting to see Dad spend so much money on SD.

For me lately it has been less about an item of clothing and more of a color: brown! Despite the fact that i have a LOT of black, white and gray clothing that i really really like and looks good on me (i think!), I have been very attracted to browns, tans and creams. i have about twelve pairs of slacks in that color range, many turtlenecks, sweaters, and a vintage brown corduroy jacket piped in brown velvet (with a pleated back). It all just feels cozy and warm and safe and I guess I am looking for that right now. We are packing for a three day trip to California that could turn into ten days or even two weeks. We are each taking three bottoms and three tops, a sweater, two shoes and a light jacket along with underclothes and eletronics. One carryon each… mine will be filled with brown ❤️

It’s been a quarter century for me (which feels unbelievable), but other than hot flashes I had a relatively easy time. I had my kids at 41 and 45 after years of trying/ fertility treatments and several miscarriages; as it turned out both successful pregnancies were achieved without intervention other than acupuncture. I had three light periods after my daughter was born at 45, and that was it. Apparently she squeaked in just under the wire! I tried hormone replacement early on, but I as remember it made me feel moody and depressed and I stopped and never took any other treatment. Reading all these stories I feel quite fortunate. One thing I have noticed is that I became much more even-keeled and calmer post menopause, which I very much prefer to my previous (somewhat) roller coaster emotional state.