Soooooo happy I found this post. I just got off the phone with my mother after a heated argument about my long-standing decision not to have children. Actually, it was just a repeat of the same argument we've been having for *years*. I'm confident in my decision, but I often feel like I'm the only 31-year-old woman in my area code who does not want children. I know there are others out there, but they are completely absent from my current sphere of influence. It gives me such peace to hear that many of my opinions/positions/frustrations/etc on the matter are shared by other reasonable, conscientious, and (seemingly :)) well-adjusted people. For me, the CBC decision sprang from deeply rooted environmental concerns. That angle never works with anyone I know, so I usually defend myself by employing the standard "we're not thinking about that right now", "we might adopt at some point in the future" and/or "we don't think we'd make good parents" non-committal-type responses. This post has armed me with so many great arguing points, I'm tempted to call my mother back. She, too, loves the "childless people are selfish" argument. I always counter with the notion that, if all childless people possess that character flaw, perhaps their reluctance to bear offspring serves a greater societal purpose. Selfish people would most likely be crappy parents. I don't feel as though I'm selfish, nor do I think my friends and family regard me as such. I imagine if I *had* to raise a child I would be at best, an average parent. If Mom's postulate is true, and I am innately selfish, I thinks it comes from the belief that I would be a far more creative, useful person without children in my life-- as would most people, if they were really honest with themselves.

I should probably NOT have had a child, but in the early '60's that's what one did. Get married, have a kid, and live happily ever after. NOT! Many mistakes were made raising my son alone, but happily he has turned out to be a quite well-adjusted man who owns his own business and does well at it. He recently told me "you did a good job raising your son." He has been married for 25+ years, and has raised a wonderfully self-sufficient daughter (recently married to a nice young man whom I don't know that well) and a precocious 7-year old boy who will be a dynamo in whatever field he chooses. I'm certainly not sorry I have a child, in fact I'm grateful. My GD and I have been linked like you wouldn't believe ever since her mother first put her in my arms at a few weeks old! I can't describe the emotion! My younger brother and his wife decided early on not to have children. That was the choice appropriate to them, and most importantly, it was THEIR CHOICE. I don't know if they regret it or not, we don't talk about it. I know they have enjoyed a great many experiences which would have been curtailed, if not eliminated, if there were kids involved. They too, have their own business and run it very successfully. To have children or not? This is a question which must be discussed, and discussed again, and again, as couples grow together. And always, it is THEIR CHOICE. My soapbox speech is done. Not sure if any of this is even to the point anymore.

Wow....what an amazing list of people.... too many of them no longer with us or active here. It is nice to remember some of their names and their struggles that we shared. Thanks for the memories.

That's why the criteria for retiring is entirely different than those for working and commuting. When I used to live 12 miles outside of Manhattan and commute, it usually took an hour by train and ferry or train and subway, and about an hour and 20 by car at rush hours. But one summer Friday night my car service took 3.5 hours, and one New Year's Eve DH drove us home from Lincoln Center in under 30minutes ( a record! but still not great for people who travel 12 miles in most of the country!) In a similar vein, somewhat facetiously, I told DH we should look for a home in a bad school district. What do we need with schools? ( I know I know, it drives home values and is also a social obligation). Jojo - If you are reading, I think you first suggested Winter Park. If we end up wanting to be on a lake, what did you think of Windermere? I know you lived there at one time? It doesn't seem to have a downtown and a lot of the housing stock is a little OTT stylistically, but curious what your thoughts were. It came up when I was looking for lakefront.