My comments on devoting time and effort to the couple are based on people I know in "real life" ( not reel life? LOL!).. One couple were so osessive that they wouldn't allow their daughter to do her home work alone, nor practise the piano....and another's children are 19 and 17....and the parents have spent so much time going to, refereeing at, keeping score for, timing races etc that they have no social life at all....nada....zilch. he has a big volunteer job which takes him out of the house 2 days a month, she used to volunteer and I would see them out to dinner...but no more...too busy with kids sports, concerts. The first couple's kids are well grown....and the couple has moved to the area where the kids are.... And I suspect the other couple are soon to be one of those couples where he watches TV in the den and she in the kitchen. No clubs, no organizations, no adult couple friends...it's sad. And, Julie, I have seen too many who forget how to be a couple other than as parents. I believe that once a parent always a parent ( one of my childless acquaintenances once invited me to a party for another couple who were celebrating the end of parenting because their youngest had left for college! I didn't go!)...but I have seen parents who can't let go.....they drop everything and move to where their adult children live, and when the children get a job transfer....do it again. I have 2 children and 7 grandkids. Both mothers work, one full time and the other 4 days a week. Both are very involved in ball games ( of several kinds!) dance, religeous ed etc.....but they try to do a "date" at least once a month. It's not easy finding a sitter...but it can be done. And for the sake of your sanity and the future of your marriage, I recommene it. How many people do you know got divorced after the kids left home?....I know a lot! Linda C

This just happened to us- it was a failed vasectomy. My wife and I never wanted children, in fact we never really liked them. We don't hate kids, but we just don't enjoy being around them for very long. As I said, my vasectomy failed after about a year and in June my wife found out she was 6 months pregnant. If you're relying on a vasectomy for birth control, don't play around- get tested, get pregnancy tests. We gave birth to a wonderful 6 lb boy who we gave up for adoption- we don't regret doing so, and seeing how the adoptive parents responded (6 yrs trying childless couple), it was the best thing I've ever done for anyone. But the thing thats scaring the h3ll out of me is Janet seems to have gone off the deep end thinking about how nice it might be to have a child of her own. My feelings haven't changed at all- I love our son and he's in a home with absolutely commited, loving parents, but I really don't want to be a parent. If this is in fact how she ends up feeling after the post-birth hormones stop rampaging through her, I face the prospect of either divorce or somehow acclimating myself to being a father. I know many people must have gone through this, but I simply don't want it. Janet & I started out because we've always felt on the same page about this. I love her so much and I just can't see getting a divorce from such a wonderful woman over this- but I tell you I am possibly caught on the horns of a very big problem. Anyone who says "Parenting is the Natural/Moral/Good/Right thing- or Its The Will of Some Higher Power..." as the reason why I should somehow welcome this can stuff it- the world is a big place and more diverse than anyone can really know, and its not fair to put philosophical boxes around people. Some may welcome and/or desire parenthood, more power to them- I simply don't want it. If I have to, I will do my best, but I feel as if I will be abandoning the last shreds of control I have over my own life- and having to accept the consequences of the choices only my wife wants- for the next 18 or more years. If she really ends up wanting children, its not fair for me to categorically refuse either. I've been searching around for support groups speaking to this kind of issue, but they don't seem to have a very big presence. Gregm

I should probably NOT have had a child, but in the early '60's that's what one did. Get married, have a kid, and live happily ever after. NOT! Many mistakes were made raising my son alone, but happily he has turned out to be a quite well-adjusted man who owns his own business and does well at it. He recently told me "you did a good job raising your son." He has been married for 25+ years, and has raised a wonderfully self-sufficient daughter (recently married to a nice young man whom I don't know that well) and a precocious 7-year old boy who will be a dynamo in whatever field he chooses. I'm certainly not sorry I have a child, in fact I'm grateful. My GD and I have been linked like you wouldn't believe ever since her mother first put her in my arms at a few weeks old! I can't describe the emotion! My younger brother and his wife decided early on not to have children. That was the choice appropriate to them, and most importantly, it was THEIR CHOICE. I don't know if they regret it or not, we don't talk about it. I know they have enjoyed a great many experiences which would have been curtailed, if not eliminated, if there were kids involved. They too, have their own business and run it very successfully. To have children or not? This is a question which must be discussed, and discussed again, and again, as couples grow together. And always, it is THEIR CHOICE. My soapbox speech is done. Not sure if any of this is even to the point anymore.

Wow....what an amazing list of people.... too many of them no longer with us or active here. It is nice to remember some of their names and their struggles that we shared. Thanks for the memories.