Hello Everyone, I'm not sure what's going on with me since I have nobody to ask (except a cousin that I communicate with via IM) she says it's menopause. I've read some of the threads here about symptoms and although I'm experiencing most of them I'm not sure, First I'd like to start off by saying I'm 43, I don't have any kind of health insurance and very little money ( I live with my boyfriend of 5 years) I don't work, he does, so I can't even afford to see a doctor. I've been to the emergency room 4 times this year, what a joke that experience was. I did manage to come up with some money to go see a "family" doctor a couple of weeks ago ( another joke) the only thing he did was get my test results from my last visit to the E.R. a month before, he never even listened to me "try" to describe the problems I was having, instead he told me I could be possessed by demons (needless to say I'll never go see him again). Anyway... I just need to describe the symptoms I'm having and maybe someone could tell me if I'm going to die or not. As I said before I am experiencing some of the symptoms I've read here.. such as the rapid heartbeat, nausea, dizziness, headaches, panic attacks, tingling, pressure in my chest, vertigo (more like being hit in the face than falling) but this is what i need an answer to, hot flashes, they aren't really hot and the don't start in my chest and move to my face, it's more of a warm feeling in my legs moving up but by the time it reaches my stomach that's when the explosion happens. is this a hot flash? I also know when I'm going to have a "spell" before it happens, I can feel it coming on. I get very afraid, I think I'm going to die, panic attack, I have what feels like electricity shoot through the back side of my head into my brain. i don't get hot, it's just like when you get car sick and I haven't had any night sweat's ( tho my cuz said i will) that's something else I have to look forward to. Am I going to die? I'm so afraid of dying that's all I think about these day's. While I was in the E.R. they did an ekg and a catscan ( I had a brain tumor when I was 14 and have a shunt in my head) both of those tests came back normal, they also did a blood test, normal except my white blood count was a bit high ( don't know what that means) surely if it was bad they would have told me. If I just knew for sure that it's peri maybe I wouldn't be so afraid. I've also started keeping a journal on when I have these attacks and I've noticed that they always happen the day before my period, but last month was the worst, I started my period on schedule ( the day before had a "spell") it lasted 5 days very heavy but thats normal for me, but 2 weeks later I had another period just like my normal one ( that's when i saw the "family" doctor) except this time the spells lasted all during my period and a couple of days after. As of this writing I'm having a sick feeling in the middle of my stomach and what feels like a small lump in the back of my throat, PLEASE.... can someone tell me what's happening? Does anyone else have these things happening to them? Any advice would be appreciated, just don't tell me I need to see a doctor because I know that already, I can't afford it right now. Thank you in advance