OK. Let's guess what he might be thinking/feeling. He made a lady pregnant and married young. During the infactuation phase, everything seemed ok, except he had a little nagging doubt sitting on his shoulder. Now, he 20 yr old and thinks, what have I done? Have I chose the right one? Will I be happy 10 yrs from now? The soul fire has gone out lately and I think that I could be more attacted and turned on by someone else. But, how can I call it quits and start over with a child. I feel trapped; I'm unhappy about it. Notice there is alot of "me" and "I" centered stuff in the above paragraph. He'll never be happy until he passes into a different phase where he thinks, "She's pretty good; Good looking, too. She a wonderful mother. I wonder if I could turn her into a tiger in bed? How could I give her a mini-vacation? The other possibility is that he is scared witless about the prospect of having another child. He sees the financial burden as too great for his career to support. The though of heavy responsibility can turn down the flame. Older men who are experienced and well extablished in the job world are more confortable with this, but for guys these days with the changed economy, that does not happen until they are in their 30s. Some men do well with the challenge of responsibility, while others wilt. If he's concerned about fathering another child, he and his wife should consult with a doctor about medical procedures that can insure no more children. In this case, it should be him that undergoes a procedure if that's what he wants. The woman should remain fertile just in case the marriage breaks apart anyway in the near future. He needs to consult with a therapist who can point out the positives in his wife and give him ideas of how to capitalize on this. The sex part will heal itself after he gains a better feeling and sureness about the relationship. Some therapists will "test" the relationship to reveal strengths and weaknesses. That would be a disaster in this case. Choose a therapist who looks for the positives and then works with those. This man needs assurance that 10 years down the road, he'll be happy with his mate, and will feel that it was a wise choice. Sure, there are others in existance that can be a sexual turn-on, but then, if the wife is too, isn't that the better situation? Those other side infatuations can have big, unknown negatives as well. Somehow, he needs to get past the age of 40.

First of all, I wud like to thank you all for your valuable inputs. I feel much better having spoken my heart out. Nothing has changed in my life yet but atleast I can think more clearly now. Some of you have been very supportive, by that I don't mean agreeing with me but saying things the right way. Some of u are just being nasty & don't seem to have a broader view of life. I don't want to waste my energy answering carla35/mkroopy, but I wud like to reply to asolo. I see my future in the post titled "loveless/sexless marriage". Your reply to this post was interesting. You are advising this person that its ok to leave & be hopeful that she will find someone. I am not nit-picking & I had to give some example for the folks here to understand my husband's personality. Its all these small little things that makes a complete person. And the folks who are picking on me are completely ignoring the positive things that I have mentioned about my husband. Anyway, I came to this forum within days of me developing feeling for the other guy & the reason being I did not feel right about it. I was also worried like the OP of "loveless/sexless marriage" that my life would end up in a similar fashion which is not imagination, as u can see, someone is experiencing it. I do not want to spend all my life waiting for something to happen that may never happen. Another reason I came to this forum was I wanted to ensure I was not blowing things out of proportion. I got enough inputs & I am again thankful to everyone. I think I am going to quit at this stage as like I said earlier people start getting judgemental the moment u say u are attracted to someone. So I may not find any more useful suggestions. You don't have to agree with me but I wud like to hear from someone who has been through a similar situation & how they handled it, but not people who just use this forum to vent out their pent up anger.

The quote below should apply to all of you. I hope it will help you realize that a sexless marriage is not supposed to be a big deal as marriage is about intimacy rather than physical. We all want a successful relationship. Where does sex fit in? An article in 'Psychology Today' noted that sex was 'far down the list of reasons for a happy marriage.' #6 Less than 10% of the individuals with successful marriages thought good sexual relationships were important in keeping their marriage together. Research data revealed, in this study of some 300 couples married more than fifteen years, that sex is not the key to a happy, fulfilled marriage. #6 What is the key? The top two reasons given by both sexes as to why their marriage kept going were the same: #6 1) My spouse is my best friend. 2) I like my spouse as a person. Come on. I doubt ANYONE here would equate those two things. And sex (or what is typically thought of as sex between two persons) is a DESIRE. No one NEEDS sex. goldfish_lover's comment. This guy above who said this is not against sex, but he does believe it is way overrated. I also fail to see how sex is an innate need, could anyone elaborate on this? For me, it's not even a desire but a strong repulsion. "Studies show that a relationship based on physical attraction may hold itself together for three to five years. During that length of time two people are fooled into thinking, "Well, we've been going together for so long, surely we can make it for a lifetime. This must be love." On the other side of marriage, they wake up to see they had little in common and no basis for a quality relationship." #7 goldfish_lover's comment. I totally agree with the above. I have observed marriages where the physical passion and lust fade after an average of 3 years. If there is true love, the marriage will last with wife and husband being emotionally, spiritually and psychologically comptable as best friends. Otherwise the marriage will fail as do up to 70% of marriages fail. There's only one safe way to remain healthy in the midst of a sexual revolution. It is to abstain from intercourse until marriage, and then wed and be faithful to an uninfected partner. It is a concept that was widely endorsed in society until the 1960s (and look what's happened since then..........) goldfish_lover's comment. This is what everyone needs to learn in abstinence ed. Addressing Amy: "What interests you in Marriage?" Nothing but I wanted to post here to help others understand marriage and make them realize that sex is NOT a big factor in marriage. I also wanted to point out that alot of people are asexual, including me. "Also, more questions. Is "asexual" a term you have defined, or is it actually an official term? Are there associations available for 'asexuals' the way there are for homosexuals and heterosexuals, or is 'asexual' more of a strictly descriptive term?" Please google up asexual(human)(orientation) it's official and while there are few associations, it's slowly changing. Asexuality is getting more awareness. "but sexual aversion doesn't make a person asexual. For a person to be asexual, there would be no hormones, no sex drive, no libito exisiting - to be anti sex is simply to be celibate, which is not what you're describing. You are saying, if I'm correct, that you are BOTH without a sex drive/libito/hormones (born that way) and you are also anti-sex. I have yet to come across any information on this -" That's correct and you can find all the info you want on Google. You and anyone else is welcome to contact me on AIM messenger, Yahoo or MSN. My email is morganNOSPAMmast at yahoo com. (remove the no spam) make sure the subject line begins with "hello goldfish_lover....."

I feel compelled to give you all an update. We talked some more today and she told me that part of the reason that she married me was to get out of her bad situation at home. She also told me that she would do anything for the kids but maybe not for me. The cincher she told me that we have nothing in common and the she thinks she may just want to live alone. She doesn't have a great relationship with her family, but what I noticed today is that we weren't sad talking about ending the marriage or anything like that. It was like planning a trip or something. It was very weird. As crazy as this sounds, I have always had to take care of her as well as the kids so I keep thinking that I need to fix this as well. Until today. I told her to make a decision and tell me how she feels and what she wants to do. I think it will probably end I just need to see a divorce lawyer and start to learn more about what I need to do. It's time for me....I'm tired of taking care of everyone else....may sound arrogant...but I'm exhausted and not going to stay with someone that doesn't want me around. I told her that there are times that I see her looking at me in disgust...she said sometimes she does. Being alone and enjoing my kids is better than wasting my time taking care of someone that doesn't want me around. I hope I meet someone too that wants to laugh, travel and enjoy life. Life isn't very enjoying to me right now and all the counseling in the world won't make me forget what she said to me. Take care everyone and thanks for all your advice.