I think (hope) doctors today have the mindset of sparing what organs they can. I've read/heard arguments on both sides of the story. Here's some info from the wall street journal health journal: Cutting Less More doctors are challenging the convention of removing the cervix during a hysterectomy. Here's why: * Pap smears have sharply reduced the incidence of cervical cancer. * Sparing the cervix reduces the risk of bladder damage. * Some doctors say it may improve sexual function. Some 600,000 hysterectomies are performed in the U.S. every year, making it the second-most common women's surgery after Caesarean section. It is done to remove cancers of the uterus or cervix, or more commonly to treat a painful condition called endometriosis or because of noncancerous uterine growths called fibroids. Prior to 1940, nearly all hysterectomies preserved the cervix because it was easier and safer given the lack of antibiotics and blood banks. But by the 1960s, removing the cervix, viewed as a cancer preventative at a time when Pap smears were still fairly new, became standard. Now the tide appears to be turning. In 2006, 9.7% of U.S. inpatient hysterectomies, which account for more than 90% of the procedures, preserved the cervix, compared with just 1.7% a decade earlier, according to federal data. ------- Just sharing that info, not saying they are right. It's something anyone considering a hysterectomy should think about. I'm just thankful that we have alternatives to an actual hysterectomy these days. tina

Hello Fay-Lisa, You've been through so much, you should get a medal for staying as strong as you have and being able to maintain your job and relationship. You are absolutely NOT insane or anything close to it. Many people have that moment in life (or several) in which they feel like they have *had* it. They may not use markers to vent their frustration/anger/anxiety/depression but they do all kinds of other things -- eat too much, drink too much, have affairs, spend too much, leave their families, withdraw completely and so on. First things first, you are doing the right thing by getting all the physical tests out of the way. My first thought after reading everything you've been through is that you might need to see an endocrinologist to have your thyroid and hormone levels thoroughly checked (forgive me if you said you have already done then). If all the tests turn out to be in the normal range, then it's time to consider other possibilities. You may have some kind of chemical imbalance which might be helped with the right kind of medication. This process is most definitely trial and error, and I certainly understand your frustration with the various medications and their respective side effects. I don't like taking them either, but they do have their place as part of an overall approach to tackling and managing symptoms. One suggestion I have is for you to find a *good* therapist -- someone who is very experienced and has training in working with people who may have emotional damage from childhood. You mentioned in your post some unkind things your mother said to you when you were young. I imagine there's a lot more where that came from. Was there alcoholism in your family of origin? Are there others in the family or extended family who have struggled with mental health issues? One psychiatrist I consulted with asked me what kinds of mental health issues there were in my family (I, too, was struggling with terrible depression and panic attacks/anxiety). When I told him there were family members with bi-polar, extreme anxiety, schizophrenia, alcoholism and chronic depression, he said, "well, what did you expect?" The truth is most families have members who cope with these illnesses. A psychologist said that each of us has a collection of genes that contribute to our personalities and temperaments. We just have to work on doing the best with what we've got. You sound like a very self aware, strong person. Please please please do not be so hard on yourself. I am an easy going, peaceful person usually-- but when I have gone through difficult times in my life the anxiety and depression caused me to behave in ways I'm not proud of -- angry, irritated, crying, throwing things, hiding, having major panic attacks where I felt outside of my own body. That's called disassociation and it can happen when anxiety and depression go on for too long without proper treatment. In addition to all this, there is the real possibility that you are now in perimenopause and many of your current symptoms may have been caused or made worse by it. I think I've had every symptom in the "34 symptoms of menopause" list." I've always dealt with anxiety and depression, but this was so deep and dark -- I'm thankful to God that I finally found a competent therapist, the right medication and inner strength to choose to believe in myself and stop condemning myself. This is a choice you can make too and I hope you will. It sounds like you're a caring, compassion, intelligent and very sensitive person. Those are gifts worth celebrating!! It's so easy to slip into that groove of basing your self worth on your job. I'm a decade older than you, and I'm here to tell you, the quality, richness and success of your life is not about what you do to earn money to support yourself. It's about your relationships and your experiences. What do you do to relax and have fun? Fulfilling life experiences don't have to cost a lot of money. You don't have to have a lot of friends, but you do need a support system you can turn to for a listening ear and encouragement. There are many ways you can cultivate loyal, kind and supportive friends. You deserve to have people in your life in addition to your wonderful boyfriend who care about you and will treat you like the amazing person you are. Life goes by so quickly. Take each day as it comes and don't worry so much about the future. As the saying goes, we only live 24 hours at a time. And if I'm having a really bad spell, I take it about an hour at a time : ) Be good to yourself. You might find yoga relaxing or some other kind of exercise class. You might also find a support group beneficial -- it's always comforting to know you're in good company when it comes to dealing with life's difficulties. Think about what makes you the happiest and resolve to pursue these things. Don't ever let anyone make you feel "less than" about anything -- whether it's your job, appearance, hobbies, friends -- all these belong to *you* and if someone doesn't have something supportive or helpful to say to you, tune it out!!! It took me years to learn how to do this, but I am happy to say, it can be done!! Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. I am interested in finding out what the test results will show. But no matter what, cherish yourself and look for the positive things that happen each day -- even the smallest good things matter. God bless you and good luck with your appointments next week!!

Boy, can I relate to this post. I could of wrote this myself. I had an FSH of 29 two years ago, along with horrible symptoms of irregular heartbeats , extreme anxiety, Insomnia...on and on. The Doc said early Menopause, I had it retested last month, it was 4 !!!!! I had the same reaction as you... I am expecting the worst, as some of my symptoms have lessened , now I am thinking it will all start over full force. I had waited to re-test the FSH , and thought that maybe I was Post , as I have felt somewhat better with some of the symptoms... I had my Uterus removed 15 years ago, so no periods to help establish where I am in all this. I am confused as to what this all means just like you, You are the first one I have found to have the same issue, sorry for you, but a relief for me to have someone to talk to !! I am wondering if it has something to do with he Thyroid.. as I am Hypothyroid, with Hashimotos Disease. I was curious before, but now I see you have Thyroid issues also, wondering if there is a connection... the Thyroid is part of the Endocrine system like the Ovaries ... Anyways, I feel like I am rambling.. just know that you are not alone, and I hope you fee better knowing that someone else is dealing with the same craziness, I know I sure do. Peace, Rebecca

I didn't start with constant bleeding...but my periods would be so heavy I literally could not leave the house when that was going on. My doctor wasn't concerned, only told me if I started passing blood clots the size of a 50 cent piece THEN we would need to discuss options. I would have less than two weeks between periods but at least it wasn't every day all month. The high anxiety was the symptom that sent me to the doctor because I was certain I was having a nervous breakdown. Looking back now...the beginning of feeling like I was 'out-of-control'...'out of whack' with what used to be a normal life was the beginning of the change. Now I'm just waiting to get to the other side and hopefully find what's left of my brain there and pick up the pieces and move on!