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Hard to post this

Posted by smokymist (My Page) on
Sun, Jun 29, 08 at 16:39

Boy is it hard for me to post something so personal that I know will show up if anyone does a search for my username, but I need to talk !!
I dont' know what I'm going through. I'm 43, will be 44 in Sept. I'm a single mom, very close to my kids, and they are great kids, alot of help to me, alot of support.
I work from home also, so I don't exactly get out and have alot of 'outside' friends I can sit and chat with about this.

How do you know if you're going through menopause ? I dont' have insurance, but I'm thinking i'll have to bite the bullet and go to the doctor.

I've always been emotional, and always cried easily, but this past year...man has it gotten worse. Especially the past three-four months. And right now...this feeling of this deeply rooted sadness that is almost physical.
My periods have gotten worse every month, and this month, If you include today ( which is the last day of the month), I'm having two.
I was listening to the radio yesterday and a song came across, from the 80's ...something like ' Living long after the thrill ...of living is gone" and boy did that one make me cry !!
Things are bothering me and sticking to me like never before. Problems at my daughter's dance studio are bugging me so much I go to bed thinking about them, wake up thinking about them, and no amount of trying to talk myself out of thinking about them is helping me.
I can't sleep. I never can sleep a full night through. The least little sound wakes me up, it could be a fly in the room and it wakes me up.
I've noticed a big difference in my hair of all things...not as shiny anymore, seems thinner and lifeless. I know that's probably a small thing, but it bothers' me ! I'm tender and sore in places and having little cysts come up under my arm the size of peas. They stay a while, are very sore, then go away.
My energy level has dropped drastically. I'm having a hard time finding any fun in life anymore, and this is crazy cause in January I was having a blast doing the Tyra Banks show in New York...but just months later it's different !

So am I going nuts ? Is it too early to go through menopause. Years ago my doctor told me I was experiencing Peri-menopause, but that was like 8 years ago, and she couldn't do a thing for me.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Hard to post this

Hi Smokymist,

I had to write because I also started crying a few weeks ago when I heard the lyrics, "Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone..." Another song, "Everybody hurts" also gets the tears flowing. I went from "normal" to most of the feelings you described within a two month period. It started with getting depressed when people didn't reply to my e-mails quickly. How silly is that! Then I obsessed about friends I have lost touch with over the years and the mistakes I've made raising my daughter.

I have good insurance so I've had a battery of tests for my symptoms and the only sure thing they found for me is "ovarian failure" translation: menopause. The blood test is for follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). If it's above a certain level it indicates menopause. I have unusual symptoms including nausea, dizziness and head pressure which don't fall under the list of menopause symptoms-hence lots of tests. Maybe there is something else going on, but they haven't found it yet. I hope you will find a way to visit a good medical facility. It helps a lot just to tell your symptoms to someone and have a basic exam, especially when you have physical symptoms such as the cysts. I have found the Ob-gyn nurses to be the most helpful and understanding. Perhaps you have a clinic you can visit that will be more economical than a Dr. visit?


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RE: Hard to post this

Ahhh, old John Cougar Mellenkamp:) Brings back memories.

So sorry you two are going through this, and it's perfectly normal for some of us, especially those of us who tend to be emotionally charged (myself included). If you read some of the threads on the previous three or four pages, you will likely find there are lots of ladies who are either there or have been there. To the OP, my guess is that it is menopause related, and I know it can be pure hell, but it will get better, really.
You have a few options. Hormone replacement, psychoactive medications for depression and/or anxiety, or find your way through to the otherside, which can be a difficult way to weather the storm. Whatever you choose, be confident in it, and try to learn what you can from it. Menopause (if it doesn't drive you entirely crazy) can be a great learning tool that will lead to a whole new way of living.
Hang in there:)
Mrs H


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RE: Hard to post this

Hi ladies. What you are experiencing is perfectly normal for women at our stage of life. It started for me over a year ago and it does help you to cope knowing that you aren't alone in this and you aren't losing your mind.

I would suggest if you are a pop or coffee drinker to try to cut it out completely. The caffiene can play havoc on your body and heighten your feelings of anxiety and stress. I would suggest you begin an exercise routine if you don't exercise regularly now. If you eat alot of sugar, candy, pop, booze, to cut that out also. The sugar highs and lows are hard on your anxiety as well.

With a year of perimenopause under my belt and altering what I eat, I'm better able to deal with the increased anxiety and stress that the hormone fluctuation's can cause. One thing though, I do find myself thinking an awful lot about the past and missing friends and family who have died. I think about my father daily and I don't know why but I can't seem to shake it. I think it's the general feeling of depression/sadness that the perimenopause has brought on and although I can control the symptoms with watching what I eat, exercising regularly, getting out of the house more ( I also work from home) I can't control my brain waves and I can't seem to 'turn off' this sense of missing people I have lost in my life. It's probably part feeling lonely because I don't have these people to talk to and there is so much I would like to talk about with them but of course I can't.

And then there's those dang Humane Society commercials showing all those neglected cats and dogs...crimony I tear up everytime it's on TV! I absolutely can't watch sad movies or TV shows because I get too emotional and I never used to be that way.

I try to keep my life as up-beat as I can to keep the depression/feelings of sadness at bay. I don't get involved in drama. I can't take it anymore. If I allow myself to get all worked up over something say with sports with one of my kids I'm capable of doing or saying anything and that is never a good outcome. Over the past year I have literally learned to make myself step back from all the drama that people will create in your life and just let it go. Your situation with your daughters dance studio...if it's more than you can tolerate that you're losing sleep thinking about it all night...you need to do something about it. You have two choices: 1) you pull her out of that studio and go somewhere else 2) you let the drama unfold and you stay out of it. Don't discuss it with other parents because you will only get involved again. If your daughter is unhappy there then change studios. If your daughter likes it there and the parents are creating all the drama then just back away.

Goodluck!


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RE: Hard to post this

Smokeymist-your symptoms are identical to my sisters and she started around the same age as you. She'll be 50 in January and has been doing much better for the last year or so, but boy was it bad for quite a long time. She has very good insurance and had many tests done and tried many treatments, but in truth, none of them made her feel much better. Of course, we have no way of knowing whether she would have been worse without them.

One thing that was helpful though, was sleeping medication. She takes Lunesta and without it she would go a week or more with no sleep.

Her periods also got very heavy and frequent, but that stopped after a few years too. She still gets them but not every month and not so heavy.

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear your story because I know, from watching my sister, how difficult it is for you (especially as a single mom) and how most people, even doctors, just don't take this seriously enough. I believe that if men went through this, there would not only be a treatment, but paid disability! LOL. She found a wonderfully supportive, kind doctor so she was lucky. I wish you all the best. I know it doesn't help much right now, but please try to take solace in the fact that this won't last forever.

One last thing, if you do drink caffeinated beverages, take hgtvme's advice and cut them out completely. This is something my sister never did and I think it contributed to some of her problems. My mother and her sisters, one by one, as they started perimenopause, stopped drinking anything with caffeine and they all said it made a big difference.


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I just started reading a book called The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup, M.D. I haven't had a lot of problems with menopause but I felt like I needed to get educated on how it has/will impact my long term health - heart disease, osteoporosis, etc. In my opinion it's a great reference book to help you understand what you are experiencing and what your options are to deal with it.


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I am 47 and also work from home. I have had a horrible time of late, with moodiness,sadness,gloominess. Its really horrible ! I have to force myself to go for a walk, which makes me feel better. I was even thinking that having children is really not a good plan ! (I can see that I am being silly, so I can laugh at myself a bit !). I have a 16 year old, and 21 year old.

I try to accept myself and ride out the gloom, because I know that it passes and I can see a chink of happiness emerging. Yep, songs make me cry...I think of my youth, miss my parents...all that others have said.

I ask myself "what do I need to feel better" and what I need is someone to talk to, who can just listen and give me a hug, or even buy me some flowers.

This is such a real problem for women, this time of life. It is a stage that is hidden away...its such a shame that we don't get "time-out" to step away from our responsibilities.

Once I saw a show about the country of Bhutan. It showed a house where the village women could move into for a few days a month, when they had their period. They just had to relax and have a break. I thought that was the most fantastic thing I had ever hear ! Why don't we have that in our society.

At lease we have this forum, a place to talk.

Thanks for reading my moanings.


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RE:One more thing !

I think we need to do little things for ourselves from time to time. Lately I have bought myself some earings, very sparkly and a necklace. Both were on sale and I got them for half price, only cost $20. I also got my hair cut and put some dye in it. Those things put a smile on my face.

Hugs to all the sad people.


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RE: Hard to post this

I started the same thing in my 40's and it's never abated. Maybe the crying is a little better (I'm 53) but I'd say the depression is worse. I feel like a biotch most of the time and don't have any sense of humor at all anymore. Hang in there... just knowing you're not alone and we have a forum to vent helps.


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RE: Hard to post this

Hugs to all of you!!
Early 40's can definitely be the start of perimenopause. I even know ladies in their late 30's who have symptoms.
Smokymist........I tend to be an unsocial person and a homebody. And I think that when we don't get out, we tend to focus too much on ourselves and our symptoms and they get worse and worse. This happens to me alot. There are times when I have to absolutely force myself to get out......to go to the store, or whatever. Sometimes I just take a ride with my binoculars out in the country and look for birds. But getting out of the house seems to break the cycle for me.
so I think its really important for you to get out daily.
Its so easy over the years of raising kids to forget what its like to actually do something that we love......whether its taking a walk, birdwatching, baking, listening to music, whatever......
We all need to give ourselves those things every day. No matter how busy we get.
If you're having 2 periods a month, your hemoglobin might be getting too low. Can you take iron supplements? That might be a good thing to start.
Be sure to take a good multivitamin, and eat nutritiously. We tend to crave carbs during this time, but then they make use feel worse.
Hang in there smokymist. Don't be afraid to come here and vent. We all have. Everyone needs other people to talk to and to try to get through this difficult time in our lives.
Speaking of crying easily.........I used to start crying at the Prego spaghetti sauce commercials!! Just the music would break my heart!!
Get sunshine every day. Try to rent movies that make you laugh. Laughing is important!!


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Well for the most part i'm not an overly sad person, just lately. I get out all the time. My children and I are an adventurous trio. We go field herping together alot. WE go on little trips. We just got back from camping and backpacking, where I got into the creek ( more like a river) with the kids to snorkle and look for reptiles. We do alot of unusual things. So I'm not the stay at home and mope sort, not at all, in fact I'm on the road alot.


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Dang, I am in the same age range (50) as many of you, and I work from home, too! I am somewhat of a loner, but I always have been.

My mom quit having periods at 52 (I still have them) and went through menopause without drugs, and I'm going to try to do the same. She just quit having hot flashes a few years ago (she is now 78), so I have a loooong road ahead.

I've been trying to see the humorous side of menopause (which isn't always easy to do) by blogging. It somehow helps me to know that others are going through the same stuff.

Here is a link that might be useful: Women Over 50


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THE MORE I READ THRU ALL THE POSTING ABOUT MENOPAUSE THE BETTER I FEEL .THE DOCTORS WHERE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I AM CRAZY.NONE OF THEM COULD FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME .MY SYMPTOMS DID NOT FIT IN WITH WHAT THE GYN KNEW AS MENOPAUSAL SYMPTOMS BUT MY TEST CAME BACK AS LOW ESTROGEN AND SHE STILL SAID MOST OF THE SYMPTOMS DID NOT FIT MENOPAUSE .I HAVE BAD NAUSEA SINCE NOVEMBER 07 ALONG WITH FLUSHING ,SWEATING AND KIND OF A FEELING OF ADRENLINE RUSH ( MY BLOOD PRESSURE WAS GOING FROM NORMAL TO SOMEWHAT HIGH AND THEN BACK AGAIN) THEN IT MARCH 08 A NEW SYMPTOM ADDED IT SELF ON THIS BAD DIZZINESS . I WAS TESTED FOR TONS OF STUFF. AT THIS POINT I WAS PHYSICALLY A MESS AND HAD TO GO OUT DISABLITY .THEY TOOK MY GALLBLADDER OUT THAT DID NOT HELP.
AFTER READING THRU MOST OF THE POSTINGS OM MENOPAUSE I FOUND OUT ALL OF THE SYMTOMS I HAVE ARE RELATED TO MENOPAUSE . SO NOW I AM GOING TO WORK TO FIND A GYN THAT DEALS WITH MOSTLY MENOPAUSAL WOMEN MAYBE I CAN GET BACK TO
A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN.


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